Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

I did that when I was organising the class collection in a state school class of 30 and you know everyone is of differing means - this is very different

Is she called Amanda and do you work in FMLG?

thanks @Dealingwithatrexrightnow - you get it - my time is no less important - the constant chasing for the money has been a complete waste of my time and why should the rest of the class subsidise her? If she doesn't want to be involved just say they are doing their own thing instead of openly lying promising to pay

Don't be ridiculous. The child has no idea

Whichever unlucky person does the next collection, include a bit in the message saying 'If anyone wants to opt out and do their own present then just let me know. I'll sign the card from all those who contribute and anyone who misses the deadline for that can sort their own present'.

If everyone has to contribute £20 then they may as well all just present her with a £20 voucher. A whip round is only really necessary if everyone is contributing a few quid to buy a bunch of flowers/bottle of wine. Seems convoluted to all transfer 20 to one person who then converts that exact amount to vouchers. Also, don't the kids all want to write their own Christmas cards anyway?

I wonder if this is my boss, her daughter is in a private prep and although she’s loaded she’s extraordinarily tight! She asks people at work to do private jobs for her in their own time with the promise of a bottle of wine but never delivers it.

Not to me! I think it's a bargain that I'd just have to transfer money and then someone else would organise card and vouchers. That's two minutes of my time and done!

Chickoletta · 08/12/2024 09:50

I’m a teacher at an independent school and have two children there myself. I would not have spent £20 on a teacher gift. I hated all of this stuff when mine were in Prep. We always opted out and gave a small bottle of homemade slow gin which was always appreciated.
Despite the fact that they pay fees, you have no idea about their financial situation really. Fees are often paid by grandparents, for example. As a HOY, I’ve dealt with families with children at independent school who are in financial crisis.

When I was teaching, a bottle of slow gin would have been the perfect antidote to a frantic year...

I don't really like the culture of this. We do it at our school and I volunteer once every now and again to collect the money while also feeling totally against the concept.

You just don't know the situation- she might have her reasons, she might not but let's put the kids first. I always put all the kids names on the card. It's about the kids and the teacher and I just think it's petty to nitpick at one family whose situation you know nothing about.

She prioritises things other than paying her own way.

Honestly, I'd keep on and on and ON at her. "I've had a look and I don't see your contributions from last Christmas (ie 2023), summer 2024, or this Christmas (2024). Can you transfer £60 to me this week to cover them, thanks". Repeat every week or two.

If you bought vouchers for £180 (ie 9 kids at £20, not including her), then rephrase as "in summer 2025, you will owe £80 from previous missed contributions, I'm sorry you're experiencing such severe and prolongued financial difficulties. Would it be better to just agree on individual gifts?"

I loved the soft opening you did for “Hygey Tigey”.

OP, at this point in the saga I’d be printing out flyers to shame her and stapling them to trees in the local area.

Just remove her from next contributions. Don’t even ask her. Make a separate class contribution group and exclude her. She’ll probably never even notice. If she does then you can say she’s never paid so presumed she wanted no part and now you don’t need to keep embarrassing her for money if it’s obviously a problem for her.
she’s a cf and I really couldn’t let this lie. And those that say don’t make this about the children and don’t exclude her child. The mother is doing that. Not op. The child’s own mother is the one choosing to exclude her own child. Plus it’s a teacher, she is able to understand this is not coming from pocket money but rather the parent hasn’t paid so don’t worry about the child in this case.