Dog at family christmas gathering

[Pippy2022]

I want my kids to join the big family gathering around Christmas time but a new 'big scary' dog will be there (pet of SIL). I can't speak directly to SIL and partner is useless communicator. Shall my kids just go on a separate day and not see rest of family or do I die from anxiety the whole time and pray for the best. Feeling quite annoyed about the whole thing tbh.

I wouldn't take my kids into the house with a potentially dangerous dog, which this qualifies as from what you've said. You don't trust your SIL's judgement, clearly, and the information you have doesn't sound good. It's wild so many on here disagree. I won't take my kids round to my friend's house who has a "reactive" German Shepherd either, even though they're considered a family breed for some reason. No, they've killed and maimed people plenty of times and it's impossible to know when somebody else's dog is going to snap. Half the time the owners seem shocked when their violent dog mauls someone.

And it would be nice if you had thought about this more than two weeks in advance.

Or she would be completely normal and reasonable about it. It’s very hard to tell since OP won’t speak to her.

It’s up to the hosts.

If they would prefer to have the dog there, you should probably make alternative arrangements to see them over Christmas.

No big deal.

I wouldn't go if I were you. I love dogs but it sounds to me you really don't want to go and that's OK. Dog wouldn't put me off but the back story doesn't sound good. Families don't always get on for a million reasons.

Why can't they leave the dog at home?

Because leaving a dog on its own for days on end (or even just all day and overnight) while they're staying at someone else's house for Christmas would be horrendously cruel. And because the hosts are obviously perfectly happy for the dog to be in their house. Why shouldn't they be? Why should anyone else get to dictate who or what they're allowed to have in their own house?

It's a dog you haven't met before

Gosh, if only the OP had thought about Christmas arrangements and how it was all going to work out with the dog and her kids during the entire year the SIL has had the dog rather than two weeks before. 🙄

I have to agree with this

I think you just shouldn't go if your husband isn't willing to call and actually ask questions about the dog/discuss with your SIL how to manage the situation with a dog and children who are scared. Big and scary could mean anything- could be a big gentle giant, or could be a big reactive bully-type dog. If neither of you are willing to ask, then you'd be better off avoiding the situation.

I think it would also be good to try and get your kids used to dogs as much as you are able, although I can see you won't be able to do that before Xmas.

To be fair, some kids are just scared of dogs. I'm a MASSIVE dog lover (grew up with big breeds, love dogs of all shapes and sizes), my DH isn't a dog lover but isn't at all scared of them. My five year old has been around family members' dogs since he was a baby and hasn't had any particularly frightening experiences, apart from being jumped at by a small one once. He's absolutely terrified. He loves dogs from a distance, but can't cope with being in a room with one off-lead and shakes with fear if they come within touching distance. Even a family member's dog who he sees every week. He will stroke my friend's elderly shih tzu very gingerly if I'm there holding its collar and enjoys throwing a ball for my mum's dog, as long as someone is there to give him back the ball so the dog doesn't come too close. But we wouldn't be able to get him through the door of a friend's house, for example, if they had a dog there. No idea where the fear comes from but it can just happen- think he's the first non dog lover in the history of our family!

A dog is just not for Christmas.

Transgenerational trauma?

Sadly, this is true.

We should have a referendum on dogs. A lot of people are sick of them intruding into every area of their lives.

Why don't you start a petition 🐕

I only see it on here

Dogs are part of their family so they will be treated as such by good owners.

Only on MN.

They get accused of being dog haters if they make a big deal of it in real life.

And how on earth would that work?
I've never noticed all this drama IRL.
If you don't like dogs, avoid, same as other preferences in life.

If you're not that close, why are you so bothered about going? Do something lovely just your family instead 🎄

Just act like a grown up and ask. Basic info is normal, especially if your kids and scared of dogs. Might turn out to be a benefit for you as it could help them. This really is a you problem and if you’re not wiling to try and solve it with the obvious option of just finding out some information it doesn’t really matter what people here say.

How can you avoid them when they are allowed to be everywhere?

I would join a bring-your-dragon book club!

Was trying to enjoy a cafe lunch today and it was full of barking dogs.

I would just write to the family and say you're sorry but your children are scared of dogs and the prospect of Christmas is causing a lot of anxiety. Can they meet you without the dog in the afternoon somewhere neutral?

But but, I thought there were SO MANY like minded people out there??