How do I become 'hot'?

[DonaldGumbo]

After years of giving 0 thought my appearance, it's finally getting me down a bit.
I'm struggling with bad skin, bad teeth, sagginess, mental hair, terrible clothes and no real motivation.
I also have no money.
Help a girl out.

Read up on the curly girl method to make the most of your hair and find a hair dresser who knows how to cut curls- it will make a big difference.

For the rosacea get a Soolantra prescription. Marvellous stuff!

Don't use tret until you have the rosacea under control, and even then use with caution.

If your rosacea is bad, go to GP. I had good results with metronidazole cream but others swear by Soolantra.

Once it's more under control you can keep it that way with azelaic acid and hypochlorus acid spray. The latter I've only recently introduced and it has made a huge difference to the redness that just wouldn't go.

You have to be get careful and gentle with rosacea skin.

Get a decent haircut, one that needs little maintenance. There are so many hair products avalible these days, try something like Aussie shampoos, I’ve started buying these for my DD who has wild dry wiry hair. I have straight greasy hair so had no idea what to get her, I’ve just been doing trial and error but she’s decided she likes the Aussie ones.

You don’t have to spend a fortune of creams & serums. Try and get some samples from places like boots. I know Avon dose samples you can buy for £1. I’ve always bought supermarket products and been happy, I’ve started with the Avon Products and really liking them. I’m still using my supermarket bought L’Oréal moisturisers too. The classic Nivea blue tub is still a favourite with many.

The trick is to apply regularly, morning and evening. Find a serum you like and nice night cream. I’ve noticed since I really started to take care of my skin and keep up a routine my skin feels amazing.

Make sure your cleaning your skin daily and exfoliate regularly.

Thankfully my rosacea isn’t as bad as the rest of the women in my family, I know my mother always used No7 for hers which was pretty bad. I can manage with the L’Oréal colour correction pen.

Teeth is a big thing for DH & I, we both have horrible teeth and were never taught good dental hygiene. We both use different products, DH uses the Colgate whitening toothpastes as he’s a big coffee drinker, luckily even with lack of care he dosnt have many cavities, he dose have terribly crooked teeth at the bottom but as long as their white they don’t bother him. I’m the opposite, constant dental issues but straight teeth, not bright white, I’ve come to terms with never having white white teeth, for me it’s cavity protection and sensitive teeth I focus on. I use corsodyl and sensodyne products. Floss sticks a must.

We are 49 we’ve both thought about dental work but decided it’s too late and as long as we keep up looking after our teeth we are happy.

Just start with one thing, something you can do with little effort, for me I started during lockdown with skincare. My friend did tropics so I ordered some. I wasn’t keen on the products but they started to get me into good habits. Another friend started Avon and I was given lots of samples so I started buying these, they are easy as I can just order on line, taking the shopping effort out. I very rarely go out in the evening so once I’m home after the school run I clean my face, put my serum and creams on straight away, at bedtime I give my face another wipe with cleanser, serum and night cream.

I’ve started watching videos of skin care, how to apply makeup etc and really enjoyed exploring new ideas.

With the clothes, just try something new. I was a 22 now 16/18 more 18. I’m only 5”2 and big boobs. I was living out of horrible frumpy clothes, but once I started to feel better about myself I found I was happy to try new things. When your out pick up a few random things to try on, you might surprise yourself and find something looks better on you than you thought.

Might be worth giving Youtube work outs a go - I love yoga with Adriene.

Maybe try and tackle things bit by bit e.g.

Week one - increase water intake (time marked water bottle might help)

Week two - dentist/hygienist app

Week three - yoga/exercise/ walk three times per week

Week four - skin care overhaul. Stylevana is great for affordable Korean skincare products. I think azelaic acid and centella are good for rosacea. I'd recommend this mineral sunscreen

If you're likely to get Christmas gifts, could you requests vouchers from your favourite clothes shop?

