How do I become 'hot'?

[DonaldGumbo]

After years of giving 0 thought my appearance, it's finally getting me down a bit.
I'm struggling with bad skin, bad teeth, sagginess, mental hair, terrible clothes and no real motivation.
I also have no money.
Help a girl out.

to achieve what you want to achieve you will have to spend a bit of money. A nice haircut makes all the difference. See it as a Xmas present to yourself. For rosacea, azeliac 15% or 20%. To cover redness with make up, you need green concealer under a foundation or try a cc cream. IT cosmetics cc cream is great for a bit of coverage without being too heavy or too expensive. You can get cream blushers that can be for both cheeks and lips. You can use a bit of eyeshadow under eyes instead of eyeliner and a bit of mascara. You only need a few products and they shouldn’t cost a lot. Concentrate on one or 2 things like your hair or makeup at first so it doesn’t seem overwhelming. You’ll start to feel better and can then work on different things.

Have a look at some YouTube clips on really good hair cuts, really knocks the years off, it made up my mind to get a new hairdresser, sporting a new shorter bob 😊

If you haven't much money then as others have said lots of water and free exercise walking/running/yoga with Adrienne on Youtube.

Boots do good deals on body care/face cream/make/hair care up on £10 Tuesday. Ask people for vouchers at Christmas and use cashback sites like Quidco to maximise your spend and perhaps get discounts.

If you don't have lots of money for clothes then get a basic capsule wardrobe going, choose a base colour black/navy/grey then build around that. Primark do pretty undies quite cheap and Sainsbury's TU range and sometimes knowing you have something super feminine on underneath can be a real boost.

Look after small details yourself, you can do a mani/pedi at home for example. A neutral pink on the hands looks elegant and wears better than bright colours. You can go a bit more colourful on your feet, like a classic red.

Buy interdental brushes and USE them as teeth are one issue but if your gums aren't good, it can make teeth worse - your dentist can advise on sizes.

There are nice free meditation videos on youtube to help with confidence and also tons of advice from women on looking elegant etc on a budget. Dress for your body shape too to make the most of your good bits and we all have them - boobs, shoulders, legs etc to draw attention to them. There is a woman called Anna Bey who basically hauled herself up by her bootstraps and has developed a refined look and coaches on elegant outfits, manners etc but there are lots of them online.

Definitely save up (or ask for money at Christmas) for a good hair cut and consultation as that will make a big difference. You don't have to dye your hair in a salon. You can buy good at home hair colour (semi-permanent is good to try out for a sheen of colour) now that is multi-tonal as long as you stay within two shades of your own colour - Superdrug often do good offers and their own range hair colours are nice.

You could pop into a nice department store and go to a posh makeup counter, pretend you are interested in their products and get them to help you look at make up colours/techniques that suit you. make a note then find drugstore dupes (lots of websites about this) to buy so you can recreate the looks. You can also grab some samples as well!

Realistically, you're not going to become "hot" - whatever that means to you. You could become a lot healthier - but you have loads of excuses why this, that, and the other suggested is not possible.

The simplest changes have already been posted - drink more water, eat less sugar, go for a brief walk each day. Just those three will improve health and looks. Getting the frizz trimmed off your hair might give you a boost.

The "hot" lady you saw's life and income is very different to yours. No changing that.

@thesilvermoon I wouldn't say they're excuses. I work full time, have two kids, no partner or husband and I'm skint trying to pay a mortgage, bills and childcare. If you can explain a way to manage all this and find hours to spend in the gym, be my guest.

Follow the Trinny Tribe on Facebook ... fabulous group of women who really boost each other up, fun styling tips and make up tips

I haven't suggested finding "hours in the gym", or even joining a gym. I suggested a brief daily walk. But that kind of hyperbolic defensive response is typical of what I view as you making excuses.

It's your choice, if you don't want to make any effort to be more healthy. As I already said, I would forget about being "hot". Accept yourself as you are. But a tiny daily effort - brief walk, more water, less sugar - would benefit your future health, and lift your spirits.

Some inexpensive suggestions to make you feel amazing:
Another vote for a walk each day - as everyone says it does you the world of good in so many ways!
See your doctor about your skin
Visit a beauty counter for some make up advice - No7 are good for me
Get a pair of exfoliating mitts and have a good rub down before a shower - gets rid of dead skin and makes you feel glowy
Be a model for a good hairdressing salon - a cheap haircut and it never went wrong for me
Pell off nail 'varnish' like Lily and Fox, plus a daily good hand cream good hands (and feet) make me feel awesome!
Get your brows threaded - Super drug are cheap, you can often just walk too. Never underestimate the power of a pair of good eyebrows!!

Best of luck. You're going to be awesome!

I think this is true. I have a dear friend who towers over many men, is overweight, extremely clumsy, does nothing to make herself conventionally “hot” but firmly believes “I am sexy because I like having sex”. This seems to give the right vibe - she engages with whoever she is talking to, makes them laugh and feel better about themselves and always has several admirers.

Don’t run your hair down - you are so fortunate not to be faffing about with root issues and constant maintenance.

Ignore the slightly grumpy pp, op. They're more like full moon, than silver moon 🤨

You can do this!

I mean this kindly but you said rice, veg and protein every night is not exactly nutritious - however, it literally is.

