DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

Remember he has no rights to stay once you ask him to leave.
Got a friend who can stay until he's gone and taken all his stuff?

Love how you and dd were calmly folding washing, he shouted a rude comment and turned it into "women being emotional" 🙄

Just say so what? You are entitled to end any relationship for any reason you want. Off he fucks.

You are ending the relationship because you don't want to be in it any more! A relationship needs to be by mutual consent and should be something that benefits both of you. This set up benefits him at YOUR expense.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't want to move out OP, it is your home so if you want him out then out he goes. And you can end a relationship at any time for any reason you want even 'crappy' reasons, whether he agrees with you is beside the point.

Would it be helpful to have a friend/family member with you when you give him his marching orders?

When he owns the ground under him, he can dig his heels in as deep as he wants. In your house, what he wants is of no consequence.

Your DD made an objectively very reasonable observation about pyjamas fading and he called her ungrateful?

I wouldn’t be happy either OP

He sounds a twat.
Good riddance.

He sounds like a complete arse. Getting rid of him will probably be a relief for both you and your DD.

Stick to your guns and ensure that he goes. It's his own problem if he has burned his bridges with all of his other family and friends, not yours.

He sounds like the ungrateful one. Glad you’re getting rid.

sounds like you and DD will have the best Xmas

@Rosettespur

OP, as another single parent, can I ask why you moved him in? As I said in my post, I’m not at this sort of juncture with my boyfriend. We’re not discussing moving in really, just buying a home somewhere in the highlands/islands for holidays and we would obviously “live together” there with my kids during holiday times/whenever we can get away. He and I would also stay there when my kids are with their dad. We are both lucky with jobs that allow it.
But even with this holiday only “living together,” it is fully conditional on how he and my kids get on when they meet in January. We plan to look at houses during this summer, so they’ll have 6 months to get to know each other before we start on that idea. If they don’t click well enough, then he and I will just continue our relationship the way it is. I will not move in, or part time move in, with him unless my kids are 100% on board. I will never move in permanently until my kids move out, no matter how well they get on. Part time holiday home is as far as I will go.

I’ve never felt any different. My kids will not be living with someone just because I pick them. Why did you do it? I’m just interested in the other perspective, especially when she didn’t even like him.

Exactly this!! The audacity! From the front room he doesn’t pay rent for and in front of my TV!

But realistically, if tomorrow night he does this annoying thing where he sniff laughs and said ‘I’m not going’ what do I actually do?!

I hope you're joking

Then you call the police.

You tell him that if he does not pack his stuff and leave then you will call the police. He has no rights to be in the house - he's not a tenant, he's not even a lodger.

Could you be over reacting?

The more I read the worse it gets! Just throw the waster out pronto. Complete cocklodger and a nasty one as well. You don’t need a reason -‘it’s not working for me’ is enough. He will try to stay - so time to get tough

Exact this. That comment shows he resents your daughter. Not something I would be prepared to tolerate. And it’s clear he’s not bringing much to the table even without that crap

Cocklodger. Don't talk to him about splitting up, just tell him you are splitting up and you want him out by the end of the week.

You pay to rent a bedroom for his DD and he contributes nothing?! How on earth has this situation come to be?

If he says hes not going, assuming you're not married, he's not on the tenancy (or on the mortgage) then you give him a reasonable timeframe (a week?) and if he refuses to go then you call the police.

EDIT to add there's a step before calling the police which is change the locks while he's out and bag up his stuff. If he starts being a pain in the arse then you call the police.

Serve an eviction notice as you would a lodger, give him 5 days to get his stuff out. Then, even if he doesn’t, wait till he is at work and change the locks and ask him for a forwarding address for his belongings.

You don’t have to give him 5 days btw, or any days at all. But you can if you want to be civil.

I suppose I was in love with him. There was pressure from him that he was no longer getting along with his family living with them. He missed me all the time. He wanted to spend more and more time together which was difficult when we living apart.

And it is definitely true that you don’t know someone until you have lived with them!!

So your daughter didn't say a single thing wrong and yet he felt the need to stick his nose in?

I wouldn't be happy about that at all.

Call the police
or alternatively, just change the lock while he’s at work. You don’t actually have to have a conversation whilst that would be the grown-up thing to do. If you think you’re going to have any trouble with him just don’t let him back in once he’s out.