Dog at family christmas gathering

[Pippy2022]

I want my kids to join the big family gathering around Christmas time but a new 'big scary' dog will be there (pet of SIL). I can't speak directly to SIL and partner is useless communicator. Shall my kids just go on a separate day and not see rest of family or do I die from anxiety the whole time and pray for the best. Feeling quite annoyed about the whole thing tbh.

This is all a bit peculiar. Your DH needs to reach out with a simple question like 'hey mum, what's the dog like? Obvs DGC will be full on & noisy, will it be OK? Would it be best for the dog to be away whilst we're there or should we just come before dsis gets arrives?'

But you both seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill when actually you don't even know if it's a molehill at all, might just be a lil scuff in the turf.

You also do VERY much need to work out teaching your kids how to be around dogs else without that knowledge, at some point, they will get bitten.

No one is telling them not to. She's allowed to have a dog. You have no idea if it's well behaved or not.

Why?

Because if they are going to be away all day it is cruel to leave the dog alone without being let out for the toilet.

If your SIL and the dog are staying there and you're only visiting for a few hours, surely the dog can be put in a room away from the children for the duration of your visit, or at least for times when the house is really busy. Poor dog would probably prefer a bit of peace and quiet and being away from children anyway.

So they’ve had the dog a year, and it looks ‘ Big and scary’ but you don’t actually know if it is big and scary?

Instead of second guessing, just make the phone call! Ask what they plan to do with the dog, what his temperant is like etc. sone of the bigger dogs are gentle giants, and it’s the small yappy ones that you have to be aware of. You could even explain that your kids are scared of dogs, hence the questions.

Can’t you ask your PIL to ensure the dog is kept in the garden while your children visit?

TBH having hyperactive children with additional needs and a large rescue dog in the same room sounds an invitation to disaster.

Yes

It seems to be known that they have a poor relationship with the family, the kids can be rowdy and the parents don't like dogs. The only uncertainty is the dogs behaviour!

Ask or accept it's your problem

Well your poor kids will be scared if you and your partner keep going on about the “big scary dog”!!! FGS you haven’t seen the dog and have no idea of the breed so I think you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself. I have two dogs an Old English Sheepdog and a Bernese Mountain Dog both very big but exceedingly gentle and child friendly. The ‘big scary dog’ might be nothing of the sort. Poor kid#.

Christmas is for humans, not dogs.

I think you just need to be a grown up and say that your children and yourself are anxious around animals and so this year you'll be staying at home. Maybe explain your children's conditions make it difficult for them to be calm around dogs so not really fair on either party.

So you aren’t close to the family at all and rarely speak so why what’s different about Xmas day? Why bother? I’d rather sit the hot press reading an old copy of the yellow pages than spend Xmas with people I’m not close to.

Dogs and children don’t necessarily mix well - especially a rescue dog and children with ASD and/or ADHD. There’s a lot of unpredictability there. If SIL is staying over Christmas with the dog, it makes sense to see those family members at a different time.

Agree to rearrange to see family with the children when SIL and the dog have gone home? You and your husband seem to be very scared of dogs which, understandably makes you worry for your children. How does he know the dog is "big and scary"? Has someone told him, has he seen a photo?

You are not creating confident children. Your anxieties will not help your children long term. They are missing out on the friendship & loyalty that dogs give. By saying it is big & scary you are already putting fear into them. So sad for the children.

I'm a dog person, but I would not put myself or children in the presence of a dog without more information. If there's any chance it has pitbull, xl bully, or some other dangerous breed in the mix, I would not risk it.

But to be honest, if the situation is such that neither you nor your partner can speak to someone in his family about this concern, it probably wouldn't be a wonderful Christmas with them, anyway.

OP, dogs are everywhere. Look up dog body language and warning signs. It's a basic life skill these days, and you will feel a lot more confident for it.

Although this sounds more like it's actually about the family, rather than the dog.

Just go on a separate day and explain why? We're also missing Christmas with my family this year for a similar reason (new baby) . Although their dog isn't scary he is very big and they are can't control him. ( He has a tendency to jump up).

You can't assess any risk without having an open and guest chat with SIL. She can't reassure you or provide you with context and info about the dog unless you let her know about your concerns.

A conversation with SIL is required OP.

If you can't make that happen for the sake of your DC's safety and your sanity then YABU. Parenting involves advocating for DC and having tricky conversations.

I'd ask too and if not I wouldn't take my children.

This. You and your partner have obviously cased your children’s fear of dogs as they are just picking up your ridiculous attitude to them.

Christmas is celebrating the birth of Christ. There are no dogs in the bible.

You don't like them and he's not close
The dog isn't an issue
What's the point of going?
Assuming they live too far away if they're staying so there's not much else they can do with the dog

And?

🙄