Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

Send one last reminder tonight. “Hi CF, tonight is the absolute deadline for a bank transfer to me if you wanted to be part of the collective gift for XYZ. If you’d rather arrange something separately, that’s not a problem”.

Get the vouchers in separate £20 vouchers. Ask the parents on thr WhatsApp group to ask their child for a favourite thing about their teacher so you can put it on the back of "their" voucher. That way it looks like you are doing something sweet for the teacher rather than "mean" by signing 9 names....

Thanks - I have already sent a reminder - the 3rd but this one personal "Hi CF - I assume as you've not contributed, you are doing your own thing with your child like last year" - response - "No, I'm just disorganised" ....the excuse for every event..
manages to hold down a corporate job in the meaantime...

"Hi CF, as you've not contributed your name won't be on the gift card. Just thought I'd give you a heads up in case you want to sort something individually."

This is brilliant - thank you!

We do something similar in our state school and the mum who organises only puts the names of the children that contributed.

Do this if you want, but I doubt the teacher will work out the subtle message and you are giving yourself a load of extra effort and will make it awkward to spend the vouchers- aren't most of them plastic cards these days anyhow.

I can guarantee that the personalised messages would be read and appreciated by the teacher. I am always grateful for a gift, but some of the messages written for me by kids make me feel better on bad days.

I would message her one last time and say last chance to contribute towards gifts and then say to add a little lovely touch I’m going to write the children’s names this year, on the card.
If she replies saying can you add in her child’s name then reply saying I will once you’ve transferred the funds and then leave it at that.

Maybe they can’t afford it as they are spending all their money on school fees?
Maybe someone else is paying the school fees and they are struggling financially. You don’t know anyone’s situation and can’t judge. £20 is a lot per child.

No offence but I think I’d tell you to get stuffed. £20 per child? No. Far too much.

Also you have no clue what her financial situation is, just because her kid is in private school doesn’t mean she’s not struggling or here’s an idea maybe she just doesn’t want to give that much money.

My son is in private school. I refuse to get involved with the whip rounds. It’s out of control at his school. One year one of his teachers was gifted an entire wardrobe of new clothes, other year one of his teachers was gifted a holiday and then last his year 5 teacher got about a grand in restaurant vouchers.

This isn't the case- if it were I'd be extremely sympathetic- it's choosing not to contribute rather than being unable to - and she has form for this . Plenty for other discretionary spending though

I’d not give her any more reminders, just crack on with the present then when it’s all sorted, pop in the group chat that you’ve signed the card from those that contributed. If she kicks off, point out you reminded her 3 times!

I organised this for y6 state elementary class of 30 students. 20 participated. Those who participated all signed the card with their names (the children) and the others not. But 20£ was not asked for. I made it very clear that there was no minimum amount so that everyone can participate. Some gave 5, many ten, some fifteen and some 20£. If someone had given 1£ that would not have been a problem either. We all have different situations.

If you go to private school ofcourse you have the means to cough up 20£. I would leave her out of it since she got form for being a cf.

planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child

If it's in the children's names I wouldn't. That's horrible. Yes, she's a nobber but that's not her child's fault. In the adult's names? Fine.

I'd have no issue with a polite "we have sorted out our own teacher gift so won't be contributing " - which I got one year from her - it's the last 2 years of "I'm going to contribute but forgetting " to contribute which is frustrating - it's a waste of my time. I don't be doing this again.

The only person you are singling out by excluding their name is a small child.

Hope it makes you proud to be that sort of person.

I don’t get this, can’t parents buy their own individual presents to the teacher anymore
A voucher seems a bit 😬
I’m a teacher and used to adore receiving all the personal gifts

@MJMJMJMJ - a small child who has been welcomed into my home many times and for treats (not reciprocated)

But you’ve decided to spend someone else’s money for them.
its a class present so needs to include all children but parents aren’t given a choice about it. £20 is a lot for something like that. £200 is a lot to gift the teacher.

I think leaving one child out because of the actions of their parent is cruel and if I was the class teacher I would have a low opinion of the adults who had done this

I just wouldn’t bother doing it anymore and let everyone do their own thing. If they are in the same class the same thing will happen every year. Also £20 per child is ridiculous, there are probably other parents who feel pressured to contribute and would welcome the chance to just do a card and some sweets. As a teacher I would be embarrassed by that amount, it is pretty excessive.

I did say contribute what you can, between £10 and £20 considering some parents are contributing for 3 classes. A £1 or £5 contribution would have been fine

Yea leaving them out from a class present would be very mean.

I'd rather have all the names and less money. The teachers remember the children, not the gift.