Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

What presents are the teachers getting at £65 a head? That just seems massively excessive.

State school parent here, we just put the names of the kids whose parents put in a contribution on the card. This is my 14th year as a primary school parent and it’s never caused issues. Other kids might have made a gift or chosen something for the teacher themselves so it’s perfectly normal.

I have never contributed to the teacher present, no idea if my child’s name was left off or not and don’t care, and never noticed anyone treating her differently. Would be incredibly unprofessional if they did.

have a whatsapp group which is clearly visible and ask the parents to confirm that they have paid….yes its a bit contrived but it makes the point.

I'm with you. Leave the kids name off the card. If you don't contribute, the gift isn't from you!

Her freeloading is quite global then. I would push on, lm sure there’s 100’s of other things you need to do. I wouldn’t be subsiding her tightness and cheeky fuckery

No real advice, but back in the days before Zelle, I was once given a cheque that bounced! I didn't say anything as I felt sorry for the parents, even though I got charged a fee for the bounced cheque.

I'd let it go in this case. Trying to collect money for anything can be a real pain though, one of my friends is a team parent for her son's soccer team and they organize sandwiches and two team dinners during the season. A couple of families just never contributed the requested amount for food...she knows them pretty well and they're not short of cash, they just don't want to pay. But the team can't refuse to give their hungry child a sandwich or exclude them from the dinners! So the team parents pay extra to cover it.

I disagree that you’re being mean to the left out child. It’s the child’s MUM that is making this choice by not sending the money. OP I think you’re doing a nice thing by sorting out this gift for everyone. If this mum doesn’t contribute, SHE is making the choice to exclude her child, not you!

The teacher will understand that if a child's name isn't included it's no reflection whatsoever on the child. They still might feel it's a little 'off' on your part, I guess that's one of the drawbacks of being the one to organise it.

I think you can just message pretty directly either her or the dad and ask if they're in or out as it's time to get the voucher.

Agree. This is the first thing I thought too. Do you really know the full financial circumstances etc?
What if teacher reads out the names in class - how will poor child feel?

I would say, "deadline for teacher's voucher is tonight, if you haven't paid by then I will assume you have sorted something and I'll make sure your child's name isn't on the card." Then she won't know that she's the only one who hasn't paid.

The OP has said that the Mum in question isn’t short of cash when she’s going out socially.

Would be easier if she just said she didn’t want to be included (no need to give a reason of course).

Given she has previous for ducking out of the teacher gift, I’d find it hard to include everyone’s names.

Yes it’s maybe petty, but it seems blatantly obvious that the woman is counting on the OP feeling guilty enough to include her child anyway, and that would wind me up. I’m glad I don’t need to make the decision, OP!

At all the schools that I have been involved with (private and state) donations to the PA fund have always been completely voluntary. The teacher gifts have always been from the whole class. It is nicer for the teachers and kinder to the children that way.

Rooting out the cheeky fuckers is not meant to be part of the role.

Def give a deadline and leave her child off if she doesn’t contribute. Cheeky sod shouldn’t be able to freeload. I don’t believe she doesn’t have a spare £20 !

you never know people’s financial circumstances

Except that if their child is at a private school, and you know how much that costs because yours is there too, then you know they can afford to spend that amount on something that's a luxury not a necessity. Leave off all the 'what if she has poor memory syndrome and can't remember to make the payment' blather. This is someone who thinks they can get away without paying but still wants the credit. Don't make them into the victim here. They're not and it's incredibly naive to think otherwise. Rich people can be stingy too.

200 quid for a teacher is excessive. Is it to show how incredibly rich you all are? I'd be embarrassed to receive that much as a teacher.

In reality OP your going to quietly seeth and not omit her kids name as it’s just not the done thing at a prep school as most mums couldn’t give a flying fuck.

and yeah the other mum’s will judge you for doing it - have you asked them how they would feel if you did that?

She most likely has the watsap group on silent as they are annoying

She's stingy.
Had me run an event for her - said I'd be happy to do it - just get me a bottle of wine as a thanks - and I was happy to do it but - 4 hours of my time plus prep - never did receive that bottle of wine...I'd saved her £200 to pay for the service - she couldn't manage a £10 bottle of Prosecco - no good deed goes unpunished...

Private school or not, £20 is a lot and I wouldn't want to spend that much on a teacher gift. But she should just say that she's doing her own thing / doesn't want to contribute because of xyz.

Yes it is excessive but most times there is a T.A in there too. It becomes an issue when you have multiple kids in the school and office staff are included too.

Yes it's far too much. But if you are all so well off it shouldn't be a problem for the rest of you to make up the difference.

How do you know she is rich?

What about women whose ex husbands pay for the fees and refuse to pay fuck all else?

If £20 is too much for her, she should just say she’s going to sort her own gift, instead of keep fobbing you off and messing you about and making you text her repeatedly. No excuse for that.

There was another thread recently where a mum was asking harassing a work colleague for a donation to her kids holiday overseas volunteering. The OP had ignored several messages 'reminding' her she hadn't donated yet and was getting rather pissed off that she was still being asked when she really didn't want to contribute.

Is it possible your school mum actually doesn't want to give you £20 and just hasn't been direct enough for you to have got the message? In future, I would ask once, remind once (with a firm deadline) and then leave it.

used to adore? until you couldn't open your front door because your house was swamped with "world's best teacher" mugs?