You say you eat a sandwich plus this. You are not overweight by only a sandwich plus what is a very healthy dinner each evening.

You also keep saying you have absolutely no time - which again kindly just isn’t possible. You could do a handful of squats, for example, while the kids watch tv.

But I also think you need to be more honest with yourself. If you were genuinely constantly on the go from 6am to 10pm and eating only as above, you wouldn’t be overweight, you’d be underweight if anything.

It’s more likely that you’re overwhelmed and exhausted, can’t see the wood for the trees and can’t see a way to make any changes - which is totally understandable. If you posted exactly what your day looks like, both in terms of what you do by the hour and also what you actually consume, you’d get much more helpful and tailored advice.

Best one I find to cover is Dr jart range, colour correction- I too have rosey cheeks & thread veins. So this cream sort of changes to your skin tone, I find I don’t need to wear foundation anymore, if it’s bad, just use a little concealer & light powder/matt bronzer.

My DH has rosacea so he saw a dermatologist who prescribed Nizoral shampoo let the bubbles fall on your face and canesten HC cream . He has also used Rosalie with some benefit but finds it best to vary the treatment . I also have curly hair and find it best to go with the curl even if its not your favourite style and get curly girl products and scrunch . Teeth are so important get some whitening strips and see the dentist ! Good luck on your mission !

How can you get more time in your week OP? You're at risk of burnout. Your health is not optional. I'm assuming dad of kids not on the scene?

Get a relative to take DC for a bit?

Childcare swap with a friend?

Sign them up to more cheap after school clubs?

Reduce your work hours temporarily, only by eg 2 hours per week to give you a bit more breathing space?

Look into support groups and respite care?

Cut down on kids' expensive activities?

In terms of exercise, check out HIIT videos on YouTube. Some of them are only 15-20 mins long and doing them 3-4 times a week will make a difference.

Is your hair long? Go to curly hair specialist and treat yourself to a really good cut. Just one a year will see you right. You can always trim in the meantime.

If you'd like to wear makeup, would rosacea cause problems? I have mild rosacea and can use Clinique City Block 25, which has mineral sunscreen. It calms my rosacea. I can't wear the stronger versions (like 40 or 50). It doesn't look like I'm wearing makeup at all, but it evens out the skin. My mother had bad rosacea, but she was able to wear a little bit of light foundation. Some people can't wear anything at all, but a little bit of powder might work.

Lipstick and makeup don't have to look obvious at all, but you can change your appearance if that's what you want.

I think a lot of us would like to lose weight, but being Size 16 won't stop you looking gorgeous.

I was the same after cancer treatment and an enforced menopause! I paid a little bit to get a colour analysis from Style Me Happy who also tells you your body shape and what suits. I got some new clothes off vinted and I walk every day now. Things definitely feel better! Good luck

This bra is magic and so so comfortable. Looks beautiful. And puts them where they need to be. I've got basically one in every colour!
any colour you feel great in....

https://amzn.eu/d/8nqlB2C

I'm a big fan of the max factor infinity powder, on its own gives quite good coverage.

Lots of water which is free.

I love curly hair so I'd just love that with a cheap v-neck jersey dress (and the bra) and see how you feel :)

.I'm size 16 and it possible to look and feel great, start with a shape and colour that you love and go from there!

What the heck are you doing then?!

Start by looking at your schedule and see if you can improve your time management.

Absolutely! I’m 43 and not writing myself off!

🙄Lord. This reads like a prescription for how to become a 50s Stepford wife with no personality whatsoever... And don't forget to practise that curtsey, ladies. 🙄

And I am SICK of the anti-frizz message everywhere. Frizz adds personality and texture. I also feel there's an implicit racism to this messaging, because black/Afro-Caribbean hair is frizzy by nature. It's just another way that white beauty standards are pushed on all of us everywhere.

Also, there are LOADS of hot women in their 30s and older. Many women are hottest in their 30s.

Sadly McSilkson, the Op doesn’t care what YOU personally think is hot. She wants to look hot in a way that might appeal to men. You won’t like it, but generally speaking, this is what I described. Nobody said it was a good thing or bad - no value judgment attached - it’s just what apparently works.

Hmmm, well, I'm a mid-30s woman that plenty of men seem to think is "hot", judging by how they respond to me: staring at me, hitting on me, frequent compliments and catcalls of various kinds, looking me up and down, sometimes acting shy/blushing. And I don't adhere to most of the tips in your list, except for moisturising and having a style that could be described as "feminine" overall (but with numerous baggy pieces in the mix).

But what do I know...

Cleaning up your diet will help your body and your roseaca, identify your trigger foods and avoid them. Get a green based CC cream.

Embrace your hairs texture and find products that work for you, if you are frizzy you are probably curly. I wear my hair in braids when it is damp and let it dry overnight for a really nice look free of charge.

Water, sleep and exercise are all free and the best things you can do to improve how you look and feel.

Have a massive sort out of your wardrobe and only keep things that make you look and feel good.

I really love the Body Shop Rose face mask, which only takes 5 mins, smells and feels amazing. Not sure what you can use with your rosecea though.
Avon do some nice cheap fragrances.
Your hair sounds lovely - maybe just a product to calm it down a little if you think it's too frizzy?
I always think that we notice the bad things about how we look much more than others do. X

Congratulations- you definitely sound “hot”

I’m not sure how that helps the op