A green coloured primer will help if you want to tone down the rosacea. Boots No 7 do a reasonably priced one which I use. A haircut will help.
Also 'hotness' can be achieved with confidence & a smile. Make a few changes so you feel more confident & worry less about what people think. Walk tall & be proud of yourself which will radiate to others.

@CrushOnEminem I do appreciate the advice and the motivation I really do, and I really do want to lose weight. But I am really struggling with the time thing. I just honestly do not stop from 6am until 10pm. I don't watch TV, I don't sit in my living room, I dont get me time. I just constantly move from one task to another. My cooking is generally rice in steam bag, frozen peas and some form of protein every night. I eat a sandwich in my car between visits. It's just not ideal for weightloss or feeling nourished.
I don't have a partner. My time is completely taken up with motherhood and work.
I don't know when I would go to a gym or even take a walk (in winter at least)

Personally I would not opt for lippy if you wanted a subtle change. I would perhaps go for a tinted moisturiser or CC cream. If you have rosacea that something with a green tint will help to neutralise the redness. I’ve never used it, but Rosalique is for rosacea and is often recommended. I’d then put on one coat of mascara, and then try to pencil in eyebrows. I would recommend a makeup lesson to help if you aren’t sure how to apply makeup. I would go to John Lewis or a big department store, and walk around the beauty department. If you spot someone working on one of the beauty counters whose make up you like, ask if they do makeup lesson. Shiseido might be a good bet for you, their style is quite natural. Stay clear of Charlotte Tilbury, Benefit, Mac.

I have Roseaca - really cheap to manage for me, cream from doctors metro gel , moisturiser dermol cream over the counter a pharmacy and for washing my face the body shop chamomile cleansing butter. This works for me and not expensive.

Why does it have to be running? Isn't it bad for your knees and makes your face sag?

Water and sleep are first places to go! Literally just start by making yourself feel better, conditioner in for longer than usual, sown time over hair, wash face and moisturise, de fuzz and moisturise, pain nails and you’ll feel great and that will show xx

Charity shops can be great for clothes. My latest buys are a Cashmere pashmina for a river and a jaeger jersey dress for a quid.

I agree wholeheartedly about a good bra, so many women wear bras that don’t fit. Plus walk tall. My mother walked beautifully, she actually did teach us how to walk properly as weird as that sounds. She was a bit of an oddity but had been on stage and was a professional dancer when young. My dance teacher who is now late sixties reminds me so much of her because she stands well and has amazing posture.

If you want to lose weight cut portion size and only eat three times a day, zero snacking.

If you can’t put make up on well it can be bad but start to moisturise, just cheap stuff is fine. I use Simple and Clinique as has to be fragrance free. Simple is really inexpensive.

Stay away from acids and retinol until rosacea under control. I can use retinol as in an eye cream but not on my face. It's too much for sensitive skin.

I totally feel you and we both know it's about losing the weight.
The amount of so called pretty girls when it's 'just' that they are slim and toned, they get away with so much more than an overweight woman. Just focus on the diet aspect for now then in a couple of months add exercise.

Ps I have roseacea and use Cetaphil wash and avene skin soothing cream, le Roche posay spf

Hot is just a state of mind. It's feeling confident and walking into a situation just knowing you're going to smash it. Other people can sense that confidence and read it as hot. Someone who feels like that all the time probably also has the confidence to try new clothes, makeup/whatever because they're not afraid to be noticed, so they get read as hot. Hold your head up and go out in the world just knowing you're going to nail it. You go girl. I'm sure your body is fine, it's just a body.

It doesn’t, OP said she hated running. No it isn’t bad for your knees, per se. And no of course it doesn’t make your face sag, what nonsense!

Okay but overweight people can still be hot, people with frizzy hair can be hot! Being hot is subjective, I fucking know (after many years) that I am actually hot and although my confidence is boosted thanks to making small visual changes, I know my hotness is more than that.

