Friend can never be happy for my child

[Snowballing1]

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

Better not to look for validation like this.

It is jealousy, and is so unnecessary. It takes nothing to congratulate a friend's child on an achievement, and especially on something as outstanding as playing at a national level.

Congratulations on your daughter's success and don't feel guilty enjoying it.

That’s fine but why does she assume others want to hear about hers then? Can’t have it both ways.

And? She doesn’t owe you gushing compliments about your child even if her child is in the same class. It’s kind of weird that you are making it into a big deal. It doesn’t impact on your dd, so again, why do you care?

She's actually been a friend for many years since long before our dd's were born.

She's clearly not much of a friend and the fact that you need people to point out that to do says a lot of about you. Unless you are very simple you are obviously looking for everyone to say you are right when I think but you also sound very needy. Why do you need the validation? The fact that you notice the congratulations says plenty of you as THAT parent. Other people don't have to give a toss about your DD

If you are so close as you say, just ask her. You don't need to seek valudation on an anonymous forum.

She isn't a friend anymore is she sadly.

If you are good pals as you say then perhaps she thinks it would be performative and disingenuous to congratulate your child online when she actually speaks to you and hangs out with you. If she spends time with your child without you perhaps she talks to her about it directly. I would try not to ruminate on it. I personally wouldn’t be gushing to my friends about how amazing their children are

Alternatively she’s jealous and being a bit weird in which case your friendship probably isn’t as solid as you think. I think she’s living rent free in your head over this and it doesn’t need to be that way.

And in the real world most people are annoyed by the parent who talks non stop about their own child but ignores their friend’s child.

OP should just change the subject. Every time.

I find these are the people who drone on about their kids the most. Just like people who go on about themselves but never ask how you are 🥱.

I think YABU. It sounds like you are hanging out for praise and recognition on your DDs behalf. Why do you need it. ?

I find it wearing when I meet self important people who are "always at a competition" or clearly brimming with constant pride at their dc achievements.

After a while being told how well someone is doing gets tiresome.

in fact the reason why she "never shuts up about her dd" is probably as she and you are both doing the same thing and boasting. It's really unattractive Trait.

Thinking about it I am often pleased for friends dc. It warms my heart to see a younger child get Mary at the nativity or hear someone got picked for student council. I've got a friend at church where was announced her ds had won something at a national level (she's often at competitions but doesn't make a big deal). I don't offer praise on a very regular basis for everyone's achievements and I doubt my friends are sat at home fuming that I don't care.

You need to let this go. Also the way to deal with her going on about her dd is let it wash over you send nod, say that's nice. I don't think it's good to try and "compete," especially when your dd is doing so well at something, you can afford to be modest and magnanimous.

Secure people don't brag.

Why should OP stand there like a lemon listening to her drone on?

Nor me, to be honest. Sport doesn’t register for me other than as a blur of boredom. I’d be completely taken aback to realise someone was checking on whether I liked or commented on school posts about their child’s sporting wins.

That's fine if that's your opinion. But dh & I have had messages & have parents come up to us after school (that we have never spoken to before) to say well done to dd.

Also another example is the school concert last year. Dd was chosen to sing a hymn. Dh & I were sitting next to the woman & her husband. Neither of them said a word after dd sang, even though the parents sat in front & behind were who we know had a kind word. Said friend sat stoney faced.

Dd has a solo this year again so I'll make sure not to be sitting next to her (she saved us the seats last year)

Well if that's not karma I don't know what is. For years she rabbited on about how fantastic her dd is and now that yours is doing better than hers she hates it because she wants to always be top dog. Ha ha ha. If I were you I'd rub her face in it a bit. If she had been more modest it wouldn't been as embarrassing for her. Jealousy is a horrible trait. I would also drop contact with her, no explanation needed. You don't need that negativity in your life. This reminds me of the beauty pageants in America where the mothers were so nasty and jealous and tried to sabotage the favourites.

Could that be the clue - that you ignored you friend when she went on about her dd’s achievements and now she’s doing the same about your dd’s success?

Sounds like you want a fawning sycophant, not a friend 😂

She may well be jealous but you don't need her validation.

If you read my post I said I don't mention dd . But the school includes her in their newsletters & social media. The school also reshares her clubs posts. They do this for other students too who have achievements outside the school.

But you’re checking to see whether this friend has liked or commented on the schools’s posts!

👍

Out of interest to see if she just doesn't react to tbe social media or just not dd. Turns out it is just dd as I suspected!

Well if you want to stay with friends with her, probably best to read the room. So in your cinema exam

'Sorry, Beth can't make that date, we have a prior commitment'

Which after all is a more normal thing than to say than name drop a competition. I got so bored of an ex friend who added in irrelevant detail to show off all the time. 'Happy birthday from sunny Barbados.' Etc

I think that’s deeply weird of you, to be honest.