DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

[Rosettespur]

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

Whose laundry were you both folding?

I’m not speaking to him when he is sulking, would definitely not be asking for an apology. Although I have noticed he struggles with apology’s!

General all laundry, DD said something like, ‘these have gone a funny colour, I think they are faded from being washed’ - they are not new, he doesn’t buy her clothes, he hadn’t washed her clothes, he had absolutely no role in any of it, his comments were not necessary!

Ew.

Just, ew.

You deserve better and your daughter deserves a better male role model in her own home.

I’d tell him I’m sick over overly emotional men personally .

Sigh, this is a wild guess but adults raised by parents who never apologised often struggle with apologising, especially to children. It is something that can be worked on, but growing up with poor role models can mean difficulty breaking free into better habits.

How much notice are you going to give him to leave? Let me guess - not paying rent?

Tells you all you need to know that your DD couldn't care what he says. I think I'd find it hard to care too. 3 people in the house, what's he doing while you do and fold away the washing? - I'm going to guess sitting on his arse watching/listening. Don't be doing his washing. Just send him on his way, he's no loss, does he even pay his way?

I took this as sarcastic.

Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house
Don't stand for this nonsense. It's your house tell him he knows where the door is.
I'd say he's trying to dominate/subjugate you both because he knows he's on the back foot (ie beholden to you since it's your house) he doesn't like not having al the power & so he's trying to gaslight you into kowtowing to him.

You mean could be better.

What does he think she is ungrateful for? Buying her pyjamas? Surely it's a parents responsibility to clothe their children who should have to feel gratitude for being cared for.
What is his relationship with her like generally. 14 is a very difficult age and she doesn't need someone critisising her all the time. And the comment about emotional women is just completely unacceptable.

Why when you have a daughter in the house are you putting up with this?

get rid of him. He sounds like a dickhead.

You daughter tolerates him, and he is showing his true colours which aren't great. Honestly and truly I'd use this relatively small issue and nip it all in the bud now and tell him to leave.

I used to work at a Secondary school and I often overheard students talking about their weekend at dads etc. Although lots of the students were happy for their non-resident parents to have new partners as they only really visited, without fail they found the resident parents new partner difficult to adjust to particularly when it was previously an all female household. They were often happy mum had a partner to do things with, and didn't want to upset the apple cart but the moving in changed the dynamics of the home, even simple things like having san pro in the bathroom or walking from the shower in a towel. It sounds like that change of dynamics has happened in your home and although it's not right for you to be alone, DD is likely going to be living there another decade at least and this incident doesn't sound great.

He has a DD EOW. Nope he lived with family. And yes he was on a low income

Nope he doesn’t pay towards the bills, just token shopping (never clothes 🤣), runs the car etc

You've got yourself a cocklodger. Boot him out!

He’s just bought himself a one way ticket, hasn’t he

It doesnt really make any sense as far as i can see. was she saying it in an accusing way

He needs you way more than you need him OP. If he carries on biting the hand that feeds him I'd tell him I'm not putting up with him anymore.

Sounds like your affection for DP is fading, too. Honestly, what a dick.