DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

Why did you move a man in if your daughter doesn’t particularly care of him or get along with him? That was a bad move. You either end the relationship or continue it but don’t move them into your child’s home.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now. He hasn’t met my kids, we are just talking about making that happen now because we’ve been discussing buying a home on one of the islands or in highlands, for during the holidays etc so we will both keep our own houses we have at the moment, but we have discussed what will happen if him and the kids don’t get on. In that case, I won’t be buying a holiday home with him because I won’t make my kids stay with him for weeks over holidays if they don’t get on. We will just continue to have our relationship with overnights etc but moving in will not be something we discuss unless their relationship worked well.

Why is he living there? Sorry, but you’re a single mum and of course you don’t have to be a martyr but you also don’t move a man in when your kid doesn’t like him.

It got worse while I was typing. He can’t even afford to run a home? He doesn’t contribute to yours? AND your kid doesn’t like him. But you saw all that and thought, “Yummy, this is the man for me, what a catch.”

Right. Self esteem issues?

Tbh, a couple of things about him recently has started giving me the ick. I am fiercely independent, have a great career etc and I find him suffocating at times tbh.

This is just beyond though, he cannot cross the line with my DD. He would be the first to bitch and moan if something of his was faded in the washing machine or whatever. But his contempt for the reaction to his shitty comments is really what’s sealing his fate.

Lots of us have made bad choices in relationships, let's not berate the OP. Let us help her to improve her situation instead!

Nope he doesn’t pay towards the bills, just token shopping (never clothes 🤣), runs the car etc

Why are you laughing at being such a big fool? How are you finding your choice of this man so hilarious?
You picked him and brought him to live with your child.

So he contributes nothing, and you're showing your teenage daughter how to let a man walk all over you?

He doesn't pay towards the bills?? Freeloading cocklodger.

Oh come on, OP. You've moved a man in who your daughter doesn't really like. He makes comments like this about her being ungrateful when he's living there for free!

Give your daughter the best Christmas present ever and kick him out.

You're basically paying him to live with you!

You are clearly not very smart and fiercely independent as you put it. He's on Low income, lived with family, doesn't pay bills and rude to your child. The only one that looks bad here is you.

It’s not all bad. Since being with me he has did some training and now has a better paying job. He is helpful around the house etc

But he is so negative. And tbh draining.

No, not directly. He will at times give me £xxx towards a house bill but it’s not regular.

Time for him to go.

OP's partner sounds a dick. You are right about teenage DC, though. I moved in with and then married a new DP when my DC were 14 and 17. He was immensely good with them (ex-Youth Worker and candidate for ministry) and they grew to love him so much that his death has devastated both of them. We did buy a house together rather than move into our separate homes, which makes a difference to the dynamics, and is something I would recommend if possible.

This is really dawning on me. I’ve been an idiot.

She deserves better than to have to live with someone she is indifferent about. That's not family. She sounds lovely, albeit totally desensitised to his tatty behaviour.
Come on OP, you have just 4 more years probably of her living with you. Don't make her count the days until uni because of him.

So this sulking cocklodger lives off you and yet begrudges your child the PJs you bought her?

OP, it’s seriously time to get rid.

Rings back the horrors of living with my shitty stepdad.

I did anything to get out of that house for any amount of time. Don't make your daughter do the same thing. I've so had many bad experiences and so much therapy cause of this start in life.

Show her what a proper man should behave life to set her expectations high for her own future partners

On the other hand OP he is a mere guest who has no stake in your home and can be asked to leave at any point.
He will only get more & more resentful at the various ways in which you run rings around him, and more and more threatened by your daughter as she approaches adulthood.

You've only just got the ick. Not the low income, not the fact he would be living in his parents' spare room but for you, not the fact your child doesn't care for him (yet you moved him in anyway), not the failure to contribute anything to the household and not his previous conduct of twattery and non apology. What on earth were the good points that allowed you to let this man occupy your house with you and your (reluctant sounding) daughter? Give yourself a shake and sling him out.

He’s tried all his twatish lines on you. Was in a sulk ( oh diddums) so decided to have a pop at your DD, a 14 year old. What a man ( not)
Your house and Monday’s as good a day as any to change the locks.

Hello Random Man

A grown man with a child, who lived with family and a low income who contributes nothing to the cost of running the home he now lives in for free, can’t be the best you can do @Rosettespur .

A fiercely independent woman with a good career and own home must have been like winning the jackpot for Grandpa Joe. His feet are so far under the table he forgot who bought it. Remind him. I wouldn’t care if he has a bionic dick, a 6 inch tongue and can breathe through his ears, he’d be getting the door for Xmas

Not really adding value to this thread, but years ago I heard a sentence on a TV show where a man is speaking to his dad who had always called him ungrateful growing up.

"Kid's aren't supposed to be grateful. They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart, you selfish dick!"

It isn't Shakespeare, but it's something I've always remembered as I raise my own kids.

Maybe your DH is a selfish dick?