Why does this mum keep doing this?!

[Allthesesayingsidontunderstand]

Mum from school, my dd adores her dd and vice versa. Live very close by, she’s said about three/four times previously for my dd to come to play at their house. She initiates this, very enthusiastically, says the day time loosely, in the past she’d say she’d text, never did, ok, bit annoying, but not too bad, Dd bit disappointed.
They dropped by to our house the other day, kids played for a bit. Mum made invite for later on today at set time, went on and on about it, she told all the girls, got them all excited, she said to text.
I planned my day around it, sent a quick text this morning to check it was still ok at X oclock, she’s seen it-no reply 🤷🏻‍♀️
Told dd now it’s not happening, but maybe another day and we’ve made plans to go to a Christmas village later. Dd very disappointed thos time.
Why do she do this? What is the point, my friends and I only cancel if def need to. The thing I dont get is why be the one to initiate it so enthusiastically each time? She’s not being orompted to, I don’t do that.
She’s extremely outgoing and confident and lives in a beautiful house, so no issues with shyness or worrying about her house etc
I just find the big song and dance about it all a bit weird now with no follow through and I feel saf for dd now,

*My dd adores her dd’s-she’s great friends with both sisters

So many typos…sorry!

Ask her. Next time she instigates say well that’s all very well but are you going to cancel again?

I agree with the pp. If she asks again:

"Sounds great Melissa but you've cancelled the last few times. Are you sure as I don't want to disappoint Jane again."

@Mymanyellow I don’t know if I could say that 😬
The last time it happened, she’d planned it for the school holidays, said she’d text me, she didn’t. When we were back at school she was a bit off..with *Me 🤷🏻‍♀️so strange, she later did a casual apology that they’d been so busy, I really don’t care, but please stop planning it though?

Have you posted about this before?

Well, surely you'd just show up unless you'd heard otherwise? Maybe each time she thinks you're the one being flaky and not showing?

@2024onwardsandup Yes! The last time it happened, was a while ago, wasnt too bad and wondered if maybe I should have text her last time even though she said she would. So this time, I texted, seen and no reply.
I’m just trying to work out why a person would do this? I only ask people if I genuinely want them to come round/meet up, so it doesn’t make sense to me to do it so very enthusiastically and never follow through

@Wistfuller She said send a text before it, I sent a text this morning just to say checking that we’re still on for later? Read and no reply, was 4 hours ago

I would just turn up at her house today at the agreed time, surely? She initiated the plan. I wouldn't count her ghosting as a cancellation, as then it's you who has cancelled by not turning up? What does she eventually text back?

I think I'd just turn up at the prearranged time

Instead of checking it's still on, just text saying "thanks so much for the invite, Maisy is so excited to come round at 4"
Then she actually has to cancel if she's changed her mind and you can let her know that's such a shame I planned my day around it/Maisy is so disappointed.

@Keroppi But she’s seen my message checking this morning and not replied? Surely you’d say yes see you later or say the reason why you can’t, if you can’t

Just be blunt with her the next time she enthusiastically issues an invite, and remind her it never seems to materialise.

Say something like 'I'd rather you didn't say this in front of my DD, as she was disappointed last time and the time before'.

@Allthesesayingsidontunderstand Sure, any normal person would, especially since she specifically asked you to text? But I would still turn up. I would text something like
"Hi, FlakyMum. DD is looking forward to coming over to yours at 3:00 today to play. See you then!"

I think it forces her hand if you turn up or text assuming that it will go ahead. Do you not acknowledge it after? Does she just ghost you until day after? Weird

She felt comfortable enough with you to drop round to your house the other day.

As she's given you a set time & day to call, why don't you just go to her house as arranged?

I know she said to text, but you don't have to wait for her to reply. Just assume you're still invited.

If it was organised that day for later in the day I wouldn’t text - just turn up. I understand why you have been doing that though.

Don’t send questioning texts asking if the play date is still on. Say ‘See you at 3’. Then she can’t leave you on read. She’ll need to text back and you’ll get to the bottom of it.

Is there a wealth/ image difference? Is she a snob?

She sounds like one of those fake women who want everyone to love them, so say all the right things, but don't actually want to associate with people who aren't like them.

Next time she mentions it, ask her to not mention play dates in front of your daughter anymore as she gets upset/disappointed when the plans fall through. Simple.

Text the day before to confirm so there's a great chance of reply. Don't tell DD it's on until it is definitely happening. Invite them to yours if that makes her less flaky.

@AtomHeartMotherOfGod No, she seems v down to earth, it’s just the huge enthusiasm and initiation of it each time

My SIL used to plan things eg sleepovers, days out etc and of course my kids would be so excited and then it would never happen.

So bloody annoying. God knows why people do this. Its almost like they feel they should say these things but have no intention of following it through.

I would explain to your daughter in a child friendly way that her friends mum is flakey and instead have the children come over to your house!

Just turn up - and be prepared with another venue to go with your daughter so she is not disappointed if it is off. Send a text to her "leaving now" before you go, so she has one final time to react before you get there.

Just turn up! Either the party goes ahead - win.

Or she has to justify her behaviour and in this case I would bring up her flakiness.
Almost ban her from inviting your daughter to anymore parties
Tell her she's caring upset and she's not to do it anymore.