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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog at family christmas gathering

208 replies

Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:21

I want my kids to join the big family gathering around Christmas time but a new 'big scary' dog will be there (pet of SIL). I can't speak directly to SIL and partner is useless communicator. Shall my kids just go on a separate day and not see rest of family or do I die from anxiety the whole time and pray for the best. Feeling quite annoyed about the whole thing tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:22

To add, my kids are scared of dogs and are a very hyperactive noisy bunch. Not mellow.

OP posts:
Applefumble · 07/12/2024 00:23

Is it actually scary or you don't like dogs?

NotMeForBakeoff · 07/12/2024 00:25

Why don't you educate your children around dogs, seeing that they are and always have been, quite common.

It's crippling for a child to be so anxious about an everyday animal (assuming it's not a banned or dangerous breed), so do something about it. Get them intera ting with smaller dogs and build up.

Moveoverdarlin · 07/12/2024 00:26

What breed is it?

YouAteTheSteak · 07/12/2024 00:26

Whose house is it?

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:27

NotMeForBakeoff · 07/12/2024 00:25

Why don't you educate your children around dogs, seeing that they are and always have been, quite common.

It's crippling for a child to be so anxious about an everyday animal (assuming it's not a banned or dangerous breed), so do something about it. Get them intera ting with smaller dogs and build up.

Between now and Christmas?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:28

Moveoverdarlin · 07/12/2024 00:26

What breed is it?

I have no idea. All I know is it's 'big and scary' according to partner who knows nothing about breeds.

OP posts:
5foot5 · 07/12/2024 00:28

When you say big scary dog, do you mean actually big and scary? Like an XL Bully or similar, in which case YANBU. Or just a biggish dog that you DC are scared of because they are abnormally afraid of dogs?

Or are your kids OK with it but you are the anxious one?

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:30

YouAteTheSteak · 07/12/2024 00:26

Whose house is it?

It's not the dog owners.

Plus my kids are on the spectrum so more prone to anxiety.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 07/12/2024 00:30

Is your partner wanting to get out of family gathering?

Moresweetsplease · 07/12/2024 00:31

Just don’t go on that day. Sounds like you won’t enjoy it and you have no idea of this dogs temperament and if likes being around noisy kids etc.

I was never keen on dogs as a kid and certainly to this day don’t like eating around them. So I’d have preferred not to go , but hey that’s just me - maybe ask the kids how they feel and also ask your SIL how the dog has been around kids?

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:32

No, partner wants to go with the kids but I know I will be really worried and I know my kids will be put in a position where they will be trying to avoid a 'big scary dog'.

OP posts:
MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 07/12/2024 00:33

There's clearly a back story here if you 'can't speak directly to SIL', what is it?

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:33

Also dog is a rescue dog.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:33

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 07/12/2024 00:33

There's clearly a back story here if you 'can't speak directly to SIL', what is it?

Just not close at all.

OP posts:
HolyPeaches · 07/12/2024 00:34

You need more information from your SIL before you make your decision.

Why can’t you communicate directly with her? Do you speak different languages?

You need to know what breed it is, how old it is, (I.e is it an untrained hyperactive puppy, or is it an older rescue) you need to know it’s temperament.

Applefumble · 07/12/2024 00:34

Dogs are like members of the family to a lot of people. You need to give a more balanced view of the situation, otherwise it's impossible to comment.

OneRealRosePlayer · 07/12/2024 00:34

Why don't you message her asking about the dog. "Hey, i heard you got a new dog. Id love to see a picture.""so cute. What breed is he? Hows training going? Etc". Just pretend your interested in the dog and then you have more information to make a decision

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 07/12/2024 00:36

Yes, but there's being 'not close', and not being able to talk to her. Can't you just pick up the phone, and say you understand the dog will be there, but you're a bit concerned because of the children, can she tell you what the dog is like, how old it is, what breed, etc. then do a bit of homework on the breed to find out more about it, before making your decision. Also, how does the host feel about your SIL taking along a 'big, scary, dog', have you asked them if they could say no to the dog going to the party?

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:36

Sil has had it for about a year. Honestly there's so much mental distance between us, I just can't reach out. Urgh. Hate this scenario.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:38

Honestly, I think I would just prefer it out of the house completely rather than make an uneducated guess about a dog's temperament. But I know that will probably raise eyebrows.

OP posts:
Circumferences · 07/12/2024 00:38

If you don't like dogs, don't go.

A lot of people are terrible dog owners who can't control their awful dogs and anyway you can choose any reason to decline an invitation.

HolyPeaches · 07/12/2024 00:39

Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:36

Sil has had it for about a year. Honestly there's so much mental distance between us, I just can't reach out. Urgh. Hate this scenario.

Why can’t you reach out?

Have you had fallouts in the past? Drama?

And if she’s had the dog a year then it’s not a ‘new’ dog.

I’m sorry to say, you are coming across as being quite difficult. So it’s probably in the best interest for you and your family if you do something separate with your family. It seems very unlikely that you are willing to give this woman a ring or text and have an adult conversation about the well-being and safety of your children.

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:40

It just would have been nice for the kids to see their family? Ya'know.

OP posts:
Circumferences · 07/12/2024 00:41

I’m sorry to say, you are coming across as being quite difficult

Or, op doesn't like dogs or her SIL 😆
Both normal things