Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

Why does she need to give a reason, it is a request not a demand.

OP - I think it is terribly petty and mean that you just put the names of the children who have given. I cannot imagine ever acting like this, but then my kids went to state school soooo.

I wouldn't expect a child's name on the card if the parents haven't contributed. It makes absolutely no difference to how you feel about the child but it gives a good insight into the parents.

What kind of insight to the parents? Do you really think the teacher is goi g to judge a parent who doesn’t give them a £20 tip?

Would be perfectly happy if she days "we are getting our own gift for teacher" - which happened one year. Just fed up that last year and - seemingly this year- it's about dodging the contribution and expecting me to be too polite to say anything.

No financial abuse - not a history of dodging the bill!

Agree with this. I don’t get involved in the teacher’s gift giving for my own reasons that are non financial.
Yabu to hound this women over £20. Surely £280 voucher is plenty for the teacher!! Stop making a drama and leave her alone. Don’t you have something better to do.

Hi op, people are giving you a hard time unfairly. I was always very Very grateful to the person who organised the class whip around. I’m sure 99% of class parents are grateful.

I come from a family of primary school teachers (I am not one). They love the personal cards from children, but the 30 x box chocolates/mugs - not so useful. A gift voucher is way better.

You are leaving out no one’s child as far as the teacher is concerned if you don’t say it’s from whole class. As if a teacher thinks the child made the decision not to gift at age 4! Child can still say something nice (even if parent doeasn’t help with card).

The parents who contribute are saying thanks to someone who is nurturing and caring for their precious little one. Teachers know this is a parent not child thing and they will not judge children on it.

I would expect a teacher to be professional at all times no matter what gift they receive or not.

It does yes. If a group of parents left a small child's name off a class gift because a parent hadn't contributed, it would tell me a lot about those parents.

And it would demonstrate that gift is absolutely not about the recipient.

The contribution is not compulsory is it? She has given you the message loud and clear and you refuse to hear it. Why do you care if she gives a separate gift or not? Just leave it now, you have enough money for a nice voucher.
sounds to me like you are another PTA busy body who thinks school is the centre of everyone’s world.

“it's about dodging the contribution”

She’s not the CF in this scenario

Gawd I’m organising the class gift and was just going to put from the whole class. Am I supposed to only put the names of those who have contributed?
also I’d hate to be told how much to put in!

We do class collections but just put a link to a Viing on the WhatsApp group- people can join in or not and decide on the amount they want to contribute. At the end of the collection a voucher is sent along with a card with those messages. If people want to do their own thing then it’s fine and no need for chasing everyone, just a couple of reminders of the deadline.

There clearly no good will. Possibly justified, but you never know people’s financial circumstances. Personally, I hate these things. Even in a small class of, say, 12 kids, £240 of vouchers is excessive. If you are doing this then asking for contributions that people can afford is much better. And make it clear people are free to do their own thing. Eg give home made jam, which is what I always did as a child and intended to do before I discovered that I was expected to give vouchers.

I’d imagine the messages on the back will mean more than the vouchers.

Our class rep has done exactly this and no one has an issue.

She said that this is the list of kids who are contributing to the teachers gifts and card will be signed by them.

I'm sorry but at a private school a £20 isn't much. You have an entire year to know there's a class contribution. However as it's such a small number of kids I would just go with the special note idea.

Our class is £65 too yes you read that right)

I’d just get the present and sign the card from the families that donated.

Don’t overthink it.

If the mum comes back to you, well it’s a bit late. After 3 messages it’s clear she isn’t going to contribute.

I think with private schools, a set amount is done and normal. One kid is 65 and the other 40.

Then her name doesn't go on the card.

I've been form mum for fee and state schools - you're giving a gift from someone - if they haven't contributed - it isn't from them.

This. Next year I'd put out a message one time We are collecting for the gifts donation must be in by xyz to be included. This lady us a total cf

No because this will impact her child more than her. It's not the child's fault her mum is a freeloader.

I think this is quite nasty in a state school where there will be very varied incomes. We just have a collection - people contribute what they can (or nothing) and the gift goes from the class. Seems much more inclusive rather than naming individual kids.

Yes exactly this. As a teacher I would feel extremely uncomfortable if one child was missing from the card and it would really make me think the organizer is nasty.

BTW if the teacher gets a £180 voucher from a class of ten, they’re absolutely going to know that it was £20 a head and someone said no. That in itself is quite awkward.

No. They could think, "oh it was a contribution chosen by the giver".

Everyone is assuming everyone else is as churlish and mean-spirited as they are.

But the gift isn't from her family