Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend can never be happy for my child

268 replies

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 08:11

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 09/12/2024 10:54

You may just have to accept she doesn't have it in her to be happy for or interested in your daughter.

Just because you have been friends for a long time doesn't mean you have to carry on being friends if the friendship isn't making you happy.

you can't make her give a shit about your child but you don't have to keep her in your life if her inability to say a single nice word upsets you.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:56

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 10:50

She cannot provide a rational response to that question. Possibly because there isn’t one.

Show quote history

I have repeatedly said because we have been friends for many years. Is that not reason enough.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 10:57

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:45

Because we have been friends for many years I think it's quite mean spirited that she can't acknowledge my daughter especially as our girls are also very good friends.

Edited
Show quote history

Not really answering my question though
You should be happy and proud of/for your DD without needing this validation

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:59

Sushu · 09/12/2024 10:53

OP, your entire thread is one massive boast and you don’t seem to recognise that. It makes me wonder if you do this in real life. Of course you say you don’t - and maybe you don’t - but maybe you do?

Why do you need validation from this one friend? It seems to be bothering you. Let the friendship go if that’s important to you.

are the girls friends? If their friendship is important, then let it be.

Yes they are. Very good friends, there are six in the class who my dd is very friendly with. My friends daughter is in the group, she's so lovely & made dd a card to say good luck.

OP posts:
HardlyLikely · 09/12/2024 10:59

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:56

I have repeatedly said because we have been friends for many years. Is that not reason enough.

Show quote history

By ‘friend’ do you mean ‘someone I literally have nothing good to say about’?

CuriousGeorge80 · 09/12/2024 11:00

I have a couple who are good friends but since they had a child all I hear about is her achievements - in particular her sporting ones. I actually worry that how hard they are pushing her is going to damage her, and all her self worth is going to come from her achievements. It makes me pretty sad. It's also incredibly boring and self indulging. The only way I can deal with it and maintain the friendship is to completely ignore all references, unless she is there and then I congratulate her. My children are much much younger and so I'm not jealous or insecure or any of those things. I just find it utterly insufferable.

I know they would say they don't show off about it. Maybe they honestly believe that. And I suspect they wonder why I don't engage.

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 11:00

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:56

I have repeatedly said because we have been friends for many years. Is that not reason enough.

Show quote history

No, it is not. It does not answer the question we’ve been asking, which is why people keep asking it.

Being friends for years does not explain why you are so focused on receiving validation from this person.

Secondary to that is the fact that it doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. However, even if she was your absolute BFF, your fixation would be odd. So, please explain it to us.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:01

HardlyLikely · 09/12/2024 10:59

By ‘friend’ do you mean ‘someone I literally have nothing good to say about’?

Show quote history

No that's not true. We meet a few times a year with mutual friends. To be fair we are all so busy catching up ,the dc barely get mentioned.

OP posts:
taxi4ballet · 09/12/2024 11:01

Some people on this thread really don't get it.

Still unless you've had a dc who unexpectedly shows a facility for a certain activity that goes way beyond the average, I suppose you won't understand what it's like to have 'friends' who start to turn their backs on you.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:03

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 11:00

No, it is not. It does not answer the question we’ve been asking, which is why people keep asking it.

Being friends for years does not explain why you are so focused on receiving validation from this person.

Secondary to that is the fact that it doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. However, even if she was your absolute BFF, your fixation would be odd. So, please explain it to us.

Show quote history

I think it would be nice of her to acknowledge my dd as she knows how hard she works ,how hard we do to facilitate the sport & also it's just nice yo be nice !

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 11:03

taxi4ballet · 09/12/2024 11:01

Some people on this thread really don't get it.

Still unless you've had a dc who unexpectedly shows a facility for a certain activity that goes way beyond the average, I suppose you won't understand what it's like to have 'friends' who start to turn their backs on you.

My DD had some pretty amazing achievements and some people commented and some didn't. I didn't care because none of it was about me

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:04

taxi4ballet · 09/12/2024 11:01

Some people on this thread really don't get it.

Still unless you've had a dc who unexpectedly shows a facility for a certain activity that goes way beyond the average, I suppose you won't understand what it's like to have 'friends' who start to turn their backs on you.

Thank you @taxi4ballet I just find it extremely odd ,it's been going on for a few years now & it's grating on me.

OP posts:
YabbaDabbaDooooo · 09/12/2024 11:05

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:12

I care because I have been friends with the lady for years & I can't understand why she deliberately ignores my dds achievements when other parents who are mere acquaintances have a kind word & vice versa.

There are other kids in the school also who are competing at a high level in sports & music who the school acknowledges also . I don't know the kids personally but would be very enthusiastic in seeing them achieve.

Show quote history

'Friends' lol.

My DC are adults now but you've brought me right back to remembering 2 mums who sound just like you and your 'friend'.

Both obsessed with their kid's achievements, both obsessed with going into competition with each other, both in complete denial that they're just as bad as each other.

