How do I become 'hot'?

[DonaldGumbo]

After years of giving 0 thought my appearance, it's finally getting me down a bit.
I'm struggling with bad skin, bad teeth, sagginess, mental hair, terrible clothes and no real motivation.
I also have no money.
Help a girl out.

Absolute rubbish! Hotness has nothing to do with youth

I'm hot because I say I'm hot to myself.
A lot.
Focus on something you love about yourself and run with it like it's the most precious thing in the world.
Know what you've got and forget the rest.
We're all so easily fooled into believing we're our wobbly bits or our thin lips, but actually we're our beautiful hair/ our individual sense of style/ amazing skin or whatever applies.

I disagree. It has a lot to do with it. Many slightly above average looking young women are “hot” just because of the glow of youth.

Older women ( over 40 I’d say) who are “hot” are usually the ones who have great bone structure, and that’s genetic. Being slim also helps a lot, and having a flattish stomach - and again, that is harder for older women, particularly the ones with DC, and when the menopause hormones kick in then fat gathers more around the middle. It involves time working out, whereas much younger women don’t necessarily need to do that.

Exercise is the answer. Something that really gets the sweat up.

It's not just that you get a post-exercise glow (though this is annoyingly true) or that your body transforms overnight (though you will certainly get more toned depending on what exercise you do). You just feel better in your body and in shows in the way you move around, carry yourself. You feel like you're stronger and fitter, and your body is capable. You're more aware of your body in day-to-day life and it's a positive awareness.

And I’m pretty sure @TriangleLight that OP means objectively “hot”, not “I’m not because I love and accept myself” type of hot, and there is definitely a difference!

I’ll vote again for walking outdoors. DH and I go for 3 miles every morning. We leave at silly o’clock and take a torch in the winter, but we do it. It sets you up for the day, makes you feel good and keeps the pounds off.

Give up bread. I swear this will have the biggest impact.
It will make you make more healthy choices for meals.
Take soup in a flask, salad in Tupperware and fruit and nuts for snacks.
Take floradix and vitamin d.
Get a mini stepper with arm things and do 15 mins a day on it.
Go for long walks or swimming on your days off.

For your hair - get a good leave in conditioner

This will all make a huge difference

It also matters if it is men you want to appear "hot" to or women. It's mostly about attitude with men and about looks with women. So while you're layering on creams and makeup and spending money on personal shoppers, also work on standing tall, being confident, and having fun.

So many good suggestions and i really am reading and making notes! I have bought the cream suggested, am drinking water and will consider cutting down wine (although it gets me through sometimes).
I don't mean to sound dismissive of exercise but I have to be realistic. If I wake up at 6 I generally log on to try to catch up on my work which I missed by doing school pick up or taking dc to swimming.
But I'm vaguely interested in dating. And I don't think anyone will notice me in 'that way' in my current Hagrid phase. I'm not joking about that, someone genuinely saw a picture of Hagrid in my kids room and thought it was me
So there's a lot to do and I have to get over thinking it's all silly and frivolous and expensive.

@Patterncarmen that's lovely and I like walking but I'm not sure who would be watching my children when I walked 3 miles.

Second the PPs who say it's a confidence thing. I have a quote that I read somewhere once pinned to the mirror in my dressing room that says "the secret to being a hot girl is literally just deciding that you are one".

Okay maybe it won't be that instant if you haven't thought about your looks for a while and feel like you've had other priorities, but certainly you can start today by at least stop using such negative language to talk about yourself.

OP I know you didn't ask about exercise but it's come up a bit. I was also a single parent with a FT job for a long time.
I got a bit of exercise in with this, this YouTube channel. It's all free and they do plenty of 15 min no equipment workouts (beginner level). I know some people will scoff at this but it made a difference to me health wise and whilst not making me skinny made me feel better in myself and a bit more toned etc. I tried to do 15 mins most days either first or last thing.

I now have older teens and am mid 40s and it's much easier now so try not to feel like it can only go downhill as you age. Lone parent with a full time job is relentless and you're doing amazing to hold it together, own a house etc.