I'm a (now) confident, flirtatious, sexual person who is happy to chat to anyone and confident enough to dismiss anyone from my presence who does anything to try to bring me down. I have one life and I am going to live it, yes I have rolls when I sit down, yes my legs are sometimes hairy and I have to shave my face daily (thank you hormones) but still, I know I am still an attractive woman who has something to offer and I know this without the need for validation from other people.

"Hot" - was going to suggest a wheat bag.

If you've got curly/frizzy hair, Cantu products are brilliant - and inexpensive.
If you have black hair shops near you, they are generally cheaper than boots/superdrug (unless they have offers on),
I'm a hair product junkie, but always go back to Cantu.
All you really need is the cowash and Curl Activator Cream - I wash about once a week, and wet my hair and put diluted curl activator on damp hair daily. Both about £6, co wash lasts 6-8 months, and the activator cream over a year.
Get a cut first.

Good hair cut. Stand tall. Strong lipstick

If you can’t put make up on well it can be bad

Just to say, no make up is better than bad make up. I rarely wear make up and get people shocked at my age (they think I'm younger) and I think that is because the wrong make up can be very aging so I prefer to opt out.

Some tips for when time and cash poor.
Nails - file into even shape. One or two coats Rimmel pinky nail polish - the French manicure one. Don’t bother with all the steps. Looks classy and that have made an effort - but in reality no effort - no need to worry about chips.

No time to wash full head - fine - do front fronds and fringe. A very cold tap rinse at end hair washing is best thing for shine.

Body and fitness. Are you getting all the vitamins you need? If you can, try to eat nuts. Buy one of these enormous packets mixed seeds and add to your cereal, yoghurt etc. Loads of free workouts online. No need fancy gym kit or membership - do at home. Walk as much as you can.

What colours are you drawn to/ make you happy? What textures do you like/ not like? Eg do you feel fab in (fake) fur? Prefer something silky or cotton? Who do you think looks nice in public eye? Look for clothes in that style as adjusted for your shape / these colours on Vinted etc.

Looking ‘hot’ suggests to me a presentation that is designed to appeal to men. You need to appeal to you. What makes you feel good?

Are you claiming everything that you can? It's really tough that you have no money when you're working full-time. How old are your children? Do you have to pay for childcare? Do you have any child maintenance?

Drink two big glasses of water every day before you do anything else. After a week or so you'll feel a massive difference.

Would the kids go for a walk with you after your evening? Would they do an exercise video with you in the evening? My kids used to really enjoy doing that with me.

Cut out sugar completely. That again will make a huge difference.

Regarding your skin, a moisturiser is the most important thing. It doesn't have to be expensive. People have said that moisturisers from Aldi andLidl are good. The most important thing is that your skin is moisturised.

See your doctor about your skin problems. I know it's hard to fit in an appointment but they should be able to help. Cutting sugar out really helps with anything to do with inflammation

I really feel for you. I was a single mum as well and it was non-stop.

You could try getting a running/walking board (look on Amazon etc). They can fit beneath your bed or sofa for exercise any time. I can understand that you don't want to walk or run outside at this time of year (though a long walk on a cold day is exhilarating and will make you feel better).

start a glow up thread on style and beauty - but okay

Bad skin - drink water and cut back on sugar / wine - cleanse/moisturise to start with, a cheap supermarket cleanser and Nivea in the blue pot is your friend and then add in sunscreen and retinol when budget allows.

Bad teeth, in what way? do you need a brace or will Crest whitening strips off ebay do the job.

Sagginess - a really good bra that fits correctly - asda or ebay can be your friend here.

Mental hair - do you mean frizzy? frizzy is the new curly, try washing and just running your fingers through it rather than brushing and then air dry with some mousse and run your fingers through it again. Do you need a hairdresser? forget high street hairdressers and find a super local mobile or works from home hair dresser, far cheaper.

Terrible clothes and no real motivation, vinted can be great for clothes - as for motivation, you've just started a thread on becoming hot, so you must have some motivation?