How do I become 'hot'?

[DonaldGumbo]

After years of giving 0 thought my appearance, it's finally getting me down a bit.
I'm struggling with bad skin, bad teeth, sagginess, mental hair, terrible clothes and no real motivation.
I also have no money.
Help a girl out.

Second that, it makes a massive differnce for absolutely everything. And eat better, it'll make a difference to most things you've mentioned, skin, MH, hair etc.

Get professionals involved if you can afford it. E.g. get a hairdresser to fix your hair and advise you, that makes such a massive difference.

However 'hot' doesn't come from the outside. Yes, it's easier to love yourself if you see some things you like in the mirror. But some of the most beautiful women have no confidence.

You need to get yourself to a place where you back yourself and see value in yourself, in who you are, your personality, etc, etc.

I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world in terms of what I was born with, but I wake up in the morning believing in myself, and that means that I can pull off that killer outfit and carry myself with confidence, smile at people etc. People say they find me attractive because of my 'presence' for lack of better word, and that isn't necessarily to do with factual features, it's about about confidence that you build step by step.

So MH in fact has a bigger role to play than we think.

Haircut and good bra are excellent suggestions. I wouldn't waste money on skincare unless you have very dry skin. I never did when I was younger, and I'm the only 60 year old I know without wrinkles. It's often a waste of money.

Are you a single parent??

I wouldn't say I'm lacking in confidence or depressed, I have many great features (modesty obvs one). I just wish I could make people notice me. Rather than have to win them over with personality first. I'm never the one anyone looks at or remembers.

@Photodilemmas yes

May I ask, where do you buy your tretinoin cheaply?

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm 50 and gorgeous.

My hair is white.

My face is beautiful.

C'mon you're being very silly.

Shower in the morning, you'll feel fresher.

Dry your hair properly, don't blast it and straighten it. Take your time with, twice a week.
Invest in a good haircut or even just a trim and tidy to start you off. Semi permanent box dye if you can't afford full treatment at hairdressers.

For skin either see the Dr or I highly recommend The Ordinary rebalance serum. Cheap and effective and a good moisturiser. Doesn't need to be expensive. L'Oreal have a hydrating one in home bargain for £5

Mascara & lip balm / tint. Vaseline do a rosy one. No point going full hog.
If you want foundation L'Oreal do a tinted serum and a no7 bronzer if you want to go that far.

Get an eyebrow wax, amazing what good shaped eyebrows do for a face.

Get a good fitting bra. Even get measured and then look on Vinted for brand new with tags in your size.
Comfortable well fitting pants.

Clothes, make sure they fit you. If you buy them too big or too small they look untidy.
Plain white tshirt, plain black T-shirt and jazz it up with charity shop jewelry.
Wrap dresses are your friend.
Google capsule wardrobe then get on the Vinted and round the charity shops for your basics.

The key is small changes, if you do it all at once you'll be overwhelmed.

Out walking in fresh air and drink water, but honestly build it up. Even if you manage a wee glass of water and a walk round the street.

Good luck. Hoping you find your confidence. Xx

From a health perspective- teeth are really important - you don’t say what you mean by bad teeth? A hygienist appointment tends to make me feel better, although I hate them, and there’s evidence that oral health is connected to other health outcomes

You could try azelaic acid and Erborian CC red for the rosacea

Find a stretching and a strength training routine for beginners on YouTube plus a half hour walk everyday

Hey @DonaldGumbo what do you actually want?

Get a good haircut. Get your brows waxed and tinted. Cleanse, tone, and moisturise, try REN products. Get your nails done. Walk as much as you can, or brave couch to five k. Weight training is also brilliant for fitness and feeling good about yourself.

Erborian cc+ creams, including the green corrective one, are great; as is IT cosmetics your skin but better cc+ cream. Wear lipstick or tinted balm.

Chuck out any tired or bobbled or saggy clothes. Buy some new items that make you feel nice. Get good underwear. Walk with confidence, like you can take on the world.

@TriangleLight I haven't worn any make up for ten plus years, if I wore lipstick now my friends and family would think I was having a breakdown lol

FFS lady.

@DonaldGumbo what do you actually want?

I've always been beautiful. It's just a thing though.

I'm getting a vibe here.

Well they'll get a fucking shock when you come out all 'hot' then.

