How do I become 'hot'?

[DonaldGumbo]

After years of giving 0 thought my appearance, it's finally getting me down a bit.
I'm struggling with bad skin, bad teeth, sagginess, mental hair, terrible clothes and no real motivation.
I also have no money.
Help a girl out.

Brilliant advice

Well why don't you start using some light make up now??
It's amazing how it can boost your confidence

Skin: if you have rosacea ask your GP for Lymecycline, cost of prescription only (you can’t take it if you’re breastfeeding though). Teeth: billion dollar smile teeth whitening strips from Superdrug. Saggniess: Skims, cheap off eBay sometimes. Hair: get a hair oil like rosemary and mint (pure oil, don’t be seduced by fancy aromatised cosmetic masks and stuff - just oil. Coconut, camphor, rosemary, all good. Leave on for a Couple of hours before washing a couple of times a week. And don’t brush your hair if it’s frizzy - use your fingers once it’s dry to detangle it, brush just the ends if you have to. Clothes: sometimes there are local swap groups on fb, or free to collector giving groups.

Vaguely interested in dateing is your foot through the door. You have identified your reason why you want to make the best with what you have, keep that thought because when it all feels like too much, that will keeping you trying

And as long as you are trying, you arent giving up

It is hard carving you time. Today I had to cancel at very last minute an afternoon out booked in the summer and most looking forward to , because my morning went shite and trying to get the bare minimum in was as good as it got . So when I finally got to sit down today at 2pm to eat , being up from 5, I took a nap because I was exhausted because the past two weeks Ive been against the wall and trying to fit everything in. Some days, just getting through the day and perhaps keeping up the skin care routine is as good as its going to get and thats enough

The biggest change I have made, one that I dont scrimp on, no matter how exhausted I am , which is just so basic when you think on it, I do not go into town wearing dog walking or work clothes. I put on clothes that fit and flatter . No make up, hair a mess, but my clothes make me look polished which makes me feel good . Where I work we have a long line of mums coming in in their night clothes , its so not a good look. Sure I wear my leggings and walking shoes a lot, but I will slip into a pair of jeans and pair of boots that are clean and fit , to pop out , I feel less of a bag lady :)

Something that has helped me is building in daily habits, habits that are good for me. But building them in slowly.

So perhaps start with early nights every night, keep doing that, then the next week start having a probiotic daily.

Then perhaps the next week start a short daily exercise habit.

But don't start with everything. In a year, then you'll feel like a much healthier, positive version of you. I wish you luck 🙏 🤞

Hate this ageist attitude. 40 is nothing. It's also telling the rest of us we're past it and ugly. No we're not. I'm sorry if you feel rough though health wise.

This. It's so defeatist. I'm not gorgeous either but I'm not writing myself off at 40. And do what? I could have over 30 years left so I can't just write myself off.

Anyway for my advice. Hot is subjective to me. To feel better walk everywhere you can every day, the best exercise you can do. Try to eat as much fruit and veg as you can especially your greens, boring but makes you glow, water, sleep, learn destress techniques. Work on the essentials of anything that gets you down like work stress, relationship stress. These are the things that make me walk taller and feel better about myself. Good luck op.

If it about looking ‘hot’ to achieve some allure then my advice after watching many, many makeover programs would:

1. Dress in a feminine way. Dresses, skirts, legs, heels, waist cinched in, boobs and hips not hidden by baggy fabric. So no to baggy jeans and sweatshirts essentially.
2. Colour any grey in hair, condition well and style - either curlers or straighten. Avoid frizzy and don’t just pull back out of the way.
3. Subtle makeup well applied. Pink or reddish lips, mascara and possibly few individual fake eyelashes. Find tutorials on TikTok or YouTube
4. Pretty feminine jewellery not too chunky and again subtle is better. Either all gold toned or all silver. One or the other.
5. Varnish nails. Pink is best.
6. Cleanse, exfoliate and moisturise skin well. Body as well as face.
7. Finally and above all however- smile and appear approachable and friendly at all possible opportunities.

