I know his secret but how do I play this?

[Waffletots]

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

Don’t assume anything.

I wouldn’t dignify her with any acknowledgment at all. Ask him, show him the texts. Gauge his reaction and decide what you want to do.

It’s a different situation though. She likely did beleive he was leaving the op. Let’s face it, it’s a common line.

i am struggling with you scared to ask him, he will know likely she’s going to tell you or already knows she has. If it was my husband I’d be straight on the phone, and telling him to come home as I got the text and know.

Exactly. Hate to say it but she has nothing to gain from lying and everything to lose. I’d believe her.

what time did she text last night op?

You don't "need proof", this isn't a court of law. You don't need to contact this woman nor engage with her at all.

If it seems likely to you, then it is. I'm so sorry. You deserve better. Do you have family and friends nearby who can support you while you decide what to do?

I must admit that I wouldn't be waiting until 6pm. I understand the initial shock and needing time to take it in / work out a plan but I would ask him to come home.

Yes reading posts above she has probably told him already that she has texted you. He's probably got the major fear about coming home.

I just feel really vulnerable right now, I’m 38 weeks pregnant sat at home with our 3 year old. Life was perfect, I had absolutely no idea this would happen, it’s come out of nowhere! I really hope I haven’t been missing things out or contentment or stupidness? I just don’t know!

Bear in mind her text did not say he lied to her about being married. If this is true, she knowingly had an affair with your dh behind your back. Don't trust her. She has no morals (nor does your dh if this is true).

Me neither, I don’t get the whole turn into Jane bond, she’s lying, she needs to provide evidence or it’s made up. It’s so odd.

Why would there be a receipt? This isn't the 90s

By all means ask for screenshots of texts, etc. sounds like she will happily drop him right in it.

There's really no incentive to lie. If she is lying she will be sacked.

There's also no motivation to tell you if it's true and she thinks he is planning to leave you.

Most likely explanation for her to act now is that she's worked out he's a scumbag with every intention of keeping her on while also having another new child with you, and she's disgusted. And she wants you to know who you're married to because nobody deserves to live a lie..

Op you need to stand up for yourself here and adress it with someone.

Do not pull the wool over your own eyes..unless you want to ignore it and pretend its not happening..

She’s not lying.

Most likely explanation for her to act now is that she's worked out he's a scumbag with every intention of keeping her on while also having another new child with you, and she's disgusted. And she wants you to know who you're married to because nobody deserves to live a lie..

My thoughts exactly.

Call and talk to her. It’ll be so much easier and more direct to find out what you need to

I’m so so sorry.

As they say: Act in haste, repent at leisure.

Are your finances in check?
Have you got joint savings you need to move your share of first?
Do you have a relative you can stay with?
You’re heavily pregnant, what was your plan for funding your maternity leave?
Do you want to speak to a legal advisor before you confront him?
Is this a deal breaker for you? (Despite what MN says, only you can decide that).

He’s probably going to lie, or tell you it was a one off if you confront him. So it’s probably worth getting your head & finances together first.

Can you create a lie about a poorly relative and staying with them this evening? Leave before he gets home to buy yourself another day?

You don’t have to confront him on this immediately. If he asks if you’re off, you can tell him the pregnancy has you feeling exhausted & you need to rest - shut yourself in your room. Doing whatever you need to do to limit your interactions and buy you more time. If he’s guilty, he’ll probably get a bit spooked but remember - he doesn’t know you know.

Can you check his phone whilst he showers & take photos on your phone of any messages between him & OW?

You’re stronger than you realise, and none of this is your fault. You will get through this, I promise x

I would do this, I would need some sort of proof. So sorry OP, I really hope this turns out to be a lie. Take care of yourself. xx

Bad idea.

That’s just giving him the heads up and the time to go through his phone and delete all incriminating evidence, and think up a good story before he gets home.

I agree it is likely but not definite. Some men can be pretty vile but so can some women. I can never figure out her sleeping with him for months when she knew me and knew we were planning a wedding, having what was supposed to be their final night together before the wedding and then a week later telling me. If only she'd told me a week earlier it could have saved lots of pain. If she'd wanted him it would have made more sense to tell me before the wedding but if she didn't want him why tell me? Just spite I suppose.

I think he's likely to know as soon as he sees the OP unless she's a very good actress.

What pondlife scumbag tells this to another woman when she is 38 weeks pregnant. She is throwing a grenade into the marriage and she knows it. She could not have chosen a 'better' time. She is deliberately spoiling a happy family moment with the birth of a child. No one held a gun to her head to have an affair.

Do not engage with this lowlife.

People need to remember she’s identified herself. This wasn’t anonymous. Unless she utterly deranged, which you’d need to be to lie and risk your job, then she’s overwhelmingly likely to be telling the truth.

And yes, he knows she’s told.

op did he leave earlier than usual for work?

Either it's true and she's hoping to help things along by telling you, or it's not true but she fancies him or is crazy. Whatever the options, do not engage, delete the message and block her. If she cared about you being pregnant, she would have broken it off and not told you for your sake. But she's told you, so she has an ulterior motive. There is also a chance she's told your husband and he will come home armed with an explanation... So prepare for this as well. Just say "So that was what it was? I thought it was some sort of scam, I ignored it. Assuming he doesn't come home and admit to it, I would try and act normal but investigate every single action, trip, acting funny with his phone and so on. You need evidence to confront him. Good luck

You can’t be serious. Her husband is cheating.