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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dog at family christmas gathering

208 replies

Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:21

I want my kids to join the big family gathering around Christmas time but a new 'big scary' dog will be there (pet of SIL). I can't speak directly to SIL and partner is useless communicator. Shall my kids just go on a separate day and not see rest of family or do I die from anxiety the whole time and pray for the best. Feeling quite annoyed about the whole thing tbh.

OP posts:
Circumferences · 07/12/2024 13:37

SALaw · 07/12/2024 01:38

Why?

I'm the same!

Shock - horror, newsflash.
Dogs are a nightmare.
There are also way too many dogs.

Whaleandsnail6 · 07/12/2024 13:38

OonaStubbs · 07/12/2024 13:22

Christmas is celebrating the birth of Christ. There are no dogs in the bible.

There is dogs in the bible.

Anyway op, I think you have made the right decision not to go.

Without knowing more information on the dog its hard to say of your sil is unreasonable for bringing it...the dog could just be large but not really bother with the kids and you could keep them away from it. Its not really a new dog if they have had it a year

People could consider my dog "scary" as she is large but that doesn't make her a danger to children. She is a greyhound and would just take herself away from the hustle and bustle and sleep so as long as kids didnt keep going over to her, there would be no bother.

Everyone else is happy for the dog to ve there so as the ones with the issue, I think its right you go another day

Workingthroughit · 07/12/2024 13:42

So you know very little about this dog and YOU have decided it’s scary. You have also done naff all about getting your kids used to dogs and have pandered to their ‘anxiety’. This is a you problem

Mrsbloggz · 07/12/2024 13:42

Large powerful dogs should not be kept as pets. The fact that it's a rescue adds an extra element of risk. I would refuse to go and I would make sure the owners of the dog knew why.
Dog owners need to wake up and realise that their creatures are a problem!

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/12/2024 13:42

OonaStubbs · 07/12/2024 13:22

Christmas is celebrating the birth of Christ. There are no dogs in the bible.

No Santa in the bible, no Christmas trees. I could go on.

TheBunyip · 07/12/2024 13:44

If you’re not close enough to pick up the phone and call any one of them why on earth do you want to spend the there?

pizzaHeart · 07/12/2024 13:45

Some people get offended even if you ask them whether their dog is well behaved. Also the answer : yes, the dog is well behaved is not always helpful as different people put different meaning into this.
I would rather ask : Is it possible to keep dog in a separate room while children are visiting? And then see what you’ve got in response.
If you are not sure how reliable the communication is I will visit on a different day.

SALaw · 07/12/2024 13:45

Cosyblankets · 07/12/2024 13:31

You don't like them and he's not close
The dog isn't an issue
What's the point of going?
Assuming they live too far away if they're staying so there's not much else they can do with the dog

Or turkey or crackers or Christmas trees or Christmas pudding or Brussel sprouts or tinsel or Carol services or stocking or elves or Santa or holly or...What's your point?

myconfessionname · 07/12/2024 13:46

Moresweetsplease · 07/12/2024 00:57

When I first moved to the town I now stay in, I was looking into joining a meet up group for women to make new friends and do fun activities together. Like shopping at street markets, brunches etc. Then I saw it was “pooches welcome” etc and saw some dogs in their social media photos and I just rolled my eyes.

People aren’t able to bring their (actual human!) babies for example so I don’t see why they can bring their “fur babies” ?

You’ve joined a new group to meet other PEOPLE surely - leave your dog at home for a few hours ffs unless it’s a dog walker community or something. It put me off it completely.

I saw the same thing for a bookshop run book club too 🤦🏽‍♀️ dog friendly blah blah.
dogs at a book club - why?!

Because a lot of people like dogs and they felt they'd get more group members if they didn't ban them, I guess.

TheMixedGirl · 07/12/2024 13:46

Pamosonic · 07/12/2024 00:47

Why do people these days bring their dogs wherever they go? I really don't understand it. If your kids are petrified of dogs then just make your excuses I suppose without making a big family drama about it I suppose. No point of giving the kids an anxious day.

Edited

Because people like doing activities with their dogs. I've seen better behaved dogs in restaurants than children who are present. Please.

K0OLA1D · 07/12/2024 13:46

OonaStubbs · 07/12/2024 01:49

Christmas is for humans, not dogs.

Christmas is for whatever and whoever you want to include. Mine very much involves my dog and cats.

SALaw · 07/12/2024 13:47

I don't know why my message replied to that one - was meant to reply to the one about no dogs in the bible Xmas Confused

Mrsbloggz · 07/12/2024 13:47

myconfessionname · 07/12/2024 13:46

Because a lot of people like dogs and they felt they'd get more group members if they didn't ban them, I guess.

A large and growing number of people dislike dogs and don't want to be anywhere near them.

