DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

Sounds like he needs to ick off

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

He sounds repulsive. Misogynistic, spiteful and childish. Your DD deserves better, and so do you.

Anna Duggar, is that you?

Is he normally such a twat?

I'd tell him if he was sick of emotional women he'd better fuck off then! What a twat.

You know everyone is going g to tell you to LTB and ask what the housing situation is like.

Doesn’t make sense. Ungrateful for what?

Urgh did he try and say “only joking” and “why you so sensitive”
He should get the hint that comments like that are unacceptable and pretending it is just a joke or “banter” is pathetic.

Let me guess - he's living with you in your house.

Probably ungrateful that her PJs were washed for her so she shouldn’t be whinging about the wash fading them.

Well, one presumes that’s the thought process behind every single one of these tales of a child having some odious boyfriend invade their home at the instigation of their mother. So either OP agrees in which case she can carry on as is, or she doesn’t and she knows the answer to her problem.

Of course you're fuming.

Look beyond the specific context of this event to his general attitude: "He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’" Is this a man you want to spend your life with? This isn't treating you with respect. This attitude reveals that he considers his position to be above yours. It's a framing of entitlement. In normal, respectful relationships, it's normal to sometimes do something not ideally (because of being already annoyed, because we have different approaches than the other person and inadvertently hurt them or make things worse for them) and then it's normal to apologise. He's telling you he considers it beneath him to do that.

In this specific context, he made a snide comment completely unnecessarily to your daughter. Is this how you want your child's home life to look like? To grow into her walking on eggshells and tense up because she expects to hear such comments whenever she voices anything that's not directly positive?

Please relieve your daughter of this person in her safe place. It will do untold damage. Keep the ick, lose the 'D'P sharpish.

Yes exactly this 🙄

I would have to ask him to leave.

Poor kid having to live with that attitude in her home.

Are you considering telling him to leave?

Christ

You and your relationships with men are your role model for your DD. I can't believe this is the first time he's made a comment and is likely what he believes deep down so won't be changing.

If he doesn't have any right to live in your house I'd be telling him to pack his things and to leave to family/friends/Travelodge. I'd be explaining to DD that you didn't like his tone and the way h acted and it's not ok for men to behave like that.

If he's on the mortgage it's far trickier and you need to play the long game. If you rent I'd be looking for a new place for you and DD.

Can be a twat but has never said anything like this to DD!

Yup

He sounds like a prince.

Don't let her get spoken to like that, who TF does he think he is!

Let me guess, he is a cocklodger?

Perfect, go empty his drawers into bin liners and put them by the door and then tell him to leave.

That’s not worse.