Friend can never be happy for my child

[Snowballing1]

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

You're not her friend. You're just her yardstick.

I think it's insanely petty for an adult to be pissed off and jealous because somebody else's kid is good at a particular activity, but there you go.

It’s hard to be interested in other peoples kids at times.

It's your friend though, you should know if it's a deeper issue or not. People who have issues with confidence etc need to big up their kids etc usually is because they're struggling or embarrassed. If it's a random school mum, whatever. This is your friend though. I tolerate it as I know she has mad issues with behaviour etc like she's really struggling and that probably makes her feel 100000x better and I love her enough to tolerate that. Because I value her. You need to figure it out for yourself.

I will add, my friend chokes out support or congratulations TO my child IF they happen to be around each other. We live in diff countries now so when i do visit and my academic kid is idk talking about doing well in a test for example she will choke out a "well done" and then immediately list her kids stuff. That's okay though, she's not being cruel to kid so that's the most important.

To me she seems to be just a school mum you know, so more an acquaintance than a friend. And one who is very different to you character wise. It’s nice that you compliment her child, that’s who you are. Just accept she is different and just an acquaintance and it will probably stop bothering you

We had parents from the class in front & behind who turned around & gave a big thumbs up, parents behind tapped us on the shoulder & said a kind word (can't remember what!)
As I said dd has a solo again this year so we'll sit elsewhere.

OP said they were friends pre-kids

I have known a couple of women like this.
Even though their own children are quite brilliant, they still have zero generosity towards the children of others.

An ugly trait and one that when I noticed I backed away from.

No if you read my post we were friends long before the dds. We still meet for nights out/dinner with mutual friends

This is the post that makes me think you do a fair bit of boasting yourself.

It's in response, I think, to the post differentiating between types of national sport. You couldn't let that go without clarifying that the sport is the superior kind, whilst slyly implying that your child has Olympic potential.

A friend would recognise your DD's achievements but a friend would also never do things like monitor social media compliments and stare a friend down at a concert, waiting for a compliment.

I said that for the point of clarity. I realise national level is easier in some sports as they are niche & expensive. Dds is a very popular Olympic sport & it's very difficult to get onto development squads/ national comps as the pathway is very hard due to sheer numbers.
I stares no-one down at a concert, my friend was sat next to me & didn't acknowledge my dds solo. Which was odd considering the parents from the class sat in front & behind us were able to.

Multiple people have asked why you care so much and you are yet to explain. One of your friends (although she doesn’t sound like much of a friend) doesn’t compliment your daughter. So what?

So you literally can’t bear to sit with someone whom you describe as a longterm friend because she doesn’t praise your daughter? Are you really that insecure and status-obsessed? Is your daughter’s sporting achievement such a key part of your identity? Surely you can manage a friendship which is just about the two of you and not your child? Unless you don’t value this friendship highly, which is what it sounds like… but in that case, why bother to check whether she’s liked school social media about your DD?

I have friends who don’t have the remotest interest in my DS, far less his sporting achievements. It doesn’t affect our friendship.

So this. Any parent who really wasn't living through their child who simply not pay any attention to someone else's reaction to the clearly multiple people who are all praising your DD. The fact that you even notice let alone feel the need to put up a Mumsnet post about it speaks volumes,

My point was that you're boasting to a bunch of strangers on the internet. This comment, once again reiterating, just in case someone's missed it, that not only is your DD's sport a national one, but a very popular Olympic one, that your friend failed to compliment your DD when numerous others did... it's really boastful. So I don't buy that you're just never mentioning this in real life to your mates, because on here you're doing it over and over again, and we don't even know you!

🤣😂🤣🤣

I care because I have been friends with the lady for years & I can't understand why she deliberately ignores my dds achievements when other parents who are mere acquaintances have a kind word & vice versa.

There are other kids in the school also who are competing at a high level in sports & music who the school acknowledges also . I don't know the kids personally but would be very enthusiastic in seeing them achieve.

Maybe she disapproves of children competing at high level sports? Some people do. Or maybe she just isn’t very interested? I wouldn’t read to much into it. Your child is getting lots of recognition and affirmation, you don’t need it from this woman as well.

Exactly you don't know me so I'm adding these bits in for context. I don't want to name the sport as it is outing.

BS. You just said it was very popular. There is no way your DD would be spotted out of this process.

"Context" here meaning "boasting".

And nobody is remotely even suggesting that you name the sport. We'll all be able to manage without knowing which it is.

This woman was extremely competitive when the dc were younger but I wasn't interested.

My best friend and I have grown children about the same ages. Hers seemed to sail through, decent jobs weddings grandchild when mine were more difficult and less committed. I gloried in every success for them as they were like family. Eventually mine settled down, good careers nice homes and weddings and dear gp. She was equally happy for me and we have always shared the worries and happiness. This woman is not a friend, she is an acquaintance and begrudging rival. I would fade her out to be honest and find a decent friend.

But now you seem to be heavily over-invested in her lack of praise for your child! If you didn’t engage then, why are you engaging now..

I was replying to the poster who said there is different national sports & it's easier to get to nationals in some sports due to finances.
I said it was a very popular Olympic sport to clarify it's not finances.