@Pippyls67

I think being hot is partly about being comfortable with yourself- if this style makes you feel good that's fine but the description gives me cold shivers!

Even as a fairly hot 20 something I was mostly about trousers, heels and sexy top, and tousled rather than perfectly groomed look.

Hot is a mindset. I'm technically a menopausal mess (skin/belly/hair/the whole hormonal shit-show) and have never been conventionally "pretty". Lifting weights makes me feel like I'm wonder woman though. Make up, hair dye, all the other paraphernalia can't achieve what 15mins a day with a 20kg set of dumbells does. It changes how I feel about myself. I'm pretty sure that projects some form of "hot" to other people. Get some weights.

Yes I agree! I don't do weights but martial arts has a similar effect

@donaldgumbo re makeup I normally feel subtle is good, someone should not look at you and think 'what a lot of makeup' it should blend with and enhance your actual appearance.

I never got on with tinted moisturizer but you can mix a little foundation with your actual moisturizer to make it lighter.

I would use a concealer on the problem areas to blend with the rest of your skin and then a tiny amount of foundation mixed with moisturizer to smooth the skin tone.

My hair is curly and I look like I’ve been electrocuted most mornings. I spend 10-15 mins while having my coffee twirling it. On wet hair use loads of mousse- shockwaves is good. Use a short toothed comb and take a section about the thickness of your finger and twist it. Then wear a silk hairnet overnight.

Absolutely best thing for skin ime is this Collagen Gold serum by Balance.https://www.savers.co.uk/Skin-Care/Face-Moisturiser/Face-Serum/Balance-Gold-Collagen-Rejuvenating-Serum-30ml/p/770650 It's inexpensive and from first overnight use, it's like I'm looking at my skin through a filter. Buddy it up with a basic cream and your skin should improve. Balance may well do other serums that target your specific issues directly so take a look at the range.

Teeth - I don't know what's wrong with your teeth but to improve the colour, a whitening tooth paste will help - rub the tooth paste on your teeth, leave it on for a few mins - don't swallow - then brush them as normal. You should notice the colour improve fairly quickly.

Hair - try Folical Oracle shampoo, again cheap as chips but blooming fabulous. Then save for a decent cut with a good hairdresser.

Clothes - try charity shops - be discerning about what you buy. Try to create a capsule wardrobe - initially specific colours and specific items. Try to find classic looks - tailored jacket or cardi jacket, good brand jeans/trousers, on knee or longer dresses etc.

Good luck..

BTW you're already a goddess 💕

You mention you take your kid to swimming lessons. Can you have some time in the pool too? I’m not a huge fan of exercise myself, but I tried a few things until I found something tolerable, and walking and yoga fit the bill. The bonus is I am healthier and feel better. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

@Patterncarmen not really, they are autistic and need a lot of poolside reassurance lol

What lies beneath:

Get a professional bra fitting. It's free at M&S.

Then two really well fitting smooth bras, one black, one skin tone.

Opaque black tights feel nice, and are really flattering - look ❣️ with a shorter skirt.

I think you are confusing hot with slim.

I see you have rosacea ?
There are 2 very helpful facebook groups ( Rosacea sufferers UK ) there are supportive people who share tips etc .
Feel free to message me as I have lots of tips for rosacea prone skin ( I have it myself and it’s mostly under control because it can help to make some changes in diet and environment)
it could be worth talking to your GP about your skin condition as they may prescribe topicals like Soolantra .
Your hair sounds like it’s curly and just needs a bit of TLC .
lots of reasonable priced products in Boots often on a 2 for 3 plus you get the advantage card points .
My friend on a lower income books herself in as a model for trainee hairdressers who are very closely supervised so maybe think about that ?
Also look at Vinted for new clothes, I recently put some very nice things on there that simply don’t fit me so well. Or I bought them on sale meaning to get them shortened ( then realised the cost of a hem was too £ )

Oh and one or 2 have mentioned tretinoin .
If you have rosacea that can worsen it !

If you think that you might benefit from losing a bit of weight, consider intermittent fasting. A lot of people, myself included, find it v effective. Lots of info about it on YouTube. I recommend Jason Fung’s videos. He gets the info over really well and he’s a proper doctor (nephrology consultant) rather than being an ‘influencer’.