Spidey66 · 07/12/2024 13:49

OonaStubbs · 07/12/2024 01:49

Christmas is for humans, not dogs.

And a dog is for life, not just Christmas.

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/12/2024 13:50

SALaw · 07/12/2024 13:45

Or turkey or crackers or Christmas trees or Christmas pudding or Brussel sprouts or tinsel or Carol services or stocking or elves or Santa or holly or...What's your point?

Think you quoted the wrong person, should have been OonaStubbs.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/12/2024 13:50

@Pippy2022 why would she be taking her dog to inlaws house??? she should be leaving the dog at home.

myconfessionname · 07/12/2024 13:52

Mrsbloggz · 07/12/2024 13:47

A large and growing number of people dislike dogs and don't want to be anywhere near them.

I was just responding to why those particular groups felt it would suit them to include dogs. It obviously worked for their members. I imagine if that dwindled they'd change their policy.

BoobyDazzler · 07/12/2024 13:55

My family all have dogs, it can get a bit crazy when where all together but they’re part of the family aren’t they. If you have a dog and don’t consider it should go where you are then you shouldn’t have a dog, imo.

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 07/12/2024 13:56

The hysteria around the existence of dogs is something I’ve only ever come across on MN.

With the exception of children who have actually been bitten by a dog, IME the majority of children’s fear of dogs has been fuelled by the parents’ hysterical reaction to them. There seems to be this thought process on MN that every dog is an aggressive monster just waiting to tear their children apart, unprovoked, when this is far from the truth.

Yes of course there have been dog attacks in the news recently, but you only have to look at what kind of dogs these are, not your average family pet, although everyone who talks about not wanting to have their children around their family member’s dog will tell you that it’s an xl bully, because of course everyone has one these days.

Honestly this talk of dying from anxiety because there is a “big scary dog” (even though you know nothing about the dog) is part of the problem here.

If you have diagnosed anxiety then you need to seek more help for it.

If you’re just throwing anxiety around then you need to stop because it’s an over used which means that people with genuine, diagnosed anxiety are no longer taken seriously by the majority of the population, because everyone seems to have anxiety when actually some people are a bit nervous/temporarily anxious.

And you need to get your children used to dogs, and not feed what is probably not a fear at all.

myconfessionname · 07/12/2024 13:56

Gatecrashermum · 07/12/2024 01:28

You and your partner are clearly both scared of dogs.

You really are being difficult about this. Pick up the phone to SIL and ask some sensible questions about the dog. Make an informed decision.

Also, watch some videos with your children about dogs and warning signs. Dogs communicate very clearly if they are unhappy. Their ear position changes, they open their eyes wide so you can see the whites, they often curl their lip up so the gum is visible (some people mistake this for a smile). It's also useful teaching kids what not to do around dogs - no hugging or kissing, offer your hand first, no pulling of tail or ears. If your kids can't be trusted or are too young to behave sensibly they need to be supervised.
You honestly sound like a drama llama. You really want to go but are not close this family???

If you want to go it may be possible but requires you to put your big girl pants on.

Please be careful with the 'offer hand' thing

Dog's sense smell FAR stronger than we do. They don't need a hand. Most dogs don't mind but some dogs really don't like a hand stuck at them, especially quickly which kids tend to do, rapid movements.

Best thing to do with a 'new' dog is let them come to you, no sudden movements, let them have a good sniff so they know you're safe.

Namenamchange · 07/12/2024 13:57

My ASD dc hated dogs so scared of them. We nervously went to a party with a ‘big scary dog’ we spoke to the owners before so they could keep on eye on the dog, within an hour the dc and dog were snuggled on the sofa.

we now have a dog, best thing we ever did for him.

find out the breed, speak to sil explain the situation.

myconfessionname · 07/12/2024 13:57

I agree with everything else you've said though!

Whaleandsnail6 · 07/12/2024 13:57

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/12/2024 13:50

@Pippy2022 why would she be taking her dog to inlaws house??? she should be leaving the dog at home.

Why though? The inlaws are obviously happy for her to bring it or it wouldnt be there

I take my dog to my mums. We stay there overnight so she couldn't stay home alone. My mum is happy for me to bring her. Its up to other people if they visit my mum whilst the dog is there.

Wingedharpy · 07/12/2024 13:58

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/12/2024 13:50

@Pippy2022 why would she be taking her dog to inlaws house??? she should be leaving the dog at home.

OP said dog owner is staying with in-laws all over Christmas period.
I suspect this could have something to do with taking dog with her.

SemperIdem · 07/12/2024 14:02

I like dogs, most breeds though not all. I have a little dog of a breed type intended to be a family pet.

I am wary of rescue dogs however and the larger they are the more wary I am. I wouldn’t want my child around a large dog, of effectively unknown origin in a hyped up social situation like a Christmas gathering at a family members house. I’d make my excuses and not go.