Dog at family christmas gathering

[Pippy2022]

I want my kids to join the big family gathering around Christmas time but a new 'big scary' dog will be there (pet of SIL). I can't speak directly to SIL and partner is useless communicator. Shall my kids just go on a separate day and not see rest of family or do I die from anxiety the whole time and pray for the best. Feeling quite annoyed about the whole thing tbh.

I agree.

In this day and age a lot of people even get upset if you ask them not to let their dog jump on you Because it’s their “fur baby” . So it could be a horrible experience for your kids, if you’re somehow unable to find out more info from your SIL.

Explain to your partner you’re not happy with having your kids feeling anxious and scared on Christmas Day or whenever this get together is and see what he says. And obviously as I said upthread ask the kids if they’re old enough to answer/express an opinion.

My partner is not close at all with their family and I barely have contact so it's hard to reach out.

She’s not willing to reach out to her SIL to discuss anything. She’s being difficult.

Don’t go then.

Problem solved.

I'd not go, and not want my children around the dog either. Can you ask for the dog to be left at home? Not fair that your children miss out on family time because of a dog, but I don't think you are unreasonable at all to not want to go with it there.

It's a tough one because I absolutely adore dogs, however I don't expect everyone to adore my dog and a lot of my family actively dislike dogs. Is it possible for you to meet the dog before Christmas without your kids so you can get an idea of what it's actually like and how well she manages it? For example my dog is big and bouncy (and a rescue) but we've done lots of training and management so my family can come round and trust that he won't invade their space unless invited.

If you're incapable of acting like an adult and phoning your sister in law to ask how the dog is around children why can't you ask another relative who has met the dog?

I would never take my young child to any house where there was a dog present and would also never let anyone bring a dog to my house.

Why do people these days bring their dogs wherever they go? I really don't understand it. If your kids are petrified of dogs then just make your excuses I suppose without making a big family drama about it I suppose. No point of giving the kids an anxious day.

Well they can - minus your sister in law and the dog if you go on a different day. If the hosts are happy to accommodate the dog and neither you nor your partner can communicate effectively with your sister in law you'll just have to visit separately.

Thanks (and to others) for understanding. Sil is staying at the place over Christmas so there isn't anywhere for dog to go.

You and your partner sound ridiculous and it’s no wonder your kids are nervous of dogs if your partner is describing the animal as big and scary . If your partner isn’t close to their family it seems like you just want to make a huge drama over nothing . If the animals owner is staying over Christmas where would you suggest she puts her pet , particularly as it seems to be only your part of the family that has a problem with it .

When I first moved to the town I now stay in, I was looking into joining a meet up group for women to make new friends and do fun activities together. Like shopping at street markets, brunches etc. Then I saw it was “pooches welcome” etc and saw some dogs in their social media photos and I just rolled my eyes.

People aren’t able to bring their (actual human!) babies for example so I don’t see why they can bring their “fur babies” ?

You’ve joined a new group to meet other PEOPLE surely - leave your dog at home for a few hours ffs unless it’s a dog walker community or something. It put me off it completely.

I saw the same thing for a bookshop run book club too 🤦🏽‍♀️ dog friendly blah blah.
dogs at a book club - why?!

If your partner isn't close to his family then why is he bothered about going?
Just stay at home and visit them when SIL leaves, you can't reasonably dictate if the dog is allowed to stay in someone else's house or not but you can visit another time.

I prefer my dog to most humans. Lots of owners probably feel the same way and it's why they bring them everywhere- they are family.

Sorry to say (I like dogs) but they are animals and can act unexpectedly. Especially if a rescue.

If you don't feel comfortable with your kids being around the dog simply don't go. If you can perhaps see if the dog can be left at home or go somewhere else for part of the day (maybe they will take it for a long walk or to see other family or arrive late etc) and you do your visiting then.

Don't put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

When my youngest was 2 years Sil's previous dog gave my kid a scare. It didn't bite but lunged as a sort of warning. This dog was considered totally harmless at the time.

This is why I'm fretting and as people say it's probably easier to not go on the day when everyone is there, to my kid's detriment, but to avoid 'drama'.

I would be honest about the reason. I won't come for lunch as I'm a bit worried about the dog with the kids, but I will pop round later/on x date to see you.

If he wants to go and take the kids why on earth is he scaremongering instead of just talking about it rationally?

are you both prone to dramatics about this sort of thing?

thats actually really mean

You and your partner are clearly both scared of dogs.

You really are being difficult about this. Pick up the phone to SIL and ask some sensible questions about the dog. Make an informed decision.

Also, watch some videos with your children about dogs and warning signs. Dogs communicate very clearly if they are unhappy. Their ear position changes, they open their eyes wide so you can see the whites, they often curl their lip up so the gum is visible (some people mistake this for a smile). It's also useful teaching kids what not to do around dogs - no hugging or kissing, offer your hand first, no pulling of tail or ears. If your kids can't be trusted or are too young to behave sensibly they need to be supervised.
You honestly sound like a drama llama. You really want to go but are not close this family???

If you want to go it may be possible but requires you to put your big girl pants on.

Respectfully OP, you sound like a teenager.

THE DOG IS THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS...you about to spend a special day with people you don't care/share interests/ can talk comfortably 'My partner is not close at all with their family and I barely have contact so it's hard to reach out.

I wouldn't risk put my kids in an uncomfortable/dangerous position (And I love dogs.. for me the more the merrier)

In your position I wouldn't go...not because of the dog but because it all sounds fake and heartless

It does sound a dramatic response, however, if it causes you stress then politely decline. Blame an allergy if needs be.

I don't like dogs and wouldn't want my Christmas to involve a dog snarling at me, humping my leg or smelling my nether regions. Id suss the dog out first, some are cute but others are not despite the owner claiming'he's friendly'