Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

Child has a few years of growing up to do before they can reciprocate 😂.

You say that now but based on everything else you’ve said I doubt it. If they gave less than £20 it would be spread around the other parents and they would be judged

I think £20 is a lot. Our private school WhatsApp is the same - everyone puts in £20 and I think it’s too much. I’m confident enough to message the organiser and say thanks but no thanks. I wonder if this person isn’t brave enough to say it so fobs you off. Not right and highly irritating but maybe a bit more understandable. You seem to know an awful lot about this persons spending habits

That's awful just putting the names of the children down, whose parents have contributed. What does the organiser hope to achieve by this? It seems particularly meanspirited. Not everyone can afford to contribute to these big collections.
To the OP, £20 is a lot of money to expect for a collection.

Is there any chance her DH controls the finances and makes things difficult for her.

My friends' ex made sure he was the only one with online banking/banking app. She'd have to ask him to do anything like this and he'd make her look bad by holding out until the last minute.

Is her DH on the WA group as well?

Wow - my DC have been through preps and still at independents and I’ve never been asked to pay as much as £20. We were asked to contribute what we wanted from £5+, with the usual being £10.
I’d be organising my own present!
I don’t think it should be assumed that private school parents don’t have money worries and can cough up £20. Private school can make parents very cash poor!
I’d be sending her a message to say ‘deadline for contributions is X. If you wish to be included in the card, please could you pay by x latest’. I’d then send the card from everyone anyway, so the child isn’t excluded, but she will not know this.

I don't see the issue. Give the teacher the £180 that you have and sign it as from all the children.

And do your own individual thing next year.

This is fair enough. I would do this.

Don’t organise something that makes you so annoyed.

I never put individuals names for this stuff, I write that it’s from the whole group. It’s too mean to leave out someone when it’s not the kid’s fault. Also what’s the purpose of the gift: make the teacher feel good that the class thought of her and give her sometime she’ll enjoy? Or to make the givers feel satisfied their contribution was personally acknowledged? Who is it about?

Given what you’ve written about this woman I find it very hard to believe you would have been ‘fine’ with a one pound contribution.

I hate whip arounds. I always put in even when I don’t want to as don’t want my kids name not to be on the card 😩 my kids like to give a gift so a Lindt choc reindeer or similar so I then end up spending double!

I wonder if some CF parents know fine well that 90% of organisers of teacher gifts won’t leave one child’s name off of the card, and therefore have no real fire under them to pay their money (or to exclude themselves from the whole thing) as they know their kid will be included anyway.

No, this is not fair. She's a leech. I say this as a private school parent. You may not want to contribute £15 or £20, but you can do better than a fiver.

I'd say something like this to the CF mum: Dear CF Mum. I'm sorry I have been pressurising the parents in our class for the last few years to spend a large amount of money because I was prejudiced about the financial situation of private school parents. I really regret that I considered shaming you and your child by making it clear to the teacher that you hadn't contributed to their present. I will stop asking for £20 every Christmas as it is a complete pointless exercise and I'm sure the teacher would be horrified if they knew how stressful it is for some of us.

All of this.

Ridiculous

So why can't she just say that?
"Money's tight, I spent my bonus on a fat bag of Charlie for our works do, and sorry but you plebs aren't important enough for me to bother with"
Or whatever the reason is.

How about saying to the class that as not everyone contributes, everyone can get their own gifts and do their own thing for the teacher? That way you save the stress of chasing and wondering whether to include cf child's name or not and everyone can gift and spend what they like on the teacher's gift.

But they can give something. £8.

Honestly, this seems really petty and mean towards the child - who you would be excluding - through no fault of his own. She might be a leech, she might have a financially controlling husband, but ultimately it's the child you are punishing here.

I've just remembered that the one and only time we had a joint class Christmas gift, the organiser bought a plain paper pad for not much money and all the children filled it with pictures and messages for the teacher.

All this collecting money just to buy a voucher and signing it as from children who had no involvement in it seems a bit cold.

honestly I think £20 per parent is a ridiculous amount of money for a teacher .

i would put from all class on card and say going forward everyone can do individual gifts

There is absolutely no way a teacher should be allowed to accept £200 in gifts.

This is why I don’t contribute to a class thing. How do you know she can do better than a £5. She might not want to! 20 x £5 is still a decent gift for a teacher. It’s twice a year more than one child and can really add up.

To be fair the OP’s situation sound like the lady is being a bit of a CF but there’s something to be said that these class collections have got out of hand.

This is just loathsome nonsense

Who cares ? Think of all the sadness and misery in this world and you want to leave one child's name off a class card

Get a life.

With all the other scenarios being floated about the other parent’s financial situation, if it was a case of being unable to afford £20, why could she not just have said she’ll get the teacher something separately?

I think it’s odds on that she is just trying to dodge the contribution.