OP you say "Even when I'm shaving my legs I have multiple interruptions or feel like it's ten minutes I could be spending working/ doing house work/ reading with my children/ studying. Same with money, if I spent £40 on a hair cut I would feel guilty".
This reminded me of something that I had to learn:
The better you are the better your family will be.
Which means that to do what you wish to achieve with your family you must be confidant and project pride. The more you have in yourself the better life will be for you all.
The money you spend on a decent cut and styling, buying properly fitting clothes and spending time to exercise are investments in your family, to help you all prosper in all ways.

I don't mean to sound dismissive of exercise but I have to be realistic. If I wake up at 6 I generally log on to try to catch up on my work which I missed by doing school pick up or taking dc to swimming.

The thing with exercise is that quick, tiny amounts are still good, and better than no exercise at all. If you don't have time to walk 3 miles that's OK, walk one. If your only spare time is a 15-minute break that's OK, plenty of quick home workouts on YouTube or just do 10 press-ups and 10 sit-ups (or whatever number you can do).

Agree with @gannett

A small amount of exercise per day can make a massive difference.

I try and do 100 bicycle crunches per day (something you can do at home).

I think it really helps mentally as well as physically (perhaps it's the gut brain connection)

Sorry forgot the link!

https://teambodyproject.com/

Makeup thoughts:

I second the advice to try tinted moisturiser (Boots no7 City Lights is nice)

And tinted lip balm (Vaseline rose tint in the pink tin is my favourite.)

And also a good mascara (I'm exclusively waterproof these days - post meno my eyes are watery 😔). If you are cool hair tones (blonde, grey, black, dark brown) go for black, if warm tones (chestnut, strawberry blonde, red etc) go for brown.

For concealer, I really like Fit Me by Maybelline.

For brows - Maybelline Build a Brow has gel, spoolie brush and colour felt pen for filling in sparse bits.

Once you're used to putting things on your face, add:

Lipstick close to your own lip colour (I like Max Factor in Firefly), avoiding glitter, shimmer, gloss and matte. Go for a satiny velvety moisturising finish. Smudge a little on your fingertips and pat high on cheekbones for healthy glow.

A soft smudgy eye pencil that highlights your own eye colour. Avoid black - too harsh. Grey and brown shades work well.

Once you're used to colour, add more for evenings, parties, dates (if appropriate!):

A more impactful version of your neutral lip colour (I like No7 Sugar Plum).

A neutral toned eye palette with a range of colours including flesh tones, smoky and highlight shades.

Angie Hot and Flashy does brilliant makeup tutorials on you tube, worth a watch.

The reality is a lot of people believe you are still young at 39 but as soon as I hit 40 I will be in the older woman phase. It's been mentioned on here already. Some do think that as soon as you hit 40, everything changes.
I've never been pretty, my nose has seen to that. But I have seen the bodily changes as well and with 2 chronic illnesses gained throughout my thirties, it's been difficult. I feel at my worse now and I look after my skin, teeth, my hair (As much as I can anyway with it being so thin and flyaway ) and yet I am still a very ugly woman.

You need to work on your self esteem first @DonaldGumbo.

Confidence is hot.

Your hair is black and curly but you call it frizzy and oil-coloured.

Great suggestions on here but they won’t help if your not kinder to yourself x

I find tinted moisturiser hard to match as my skin is partially red and blotchy and the rest sallow. I have olive skin but my facial skin is quite pale.

I like this ones it's adjusts to your skin tone. It is quite 'barely there's but definitely helps x
https://www.superdrug.com/make-up/face/foundation/liquid-foundation/revolution-pro-cc-perfecting-foundation-f13/p/793305

I've recently had hair extensions and I said to my husband it's shocking how many (men) look at me again, all because I've got long blonde hair!

This is an awful way to talk about yourself. I love women with strong noses - I think they’re often striking and regal looking.

Besides, everyone has something they’re unhappy with - high forehead, chubby cheeks, wonky lips (and that’s just me)! The trick is just to make the best of what you’ve got.

If it's hot to yourself... then confidence is the key.

If it's hot to men, then ask men.

So sad to read how this society has women thinking of themselves in this way.

Your nose is beautiful because you can breathe through it.

The only very ugly people I’ve met are those who have a nasty character which some how shows on their face.

I bet you’re lovely ❤️