Are you on treatment for your rosacea? I started on a regime from Dermatica a while ago, tried a few things that didn’t help but started a new treatment recently which has almost cleared it (after living with it for about 20 years). I didn’t realise it was even bothered me that much, but I feel sooo much better with my skin being less scarlet all the time.

Hi OP, great thread I love a makeover!

My first observation is how you’re talking about yourself. You said your hair is “oil slick” black, skin is “sallow” you dress “like a man”. My love, please please be kind to yourself. You aren’t going to feel good about yourself until you tackle this negative self talk. Actually the other things don’t matter anywhere near as much as this!

Other than your outlook my tips for “the outside” are as follows:

Hair- expensive option is to get a cut and colour. Cheaper option would be to cover greys with a home dye similar to your natural colour. There are YouTube tutorials on how you can trim your own hair. Or maybe you have a friend who wouldn’t mind snipping off a centimetre or so just to trim the dead ends?

Hair styling- you’ve said you have frizzy/ curly hair. Honestly, I have the same hair type and straightening it is so much quicker and easier than the curly girl method! I’d buy a cheap straightener and wash dry and straighten it a couple of times a week. I’m so quick at this now and you’ll get quick too- promise!

Eyebrows- pluck any stray hairs and trim of out of control.

Skin- go to the doctor and get some nhs prescription soolantra. Not expensive of an nhs prescription. Other than that Lidl do a good day and night cream for a couple of quid a pot.

Teeth- Crest whitening strips are cheap as chips and you can buy on Amazon. Use them for a couple of days until your teeth are brighter. They do damage your teeth but quite honestly so does drinking coke and eating chocolate. It’s all about balance.

Makeup- I have rosacea and I use Dr Jart Cicapair treatment https://www.boots.com/dr-jart-cicapair-tiger-grass-colour-correcting-treatment-50ml-10292009 If you used that, some liquid bronzer (so as to not add to the redness), some clear lip gloss and some mascara that would be a good start!

Body- start with the basics. A loofah to exfoliate in the shower, shave fuzzy parts and a bottle of nice scented lotion.

Nails (hands and feet) file and shape with a nail file. Clear or skin colour polish. Moisturise your hands and feet with the lotion. You might need a foot file depending on your foot skin.

Fake tan (?) you haven’t said your skin tone but assuming you’re white from your comment about having “sallow” skin? I honestly find that a layer of fake tan really makes a difference to my overall glow at this time of year. But might not be relevant to you, so ignore if you’re not pale.

Clothes - so hard to say without knowing you but at this time of year I live in tights, leggings, boots and dresses. If you were on a budget you could get one decent pair of winter boots from Vinted, I’d go for flat and black leather and a bit more dressy than doc martens so they could be work for day or night. Then 7 pairs of opaque tights, 7 long/ midi dresses in dark, classic colours (example linked). Assume you already have a winter coat and a handbag but you could look for other versions. I feel like this outfit could work for day/ night and lots of jobs. Practical for dealing with housework and kids. Dress: https://www.marksandspencer.com/jersey-sparkly-ribbed-midi-column-dress/p/clp60705200?intid=mobile_app_pdp_share

Wellness- focus on free/ cheap stuff like going on a walk, eating fruit and veg and drinking more water. I know you say you have no time and I get it. But everyone has time in their day to do a 10 min yoga video. It’s free, takes 10 mins. No need for shower after and you can do it on your PJs! Yoga not your thing, try Pilates, HIIT etc. Also remember exercise is not about “burning calories” it’s about treating your body well and feeling good.

Good luck!

OK, that puts a new spin on it. No wonder you are run off your feet. There are resistance training videos on YouTube as well as Yoga that are 15 minutes long. I also do stuff like do squats when waiting for my coffee to brew or food to cook, etc, and at work, I took a walk during my lunch break just to clear my head. There have been some great suggestions on this thread, and I hope that some are useful and you will feel better about yourself. Good luck!