How do I become 'hot'?

[DonaldGumbo]

After years of giving 0 thought my appearance, it's finally getting me down a bit.
I'm struggling with bad skin, bad teeth, sagginess, mental hair, terrible clothes and no real motivation.
I also have no money.
Help a girl out.

@OpheliaWasntMad

I think it helps the OP by supporting the poster's previous argument that you don't have to look like something out of a 1950s commercial in order to look hot.... which was challenged by pippls97 on the grounds that Mcsilkson would know nothing about it unless she was a heterosexual man....

I'm with @McSilkson & some bloke that posted upthread.

It matters n'owt really what you actually look like.

It matters what you think you look like.

Confidence is sexy. Confidence is hot.

Frizzy hair and big noses and wonky teeth are extremely sexy in the right hands.

How do you become hot?

You fucking love yourself. That's how.

You move with confidence and you laugh about life. That's hot.

So fuck the physical makeover, the mental makeover is where the ability to connect with your joy, and therefore your sexy, lies.

Nothing sexier than a bit of self love.

Vinted. Elf make up. Haircut by trainees. Lots of walks. Workouts in front of TV, I recommend Fitness Blender. Good luck!

I'm a 50's woman who gets plenty of comments from men and women, I'm absolutely not interested in interest from men in the street, I've been married for a long time. I get a lot of love from all corners, women, gay men, straight blokes.

I've always thought I'm fucking brilliant.

I'm not unattractive, I'm tall and thin & very natural looking. Not conventional though, natural mad hair, big nose, women that don't like me say I look like a bloke (I don't, go fuck yourself). I wear quite masculine clothes, I move with confidence, I stride through life.

I Like Myself. I look in the mirror and think 'Ohh, you!'

I do get a lot from younger women who say 'I want to be you when I grow up'.

It's confidence.

@McSilkson I do agree with you. I have no intention of putting a soft pink colour on my nails or doing anything to my natural eyebrows. A wrap dress would make me look more Hattie Jacques compared to my usual Helena Bonham Carter style.
But there have been some, many very very good suggestions which I have been embracing, I've been drinking the water, reducing the wine, moisturising, using a hair mask, ordering some cream from pharmacy direct to help the skin and I'm going to book a hair appointment.
Just to add, white frizz is different to Black hair. My hair is frizzy because I used to dye it loads with peroxide to make my black hair turn pink/ purple or green. There's a difference. It's not well conditioned or well maintained. My dad has jet black, straight Arabic hair, so mine is definitely through lifestyle.

Olaplex for hair. It's expensive but I only wash my hair twice a week now. I think it's brilliant, transformed my hair and I have always previously had rubbish hair.

I am struggling with the 'think you're hot and men will too' posse. That's just not my experience. I am confident, I know I'm good at my job, and funny and loyal. I project this into the world, but it doesn't exactly translate to heterosexual men lol.
My friend on the other hand is a little ball full of insecurity and lack of confidence. She is gorgeous and kind. Men fall over themselves to risk everything for her. She's tall, slim, long swishy hair and a bit sort of naive and delicate and they can't get enough.
So the problem is that some men do not respond well to a strong woman. And I'm never going to change that, because the men that are intimidated by that are dick heads. However the nice, normal men aren't exactly forming an orderly queue either. So it must be something about looks, not just projecting 'hotness'. Also easier to project hotness when you are a 10!

A note @DonaldGumbo surely any overprocessing due to mad dye has grown out now?

I have very textured white hair, it's big!

I use briogio masks. Oil, and let dry naturally. No heat.

I'd be careful with protein treatments, they can dry hair if overused.

Once a month, no more.

Aha! Not the right men though!

Yeah, I get what you say a bit.

And I know the world has changed since I was a young 'un.

Vulnerable women don't attract good men. Fact.

Never ever go near a charming man. Ugh.

I'm a man-repeller if anything.

But, but! The ones I do attract are the ones that might be ok.

Most men are tedious. So! Rather than think about who you're attractive to, think about who's attractive to you.

OP I'm a lone parent of DD15 and have been since she was 1.

I have a very heavy job too so my life is nuts.

So, time wise I hear you. I am 53 (and definitely still hot )

Here are my tips:
No caffeine after 10am water only. This makes a massive difference and make sure you always hydrated.

Controversial one: ditch the frizzy hair, invest in a hot brush so you can quickly straighten it. I have really curly hair and it just doesn't look professional. I let it go curly on holidays only. Sleek hair just looks more groomed and only takes me 10 mins a week to blow dry.

Ditch the sugar and carbs. When you are cooking for the DC just have a larger portion of veg with whatever protein. (Basically eat keto)

Skin, see the Dr. Also look at Medik 8 they have a good rosacea routine.

My whole makeup routine takes less than 5 mins. BFF from Trinny, with two of her pots, one blusher and one eyeshadow (they come in easy to use pots which you just use your fingers for) then mascara.

Yeah.

Fuck that noise.

I like caffeine after 10

And frizzy hair.

But more power to your elbow for the rest @jeaux90.

Aah - apologies. I think I missed the full context .
Agreed - no one needs to conform to particular criteria- there are a million ways of looking hot.
Apologies @McSilkson

I think the size 10 thing is an “ideal” the fashion world ( and women themselves) create .

I don’t think men necessarily prefer slim women.

Dress to show off your best assets. Lots of men ( and women) like a more curvy shape

Having said that - a bit of exercise and good nutrition is always good. Whatever your size or shape a healthy look is always attractive

I think it’s really hard for you at the moment because you have young children and it sounds like you are giving every ounce of your time and energy keeping things going. I was in that position too. It’s hard. Things will get better. But you deserve to feel good about yourself so I hope you are able to follow the advice on here.

Of the Ops particular situation quite possibly not much. She doesn’t appear to have your nature advantages.

Go and see your GP about the rosacea. I suffered with that as well. It would appear like an acne on my face. I went to see the doctor and they prescribed me an antibiotic gel that I could use. It cleared it up brilliantly. It was called Rozex and even now when I get a breakout, I put a bit of that on for a few days and it clears it up again. It was a game changer for me because at the time I was getting ready to get married and I wanted clear skin for my wedding.

You’re kidding, right?! 😂

No.

Why would that be a joke?

Don’t be put off by feeling past it in 30s, I got the best body I ever had in mid 30s, by doing weight training and HIIT. (And maintained sort of into 40s but busy life of kids haven’t helped). You don’t have to join a gym or walk, you can do little things like try to do as many jump squats or press ups as you can whilst kettle boils etc or do a wall squat whilst brushing teeth. I like the home work outs on FIIT app; it’s free for group classes.

re makeup, go somewhere like Clinique counter in JL, for a makeup appointment. they do some great BB/CC creams for light coverage and a tinted lip balm. Some great products are cheap eg Hyaluronic acid by the ordinary. Eucerin and La Roche posay are good skincare brands for problem skin that are dermatologist approved.

re comfy clothes: I live in sweaty Betty leggings, which are comfy yet stylish - you don’t need to be going to the gym, but it makes doing anything active more easy on spur of moment too. Probably loads on Vinted but their outlet has them 1/2 price. I love the power leggings. They hold you in and give legs great shape too.

have a look for hair products and maybe get a new hairdryer. I am currently searching for a discounted or second hand Dyson hairdryer. But tbh most days hair is tied up as I’m too busy, but winter is here so get a nice beanie hat 😆

Not sure why my post was deleted?

@OpheliaWasntMad I know, that was so weird x