Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

Wow, that's really mean. It's not the kids fault if their parents can't/won't contribute.

Hmm. OP, you're making a lot of it being a private school and everyone (apparently) being well off. 20 quid is a huge contribution (and only later in the thread did you say it was actually between 10 and 20). Giving 200 worth of vouchers is a bit like bestowing largesse. And leaving a child's name off the card because their parent didn't contribute is just horrible. I'm afraid it's all coming across a bit 'price of everything, value of nothing'.

Yabvu- why embarrass the child? You are going to look petty and mean if you leave a name off the card and you don’t know the full extent of her finances either, some people look like they have more then they do

I think of it from the teacher's perspective and from the child whose parents didn't/couldn't contribute. It's much nicer to say merry Christmas from everyone in class 3 or whatever than cause anyone to feel left out. I have organised these too (but only in a state school with no suggested amount).

It's just a nice gesture. Did you want to give the teacher a gift? If yes then it's nicer to be nice. If no then don't bother yourself or get a chocolate orange.

So glad mine are all in secondary now.

for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”

If you’re not putting any money in, you don’t get any say in what is written in the card, do you?

These teacher collections are completely out of hand! In our class of 30 the teacher usually ends up with hundreds of pounds in John Lewis or TK Maxx vouchers. Whatever happened to a hand written thank you card or a drawing with so much more meaning?

Maybe she just doesn’t think she should feel pressurised into giving a gift to the teacher who takes a fair wack of her income already, but doesn’t want to say so?

I'm not understanding how the child, who will not read the teacher's card, will be embarrassed his name is not there.
I doubt the teacher will be making him aware of the content either, and I expect he/she will not treat the child differently come January.

Never single out one child from the card, that’s just mean. Maybe rethink the way you all give teacher gifts if this is no longer working. Sorry but first world problems. Don’t get too worked up.

That is … very clever! Yes to this.

The teachers know the gifts are from the parents really not the children, so I wouldn't have any qualms about leaving the stingy mother's child's name out of the card. I can't believe this woman doesn't have 2 mins to do a bank transfer.

I do wonder if the OP has chased the child's father too though, I would do that as one last attempt before leaving the child's name off the card.

Perhaps OP should ask the school to add the ‘gift’ to schools fees if it so obligatory.

wtf! I'd love to know which private schools these are (so I can move schools and work in one of them!) 😆

But seriously, £200 worth of vouchers from a class of 10 children is insane. Never mind wardrobes full of clothes and holidays!! 😮At the private school where I teach we aren't even allowed to accept a gift with an estimated value of more than £50. I've never heard of anyone been given anything like this. A few of our parents give (what I would say are) very high value gifts like a bottle of champagne or a theatre voucher. But the majority give a box of chocolates, a scented candle etc and quite a large number don't do presents at all.

Lots of private school families are struggling right now. They may (or may not) earn a lot but their outgoings are also high. One of my tutor group told me recently that their parents aren't buying each other Christmas presents this year because they need a new household appliance and can't afford both. The child talks about VAT and money struggles all the time. I would hate their parents to feel pressured into giving £20 for a class gift. Are they on the breadline and deserving of 'tiny violins'? No, of course not. But they certainly don't have spare money lying around either.

There should never be any expectation on any parent to give any teacher any present at all. We get a salary for teaching your children, it's our job. Cards and presents are always lovely to receive, of course they are. And I am grateful for every one. But I don't expect or need them and would be shocked and embarrassed to receive £200 (never mind the fact I'd have to report it to HR and probably not allowed to keep it!)

I have been on the receiving end of a class gift that was pointedly signed from 28 students instead of the class, and while we were very appreciative of the gift and the effort that had been made, it did make us question the organisers motives. Whatever it was, it wasn’t just to do a nice thing to say thank you to the people that educate and cared for their children all day, which is supposed to be the idea.

The teachers must eye roll at all the parent contribution politics. They don't like your kid more because you bought them 200 quids worth of JL vouchers.

I'm certain the teacher would read the messages, but it's a good point about the faff - maybe just ask for messages and stick them in an accompanying card, or tuck them loose into the envelope.

I think most teachers would probably notice the missing name, especially if in a class of 10, although they may not think much about it.

Oh they would think much about it. Which is what the OP wants.

No, the small child would be excluded because their mother is an arse.

But it isn’t the child’s fault that the parent hasn’t contributed. I’d feel like a right tool signing a card from 9 children out of a class of 10. It’s incredibly passive aggressive.

It’s from everyone. It’s just petty otherwise and not fair on the child.. Maybe she thinks it is too much, I think it is way too much…

100% this. ⬆️

Exactly. I did some of these at primary. Put from class. Some didn’t contribute - so what, I wasn’t about to single the children out.

As much as this woman would piss me off, given the picture you've painted, I'd still put the child's name on the card.
It isn't the child's fault and the whole point of the gift is for the teacher to feel appreciated by the children.
She'd probably feel uneasy if she noticed one child had been left out and wonder why they've been forgotten. Which would taint the gift.
I've done work collections for colleagues before and tbh don't notice or care if people don't contribute, I still get everyone to sign the card as it's nice for the person receiving the gift 🤷‍♀️

Our state primary is doing £40 / child. I did think it was quite a bit but didn’t want to be the one complaining when the 30 other families weren’t.

We had a class rep organise one year but I’d already purchased gifts for my dc so had no issues with only the names of those who contributed getting their names on the card. We did a separate card.