Friend can never be happy for my child

[Snowballing1]

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

Why do you need her to acknowledge your child’s achievements? That’s the question. Why is that acknowledgment something you care about to this (or any) extent?

This woman might be consumed by jealousy or she might just not care. Either way, what’s interesting is the amount of importance you seem to place on external validation. ‘Other parents have messaged’ and ‘she doesn’t engage on social media’. It’s a bit much.

You say you never mention your child's achievements or post on social media but the school do share posts about your daughter. I don't read posts about other children on schools social media, when other kids are mentioned on school newsletters I just briefly skim those posts unless my child points out something a friend has done. So I would never know what another child had done I certainly wouldn't mention it unless the mother told me directly. Other people kids achievements are not something I look out for.

I'm not engaging. I came onto an anonymous forum to vent my frustrations on aibu! In real life I am not engaging just a bit flummoxed, a kind word or acknowledgement wouldn't go astray.

In what way is that response relevant to the quoted comment?

You appear to be genuinely unable to engage with what’s being said to you. Do you understand that a lot of us think YABU? Do you understand why?

Another parent mentioned on the class WhatsApp last week "well done to x, sounds like a great trip & best of luck"... the majority of the class chimed in after to say similar barr my friend & I have had private messages too from parents

Of course you’re engaging! You check if she’s commented on or liked school social media that mentions your daughter, you say you won’t sit with her this year at the school play to punish her for not praising your daughter’s solo last time, and you seem to be keeping a running total of her ‘failures’ in this regard!

Maybe she has the group muted, maybe she doesn’t want to appear cliquey with you as you are actually friends so she doesn’t need to speak to you on the class chat

Well I didn't get a message either to say well done to dd. I got plenty from parents I barely know! No group isn't muted as she often replies to the usual mundane homework queried etc & has posted since that parent put up the post wishing dd luck

Jesus Christ.

you've had messages from parents. Why do you need more? This is the reason I stay away from school WhatsApp pages. Why do comments mean so much to you? It's your child's achievements surely any comments should be directed to her in person from friends and teachers not to you.

I am different to you in that I wouldn’t want or need my daughter’s achievements to be recognised by other parents but if it’s so important to you, maybe you need to mention it next time you’re hanging out? Do you message her regularly about other things?

She sounds jealous but I think you already know that. You just need to forget about it and move on.

Because the only one who didn't bother to acknowledge my dd is a friend for many years. She also could have messaged privately but didn't.

It may well be jealousy bit she is under no obligation to say anything and she certainly doesn't need to comment or your Socials.
As long as she doesn't say anything negative about it why does it matter? Her approval shouldn't be important to you

OP: AIBU?

MN: yes, here’s why.

OP: no, that’s not the answer I want.

Solid MN 🤣

I didn't share it. The school did via newsletter & social media. Another mum on the class came on WhatsApp to wish dd luck & other parents/ guardians joined all excluding my friend.

I don't post dd on my socials.

Yeah, she's jealous. Not a friend at all.

Not supporting a friend publicly on the group whatsapp, when others have, just shows her character. Why wouldn't you offer a kind word?

This is why you need to stay away from social media and engage with her via talking. Social media isn't the be all and end all. What's up drives me nuts esp school ones. It's like you are expected to respond to everything which I why I don't use it

I ask again WHY is it to important to you that you get approval from this one person?

Because we have been friends for many years I think it's quite mean spirited that she can't acknowledge my daughter especially as our girls are also very good friends.

Is it possible she might not consider your dd's sporting achievement / being selected for things at school as an 'achievement'?

I'm from an Indian background and I'd get laughed out of the room if I ever tried to boast about my kids competing in gymnastics / performing in school productions because the 'value add' is in sports like tennis / cricket / rugby or performing in local theatre groups /orchestras.

Literally nothing you have said about her suggests you have any warm feelings towards her whatsoever. You describe her as having been previously very competitive about the relative achievements of your daughters when hers was always coming out on top, and now you describe her as mean-spirited and jealous.

She cannot provide a rational response to that question. Possibly because there isn’t one.

OP, your entire thread is one massive boast and you don’t seem to recognise that. It makes me wonder if you do this in real life. Of course you say you don’t - and maybe you don’t - but maybe you do?

Why do you need validation from this one friend? It seems to be bothering you. Let the friendship go if that’s important to you.

are the girls friends? If their friendship is important, then let it be.