Meanwhile, the kids just kept their heads down and got on with doing the sports/hobbies THEY enjoyed.

Who cares who/how many compliment your child's achievements.

They're not YOUR achievements!

JustJoinedRightNow · 09/12/2024 11:07

I get it OP. She's being rude and petty, can't even acknowledge a child's achievement because it wasn't HER child. So lame.
Just keep staying out of it and not engaging and yes, sit somewhere else during the next concert. She isn't wishing you well at all.

ThatTealViewer · 09/12/2024 11:07

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:03

I think it would be nice of her to acknowledge my dd as she knows how hard she works ,how hard we do to facilitate the sport & also it's just nice yo be nice !

Show quote history

Again, not answering the question. Sure, it would be nice. However, it’s not important and it makes no difference, either way. So, why do you care?

taxi4ballet · 09/12/2024 11:08

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 11:03

My DD had some pretty amazing achievements and some people commented and some didn't. I didn't care because none of it was about me

Show quote history

Same here, I was just commenting that I understood the OP's point of view. 🙂

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 11:09

At least she's not being fake and congratulating you/DD through gritted teeth, which I imagine some other parents are.

HardlyLikely · 09/12/2024 11:09

taxi4ballet · 09/12/2024 11:01

Some people on this thread really don't get it.

Still unless you've had a dc who unexpectedly shows a facility for a certain activity that goes way beyond the average, I suppose you won't understand what it's like to have 'friends' who start to turn their backs on you.

Yet this woman appears not to be turning her back on the OP at all. She’s just not giving the OP’s daughter the praise the OP (not her DD) appears to crave.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:12

I don't crave attention for dd. If I did I would have it plastered all over my personal social media but I don't.

OP posts:
Laserwho · 09/12/2024 11:15

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 10:59

Yes they are. Very good friends, there are six in the class who my dd is very friendly with. My friends daughter is in the group, she's so lovely & made dd a card to say good luck.

Show quote history

Do your friends daughter made your dd a ca d to wish good luck. Chances are this girl also congratulated her which is what's important. Why does the mother also have to say congratulations to you? It's not YOUR achievement

taxi4ballet · 09/12/2024 11:15

Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:04

Thank you @taxi4ballet I just find it extremely odd ,it's been going on for a few years now & it's grating on me.

Show quote history

I know, there was one dc of a friend of mine who was an outstanding competitive swimmer, and I always asked how he was getting on, and I'd be happy when he did well. It didn't irk me that her kid was a far better swimmer than mine.

Why can't people just be pleased when other folk's kids are successful?

Barleypilaf · 09/12/2024 11:20

OP - in the nicest sense of the word, you are overthinking this.

From your posts, it does sound as those she may be envious. That's not good and doesn't reflect well on her. However, you appear to want acknowledgement from others so that you can bask in reflected glory. That's not great either. Her DD made yours a card which is lovely so the family have acknowledged your child's achievements.

As parents it is fantastic to have those times when you see your child succeed. That is its own reward.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:22

Barleypilaf · 09/12/2024 11:20

OP - in the nicest sense of the word, you are overthinking this.

From your posts, it does sound as those she may be envious. That's not good and doesn't reflect well on her. However, you appear to want acknowledgement from others so that you can bask in reflected glory. That's not great either. Her DD made yours a card which is lovely so the family have acknowledged your child's achievements.

As parents it is fantastic to have those times when you see your child succeed. That is its own reward.

The card was made in school so the mum might not even know her dd gave it!

OP posts:
nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 11:22

Having read your subsequent posts you are determined to prove your child is seen as doing better than hers.

In your Op you mention how successful and established the mum is herself. It would be a given the child would follow the same path.

But her child hasn't and you seem adamant to gloat. Not a good look. Stalking her social posts and what not you are coming across as odd.

Also this whole thing about parents messaging you privately. How did so many people get your personal number 😳 surely the ones in the class WhatsApp group would have messaged there.

Yes, yes your child is amazing and hers isn't. Is that what you want?

Like I said in my initial post. Grow up. Stop wanting validation from a mum who might be going through her own struggles.

Original poster
Snowballing1 · 09/12/2024 11:25

nomoretreats · 09/12/2024 11:22

Having read your subsequent posts you are determined to prove your child is seen as doing better than hers.

In your Op you mention how successful and established the mum is herself. It would be a given the child would follow the same path.

But her child hasn't and you seem adamant to gloat. Not a good look. Stalking her social posts and what not you are coming across as odd.

Also this whole thing about parents messaging you privately. How did so many people get your personal number 😳 surely the ones in the class WhatsApp group would have messaged there.

Yes, yes your child is amazing and hers isn't. Is that what you want?

Like I said in my initial post. Grow up. Stop wanting validation from a mum who might be going through her own struggles.

I'm also on the schools pta plus have two other kids in the school. The parents would have had my number through my other kids WhatsApp groups.

And yes the parents on dds class WhatsApp did message underneath the good luck message posted my another mum . All except for my friend.

OP posts: