I know his secret but how do I play this?

[Waffletots]

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Don’t do anything right this minute (phone other woman or him) but have an idea of what you’ll do on his return from work and what you expect for the future.

It can hurt his too. If he is in a superior position to her he can easily be deemed to have abused his position of power and guilty of sexual harassment in such circumstances.

But if he denies it, what is OP going to do? I'd want to know exactly what is going on, and I wouldn't assume I'd find out by confronting him. I'd also use the time to put my affairs in order and get all of the savings in my name...

I will absolutely not give him a heads up on this, I’m aware he could delete things if I do. Ultimately I will be able to tell by his face, I just don’t know what to say or how to confront him.
i have a good family network who I could go and stay with but part of me wonders why I should be the one to leave? This house is mine too and my child (soon to be children) deserve not to be uprooted any more than they will be if this is true.
i have my own money and a good job, I could cope alone but obviously wouldn’t be the lifestyle we are used to with two good salaries! I think that’s the least of my worries isn’t it. I can’t believe this is happening to me.

I'd ask her to send over any evidence she has, photos, text messages emails excreta. I'd also ask if they have been having unprotected sex. Although, you need an sti test anyway. I'd want to know how reckless he's been with yours and your babies health.

He's a wanker. Realistically, it's very bad for her and her career to tell you. The woman always gets fucked in these situations. I dont see why she would lie ans ruin her career/ reputation. Remember men are poor hopeless creatures who are led astray. The woman is always a home wrecking tramp.

Check her profile on LinkedIn, and the company website. That will give you an indication of her position in the company.

Don't need your head tilt. My parents' marriage is none of your business and I learn from others' mistakes.

Op, it’s overwhelmingly likely he knows she’s told you. So if his plan is to deny it will be deleted.

Feel even more sorry for you now! Have you considered therapy?

Don't leave the house. You need some stability. You'll be giving birth soon - stay put and ask a family member to move in temporarily if possible to help out.

Just here to offer a hand hold, what a truly awful situation x

OP

Is there someone who can have your child tonight? It may mean confiding in someone, but it will inevitably be upsetting and your child should not be there. Plus you will need the support, even if right now you don’t feel much like telling anyone.

How does she have your number?

Only do this from an incognito account, otherwise she’ll see that you’ve viewed her profile.

No, have you?

She knew full well he was married and probably knew about your child.

Is it possible he's dumped her in a fit of remorse with the baby on the way, and she wants to throw a revenge grenade into your life? The person who 'let slip' was him?

So she is, and I don't use the word lightly, a cunt (yes, we can blame the women who say yes, as well as the men).

I just said, "X has contacted me." He sort of deflated in front of my eyes and it was obvious it was true, he didn't need to say it.

Just as a heads up when I spoke to her she told me she was pregnant and wanted me to pay for her abortion. I can never figure that one out, why would I pay. It was a lie but just to warn you about the sort of thing that can be said.

I think she’s telling the truth - how else would she know your contact details or the fact that you’re pregnant? She messaged you late at night which indicates it’s weighing on her mind. The argument that she is simply lying about having a relationship with him to break up your marriage is bizarre. As a pregnant mother to a young child, you’re not a threat to her - she could seduce him regardless and have a reasonable shot with him without needing to make you aware; it’s common for men to not see their partners as desirable in your shoes. She represents fun and sex, you don’t. She’s shiny and new and exciting etc. She doesn’t need to lie to turn his head. It’s much more likely she was duped and regrets what happened now she knows the truth.

Texts between them - major proof.

OW may have photos of them together/him on her phone.

She will be able to. answer "intimate" questions about tattoos, marks etc he may have that are normally hidden.

OW can answer personal questions about things only a "partner" would know.

She's unlikely to be making everything up but she's no more a trustworthy source than your dh.

The truth could be exactly as she said it.
Or it could be 'only' an emotional affair or one shag a few months ago, he's called it off and she's bitter. Or anywhere in between.

He's still a scumbag and I'm sorry this happened op but don't trust the OW. She'll have her own motives for doing this and she's nearly as much of a scumbag as he is so they won't be altruistic.

I'd message back with 'Any proof of that?'. And see what comes. Then I'd ask him as soon as he's home and go from there.

At this point, do you think that really matters?
It's not really the time for Secret Squirrel games, that horse wasn't even in the stable for this situation.

I would simply reply please provide more info and what are your reasons for telling me now.

Exactly;why would she potentially put her job at risk by telling a co workers wife their having an affair with her husband;if it wasn't true she could be sacked for harassment.

She's probably telling the truth. If she was going to lie why would she throw her own name in the mud? She could have messaged you anonymously, but she didn't. It's a very odd thing to admit to if it's not true.

Yes, I found it very beneficial and I started off with a much healthier view and experience of relationships then you have so the the skys the limit! 🤞