Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

If you read the post it says she can afford to spend plenty on dinners and drinks out.

I had one of those parents when my son went to a fee paying primary school. She never paid a bean for the annual tuition. Despite it being a 10th of the annual fee as the rest was subsidised by the French government. Despite that I had the awkward situation of my son and one of hers being very close friends. To give context to all the Mumsnetters wondering if it was a particular difficulty with finances I was told by the head of the parents committee that it was always the same parents that presented such difficulty ( as he discreetly put it). One year I invited her and sons to Xmas. She asked what could she bring… I said ( as what was common in that order of the world.. bring a salad if you’re keen). She did. She brought a salad composed of iceberg lettuce… broken up. In a bowl. And turned up to mine with her boyfriend and three children from her prior marriage. We provided champagne beer wine Turkey ham seafood potatoes bread cheese veggies three different desserts etc. She owned two properties at the time on a teachers salary and as someone who was recently divorced’ after a few years. After that experience I must say my eyes were open that there were some people who simply take the oiss. Hadnt met met type before..

Way too much.

£5 would be my contribution

Yes but would the teacher work out that one parent/child forgot to pay and so wasn't included? Probably not.

Or some chocolates or box of biscuits

I don't understand why teacher gifts have gone so insane & excluding kids is horrific. Imagine how that child would feel - it's not their fault! My friend always forgot, promising to pay for things or turn up, but didn't. I often quietly filled in the gaps because I saw her children's faces. Like mine growing up. It's sucks to be excluded because your parent is too tight or lazy. Be a bit kinder. The child does remember.

But, I refuse to buy teacher gifts. I make a point of thanking their teacher, in person, so they know their efforts have been appreciated. We don't do group gifts. It's a state school & some parents have multiple children at the school & limited funds.

I know I'd prefer positive feedback in my office job than the generic gift & the only feedback is when the boss is unhappy. Lack of recognition is partially why I'm looking for another job.

The teacher won't give a crap if you leave one name off they won't even register it so your dastardly plan is pointless but go ahead if it makes you feel better as neither the CF or the teacher give a shit

I’d say they probably would to be fair. If I was a teacher of 10 pupils and I received a personalised message from 9 of them, I’d notice pretty rapidly. I currently have 30 pupils in my class and I would notice if one was missing.

But I wouldn’t think anything less of the child (obviously) I’d pretty rapidly realise that their mum hadn’t put in the collection.

I hate the pressure to contribute to presents like this. Maybe she does too.

She shouldn’t be asking for her name to be included. Lots of valid reasons not to contribute, but nobody should take credit for anyone else’s efforts.

I meant I'd probably notice but think they couldn't afford it rather than couldn't be bothered.

This.
The teacher won’t care.

@RedOrangeSky Tbh, it would be so much easier if she just told the OP that she wouldn't be contributing. She doesn't need to give a reason!

Exactly! The child hasn’t done anything bless them

I’m a teacher and feel so embarrassed when I’m given vouchers.
I’m already paid to do my job!
I’d much rather a handmade Christmas card or if you insist on a gift something small eg homemade marmalade.
I don’t know one teacher who thinks vouchers are a good idea.

we have a class kitty at our school for this - one suggested donation of £25 / child collected at the beginning of the year to cover Christmas + summer gifts for teachers + a little fund in case we want to send flowers for a new baby etc.

there’s one family that don’t contribute despite reminders. I am not petty enough to leave them off cards. That’s not the point. The point is those that want o contribute do so and the single gift from the class means there’s no awkward hierarchy of gifts.

set boundaries with this parent about the freebies + lifts. That’s a given. But the class gift seems like a mean spirited hill to die on.

I like the idea of a class gift from the teacher's point of view, because it means they don't get 30 boxes of chocs or whatever. However being hassled for your contribution and then, as a young child, not getting your name on the card because your mummy and daddy didn't pay sounds horrid. I honestly don't know how you can think this is ok.

Does no one else think this whole gift thing sounds ott? Like really? The teacher could just make do with a lovely box of malteasers

If she’s too disorganised to contribute, I expect you are too disorganised to include her child’s name.

It's a private school though, doncha know

Buying presents for teachers seems to have got way out of hand these days. I must be getting old.

Blimey. What a guilt trip

I like to send a thank you gift in to teachers but like hell do I have time to make bloody homemade marmalade (!). I'm lucky if I have time to make my own lunch half the time.

Sorry if my voucher is embarrassing.

But will she ever know that her name wasn’t on there or just assume that it was.

Sorry but the parent agreed to contribute and now won't pay her share. That's not OPs fault. If the parent was having problems with money or wanted to back out, it's on her to message OP and say that, not on OP to cover her arse or chase her up.

OP just message her one last time and say that unless the money is with you by sunday, you're going to assume she is not contributing. You don't have to tell her you won't include her child on the card, in fact you can still write "from year x" on the card, it's more about kicking her up the arse instead of punishing her child.

She can obviously afford it if she's out for dinner and drinks constantly.