How do I become 'hot'?

[DonaldGumbo]

After years of giving 0 thought my appearance, it's finally getting me down a bit.
I'm struggling with bad skin, bad teeth, sagginess, mental hair, terrible clothes and no real motivation.
I also have no money.
Help a girl out.

Sorry but a well dressed, self confident person who smiles a lot, takes an interest in other people is much more attractive than even the best looking miserable self absorbed person. Especially as they get older.

Most single men over 35, apart from the complete pricks, have realised that
A) they aren't all that themselves
B) all that glitters isn't gold...so many attractive women are shallow and self obsessed
C) that relationships are not built on looks but wanting to spend time with that person, that you have things in common, find the same things funny etc

For a year I took a picture of myself every day and said nice things. I also focused on other bits of self love. Now I’m also trying to get back to hot without time or a budget.

Hair- choose straight or curly. For straight, get a drying brush thing. For curly follow CGM. If you can get a haircut it will make another difference.
I have dark hair too and I started dying my hair a few years ago. But what I do is buy a semi permanent like manic panic and donit about once a month. I usually choose pink and since my hair is almost black, no one looks at me and thinks I have pink hair. They just think it looks “better” and the greys blend in.

Skin - not much I can advise for rosacea, I don’t know much about it. But I get a lot of my products from the ordinary.

Makeup- I don’t do it daily, maybe 4 days a week, a light foundation or tinted moisturizer. Try matching your arm or neck since your face is more flushed. Simple neutral eyes. A lipstick close to your natural colour and this surprised me, but now I’m older I NEED blush and sometimes bronzer. Look into the w application for blush. Maybe your family will think you’re losing it, maybe they won’t. The lipstick will make you look polished. You can always say it’s to see if you’re treated differently at work.

clothes- make them fit. Like PP said, a good bra and undies.
nice boots and fashion trainers (not necessarily the most practical).
If you want to be hot to men, a snug dress that makes you feel amazing.
being hot to women? Wide leg jeans/trousers and a nice top. I do leggings and sweats at home to save my “good” clothes.

Add in some exercise that improves posture and confidence: calisthentics, Hiit (chloe ting) yoga with adrienne, kettlebells. Something that takes 10 min. Your walking is great and no one cares if you are size 16.

Self talk is really the biggest piece. Challenge yourself to pretend to be hot or confident for a few minutes. Watch how someone you admire stands and acts - when they aren’t around try standing like that when you order a coffee or do the groceries. Same with parenting. Pretend to be the confident mum whose kids wipe their noses and who speaks in a gentle voice.

Hi. I have curly hair that tends to frizz too. I use Pantene pro conditioner, it's not expensive. After washing, rinsing, conditioning, rinsing, I towel dry my hair then put a little conditioner (about the size of an almond) in my palm and finger comb through my hair, and scrunch. It controls the frizz and keeps the curls tidy. Sometimes you need to run your fingers through your hair once when it dries, to loosen the curls.
That's my first ever Mumsnet post !!

For your hair try Only Curls (online only) or Aveda Be Curly. I use Aveda Be Curly Curl Enhancer on my hair and I use Little Curls Leave In Styler by Only Curls on my two girls (also tried it on my own hair and works fine). Both excellent products. But Only Curls much more affordable.

Why don't you set aside January to do a huge overhaul. Spend time reviewing your wardrobe. Sell things you don't want and spend some time window shopping or looking at fresh ideas on-line. Pamper yourself. Buy some teeth whitening strips and face masks and have evenings looking after yourself. Do some research around local hairdressers, get some advice and book a haircut - maybe something really different? You don't need to spend much to look after yourself and it sounds like you are ready for it!!

Thanks for being kind but I am a realist and I know I am very ugly physically and as I said, I do all the 'right' things but unfortunately that doesn't change my features.

