I know his secret but how do I play this?

[Waffletots]

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

I wouldn't be saying anything just yet. Get your ducks in a row, get some proof etc. He'll just deny it all and it'll be harder for you.

Can you get hold if his phone, are you open with phones?

Sorry this is happening to you OP.

OP, you should not be the one to leave.

He should be the one inconvenienced and displaced.

Don't even think of taking your child away from your home.

he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt

Textbook in the cheaters guide. She's not lying, I'm sorry.

You’re completely right about this, I have sent my parents a message and asked if they would have my little one. I just said I’m feeling really tired and could do with a lie in. They won’t suspect anything. I think this is going to be a massive shock for all of my family and friends, people think he’s brilliant, as did I. This is awful.

The OP has stated it's because the OW didn't know OP was pregnant until recently

With your usename, I thought you would. Good luck with it.

I’m very sorry OP but it sounds pretty true. If it was a spurned, shit stirrer, they would do it anonymously. There is no way anyone would risk their job if it was made up, even if they were fairly unhinged.

Presumably she is hurt and angry because she has found out you are pregnant and he has probably been telling her a load of lies suggesting that your relationship is platonic and he wants to leave you etc.

He never leaves his phone lying around, I’ve never thought about this before. I’m always loosing mine around the house and wondering where it is, he’s never done this. I’ve been blind haven’t I.

Thank you, you’re a sweetheart 🥰

I don't know why people are obsessing over her motives for telling, saying maybe she's just pushing to ruin OP's marriage so she can have DH etc. Her motives for telling don't matter one jot, what matters is whether it's true or not.

Obviously this woman isn't your friend or an ally. But contacting her for proof of what she's saying is perfectly logical and in no way "giving up your power", debasing yourself or any other ridiculous thing people have suggested here.

No, you haven’t been blind. You’ve trusted your husband, this isn’t on you.

Blind would be getting this message and thinking she’s some psycho liar, you’ve not been blind.

First and foremost please look after yourself, you have 2 weeks to go and I imagine your blood pressure has increased today.

Can your 3 year old go to relative for sleepover tonight if your going to thrash this out?

Good luck

His phone won't be at home at the moment, but I wonder whether there are credit card statements or emails that could be checked? (I doubt that he'd be stupid enough to leave evidence, but you never know.)

I have had one of these texts, I did ask for proof as I wanted to be without any doubt before I ended the marriage. I got the proof, then blocked her, I didn't want to engage with her. It was about him cheating on me, not how she was feeling.

I told him to pack his bags and go, I didn't really need to engage with him anymore either, I knew all I needed to know.

It was devastating, the rug had been pulled from under me. But I healed, met someone wonderful and life got better.

You will get through this, but I am so sorry you are going through it and heavily pregnant too.

This has been a rollercoaster @blueshoes @Anotherworrier 🤗🤗

Sorry OP but chances are she won’t be lying. Ask to see his phone and bank account straight away if he claims she’s lying

Ultimately I will be able to tell by his face ...

Unless he already knows she's told you, in which case he'll have had time to adopt a horrified expression and claim she's a mad cow who's always fancied him and of course it's not true

The point about "proof" is to insulate yourself against believing what may not be true, so yes I'd be asking for it

I am so sorry this has come out of the blue and you are still absorbing the shockwaves. You need time to take it in and decide next steps. Glad your parents can help with your little one and give you some space.

Worth asking again, via text, and asking for proof - photos of them together not at work, screenshots of plans for meeting up etc. Really would try to get some proof before DH gets home. Could all just be a windup, probably not, but worth checking out.

Are you friendly with anyone at his work OP, can you ask anyone else about this? Even if they don't say or know much, you'll know by their reaction.

Very very sorry you've been put in this position at 38 weeks pregnant..

I am really sorry this has happened to you.
Its difficult to judge this woman’s motivation, but I don’t believe it’s because she thinks you should know that your husband is a scumbag.
If her message was sent at 11.30pm how likely is it that she had just heard from the colleague who ‘let it slip’?
Your husband may well have convinced her that your relationship was all but over, but now she knows that isn’t the case, she can’t change the past. What she could have done is ended things so that he is no longer cheating, and kept quiet.
From her wording it seems likely that she will be willing to provide evidence if required. It’s up to you to decide how likely your husband is to be able to deny/ dismiss without evidence.
Best wishes.

Sorry this happened to you.

I told him to pack his bags and go, I didn't really need to engage with him anymore either
Op I think this is great advice, tell him to leave and don't engage, you don't need the agro at 38 weeks. Let your family know so they can support you 💐

You haven’t been blind, it’s normal to trust your spouse and it doesn’t take much ingenuity to completely hide an affair (until the OW or OM gets their own agenda)

Sorry, kind of derailed the thread there! Back to OP…

Did you get a legal agreement about “your house” before you married? It could be considered a marital asset in the normal run of things.

I would message her and ask for more info. I suspect she’s telling the truth though. Why would she lie?

So sorry I’ve just seen that youv answered this already, I should have rtft. I’m sorry you’re going through this Op x