I know his secret but how do I play this?

[Waffletots]

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

It was 11.30pm so quite late!

I agree. Ask for the evidence. Tell her you'll only believe her if she proves it.

Because he will go all out denying it, she's crazy, you're crazy, she's imagining it ... until you doubt your own sanity. They do this.

Now go through the house before he gets in. You have a few hours. Anything physical you can find? Bank and credit card statements with odd charges?

Presents clearly not for you?

Do you know his laptop and phone passwords?

Proof. For you to point at and tell yourself you are not going mad.

And as we always say ... Ducks in a row. What are the financials?

Might be wise not to confront him tonight though, although if she's told him you know you'll probably be able to read him like a book.

Be prepared for him to turn into a complete stranger. Because who he really is is about to be unmasked.

Good luck, OP.

She doesn’t need evidence to confront him.

Gently, there's rarely smoke without fire in this situation, and the fact that she's "outed" herself rather sent you an anonymous message speaks volumes I think. I can't see why she would lie about this.

If she's lying then she could be possibly fired for misconduct so unless he's gone totally off the rails I'm not sure why she would make up a fake scenario. I'd be inclined to think it's true and she didn't realise you were pregnant op. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, do you have anyone in RL you can turn to.

Yeah I wonder if she was drunk. Upset, drunk and did it.

as said, did he leave earlier than normal?

I wouldn't be telling him to come home because of the text. I'd say I felt unwell and then once he was home, ask him about her.

For all we know, the OW has already told him she's contacted the OP...

Maybe the 'affair' died out long ago and the other woman is being a resentful cow and because your DH hasn't left you for her she has decided to take things into her own hands.

It's not your fault! You're not to blame for missing things, especially our if contentment and it doesn't make you stupid if he's been lying and sneaking around.

I can imagine it is a huge shock, do you have a friend or family member you can talk to for supoort?

I agree with this. OP if you can manage this in your state of pregnancy. I am sorry your hormones must be all over. Is there someone who can support you at this time?

@Waffletots I would also bear in mind the only reason she’s messaging you is because she’s realised she’s not going to get her way. She’s not your friend, don’t let it become you two against your DH - she knew what she was doing. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that.

So why all the lies about being unwell. Why play games,

whg aren’t people just straight. Ask him op. You will know if he’s lying.

I would tell him about your pregnant friend who found out that her husband has been cheating on her and see how he reacts. A normal reaction would be disgust. If you're looking for proof he'll give it to you. I'd also tell him how devastated you'd be if that were you as it exposes the baby to stds. Only you can chose what happens next.
I'd also have a test for those if I were you.

I really hope I haven’t been missing things out or contentment or stupidness? I just don’t know!

Don't you dare to blame yourself! You're married - the least you expect is that you can trust him. THat's not stupid: that's a committed relationship.

If the message is true, then he's been the unfaithful one. The stupid one. Not you.

Occams Razor OP.

One of my BIL was having an affair with a colleague, and he was clever enough to go to my sister and tell her that there's a ridiculous rumour that he's having an affair with X. Which he was, of course.

She was sadly completely taken in by it.

Your DH has undoubtedly done the same by painting her as the office flirt. He's spun her a line about your dead marriage and she's found out he's been lying.

What despicable pieces of shit men can be. I bet he thinks he's been sooooi clever.

I'm really sorry this has happened - but make NO mistake - it will happen again, and again, and again.

I doubt this is a lie. One child, plus another on the way so less attention, and the opportunity to cheat with a work colleague. Sorry, it’s as old as time. I agree with others, he’s told her you two don’t sleep together and she’s found out you’re pregnant so now knows he’s lying. She’s happily dropping him in it. You need to plan what you are going to say/do later when he gets home. I’m really sorry op, this is shit, and so is he.

I wouldnt personally be rushing to have it out. The instinct is to get this out but if you think you can do it, hold onto this and try and get any info you can whether thats the proof you need or just getting ahead of the game in terms of speaking to a divorce solicitor and getting all the financial info together.

Give yourself a bit of time to think things through before doing anything, make an excuse like a friend in an emergency that you need to stay away overnight if needed, give yourself some time to process and figure your next steps.

If you need to have it out tonight, do NOT tell him before he gets home, you will just give him time to delete any evidence. If anything when he walks in ask for his phone if you want some proof, give him no time to delete things.

Ask the OW for proof if you feel you need it but it sounds like things are clicking for you about all these "work trips". Im so sorry you have been given this news at such a crappy time, but try and give yourself time to process before you give him a chance to lie and make excuses, figure you own mind first.

He left earlier than usual today but he has been working to a deadline (or so he told me! I don't know anymore!)

I am absolutely serious. My father had serial affairs. This is what the women did to try and break up my parents' marriage.

Deal with the dh, but don't engage with the women because their motives are not pure. How could her motives be when she deliberately embarked on an affair with the dh (IF this is true).

Could you message her and ask her for proof, even if it is times/dates when they've been together, I know it is hard, but she may have told him she's told you, so he will be ready to either break down or be full of excuses and gaslighting in an attempt to wriggle out of it.

The better prepared you are with facts, the better.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but you need to remember that if it is true, life was only perfect because he was having his cake and eating it, he was making sure all your needs were met at home because it facilitated him having an affair, if it's all coming crashing down, you may now see a completely different side of him.

This. See what she comes up with. Say nothing else and nothing to your husband in the meantime.

Screenshots of messages, photos, emails, details of non-work things when H said he was on work trips. There’s a lot of proof on a phone.

I agree with the above.

This is between you and your DH. You have to have it out with him directly.

Don't engage with the OW at all, she is not on your side. Engaging with her is in some way (I can't explain) handing over a bit of your power.

Ok my take is she’s likely texted when she was drunk and upset and he’s left early to deal with it, and he knows. So he’s either going to have his story straight, either to deny or he’s going to admit. I suspect deny, but he might not.

I’m sorry to ask, was this baby planned?

I really feel for you reading this. You must be really affected by your upbringing. Your POV isn’t typical, I hope you do not allow men to treat you like this in your life. Your Mother deserved better then your Father and so did you.