You can absolutely be hot in your 30s and way beyond as a woman. Crazy to think that this is just the domain of the very young…

Elf halo Glow is great. Suits everyone

Totally agree. I was watching Dawn French from 11years ago this morning when she sang fairytale of New York with Gary Barlow Tulisa and Nicole Scherzinger. She was probably at the largest she ever was and she looked far better, sexier and yes hotter than the other two. It's an inner confidence you can have at any time of life.

agree, going grey at nearly 40 said like it's a big thing. I was finding them at 18!

Attractive women are not mostly self obsessed and shallow. Attractiveness is subjective, but it’s absolutely possible to be conventionally good looking and intelligent.

i would suggest a decent haircut and exercise, sadly. I

know you’ve said the expensive haircuts are out of reach for you but lots of salons do big discounts in exchange for hair modelling for student stylists.

Can you walk to and from work or with the kids?

For rosacea, have you tried sulfur soap? It’s apparently an easy fix for some people.

Love this.

I must try to stop thinking of myself as 'used to be ok but a bit past it these days'.

Where did the miserable self-absorbed bit come from?! And why are “so many attractive women shallow and self-obsessed”? This doesn’t make any sense and it doesn’t link to youth and beauty.

Jennifer Lopez at 55. Of course most of us are do not look like Jennifer Lopez and never did, but it helps me to feel that age by itself is not an insuperable problem.

Not RTFT but see you are time poor for exercise and diet. I’d suggest buying some resistance bands (ones with clip on handles - around £20). Use them 2 x per week for 30/45 mins.. They come with an exercise chart but easy to find suggestions online. Build some muscle which will change your body shape. You mention grabbing food on the go. Could you cook more weekend meals so you have potions to take to work? Hard boil some eggs to keep in fridge to take as snacks.

For rosacea I swear by Rosalique 3 in 1 anti-redness formula. It really tones down redness, and I feel so much more confident wearing it, knowing I won’t end up tomato-red. It’s been a game-changer.

Fair enough. Do you have a half hour a day you could take a walk without watching the kids? It would give you a breather, you’d get out in the fresh air, and I can guarantee you’d have more energy and feel better.

Tone your bum. Do 5-10 minutes of squats, lunges, clam shells and bridge every day.

Hard boil some eggs to keep in fridge to take as snacks.

This is a good idea for busy Mums but I HATE peeling them.

You are unique, special and important. Treat yourself as such. Take time out for you. Home spa, epsom salts, candle peaceful music. Wash and condition your hair. DIY manicure, clear nail polish - great because it doesn’t notice when it chips.
Exercise regularly- you do not need an expensive gym membership, instead start by walking regularly. Join a meetup ramblers group. Then, start running/walking to build up to 5km park run. Learn to not need external validation but to be good in your skin.
Choose a wardrobe that mixes and matches… do not compare yourself to others just be the magical you and smile often that is more than enough xox.

I have diagnosed rosacea. There are different forms of it.
Laser treatment has been brilliant but it's expensive.

So...
Use a high SPF (50) all year round, doesn't need to cost a bomb
Ask your GP about Soolantra

Is your hair curly frizzy? If so, look up the curly girl method as it will improve the hair condition and hopefully reduce frizz. There are groups on FB that give lots of tips on cheap products that are curly girl friendly.

Please don’t feel bad about yourself! You are analysing yourself in a very negative manner. It really isn’t all about what you look like - there are many more positives in the kind of person you are and how you relate to other people. Please try to see the positives in yourself 😊

Well dying/cutting/styling your hair is an easy step anyone can take as long as you have hair so a very easy start. Pick something 'easy' that doesn't require lots of daily styling if you struggle with motivation. Even a trim to tame split ends or just some layers can make a big difference.

Same with changing your wardrobe, get on vinted or charity shops. It might be good to go try clothes on in store to see what styles suit you especially if your shape or weight has changed over the years but you don't have to pay shop prices if you are broke. Find what suits then bargain hunt.

Bad skin, teeth or sagginess is much harder to combat depending on causes. There are things like whitening strips or purple toothpastes for discolored teeth, tonnes of skin care stuff and you can always try different bras and creams but its all so personal really that its hard to suggest anything.