OP I feel you.
This may not be popular but at size 16 you could probably lose a few lbs.
This is the quickest surefire way to help you regain confidence in your physical appearance.

Because the truth is this is all about how you feel inside. You're already winning sy life - you have presumably a partner & you have dc to whom you are the most amazing & important person in their universe.

You're already winning at life.

So you need to make yourself feel better.

I've lost almost 2.5stone this year & I did it by making small changes from convenience foods / snacking./ wine to eating with more focus on fresh, whole ingredients.

I get that you have young kids but you can do it because you deserve to feel young & vibrant & healthy- all of which you are.

A simple makeup routine that works for your skin & maybe a trip to the hairdressers & a style you can manage - a 12 week blow dry etc could be good to explore.

I don't know if you do or not but get dressed properly evey day. Wear clothes that make you feel good. Don't wear things that make you feel like a lesser version of yourself even if you're at home with the dc all day.

Use your perfume. Do your hair. Wear your jewellery. Be your own champion.

Try to intentionally make time to read a book or go to the theatre or cinema or whatever floats your boat but is literally just for you - for your mind/ brain / inner life. It's too easy to lose yourself in motherhood.

Meet friends for a walk or a coffee & don't spend the time talking about the kids

You can do this OP. Make a promise to yourself that 2025 is the year you prioritise you! Noone else will do this for you.

Good luck!

The secret is that nobody likes running when they start. It’s horrendous for a good few weeks. Then it’s not so bad, then everyone realises that you aren’t available when you’re out running, and you realise that it’s your precious uninterrupted time to listen to a book or podcast, and suddenly it’s a small price to pay to do walking but faster.

Yay!

40 is still young . I didn’t settle into my looks until 50. I was permanently in baggy leggings with frizzy hair at 35.
I’m 60 and I think I look better than I did at 35.. ( though that might be down to self acceptance … or shortsightedness )

Okay OP I was here last year. I went to a wedding and I spent the days in the run up to said wedding in floods of tears feeling shit about the way I look and felt like I would stick out like a sore thumb as not fitting in with the well groomed people that would be there. Today I feel confident, and yes, hot! (never thought I'd say that but here we are). I still get days where I feel shite BUT for the most part I feel good (or at least better) about myself. Here is what I did ...

So, after the wedding I vowed to myself I would make small changes daily. I told myself that this is the worst I will ever look because from now on I will make an effort to be the best version of myself I can be within my capability and budget (I'm also poor btw).

Day after the wedding I threw out almost all of my scruffy/stained clothing (kept some for painting/gardening). I have spent months scouring the charity shops for nice clothes and my wardrobe has built up nicely.

I made very, very small changes to start. I never wore make up (still don't for the most part) but I wear mascara every day now. Make sure my nails aren't chipped (I won't pay to have them done). I wear earrings and other jewellery daily. I stopped keeping certain items 'for best'.

Later last year I had my 40th birthday, next day (Christmas day) I got with my now partner (he's 29 😬) - we did have a split where I ended up with a 26 year old but now we're back together (it sounds like a shit show and it probably is but never had more fun in my life).

I considered what my best 'asset', visually, is. Probably my legs, now before I would NEVER wear skirts. I now live in them. Have a look at what is trending fashion wise and try to emulate that on a budget, I tend to dress in a more classic/old money style and often find VERY reasonably priced items that fit the bill in the charity shops.

I spend next to nothing on beauty products. Most moisturisers etc will do the same as the next so don't be suckered into buying expensive products promising to make you look twenty years younger.

Finally, mindset. I hate to say it but we're not getting younger, so make the most of what you have to offer now. Make the most of how you look NOW. If you don't you will look back one day and think "fuck, I was trying to be hot and I WAS hot, now I'm not". The biggest thing holding you back from believing it is you. Confidence is a case of fake it until you make it. I'm not the best looking woman who will walk into the pub BUT I'm 'hot' enough, I have a great sense of humour, a wicked laugh and know how to let myself go and that has been enough for me to attract plenty of men. Trust me, act like you're the hottest thing in the world, you ARE the main character in your own life so live like that.

Good luck OP, rooting for you! You have absolutely got this!

What vibe? I'm not trying to be antagonistic, just that if I put lipstick on, it's not going to transform me is it? I'll just look like an overweight person with bad skin and frizzy hair.. and lip stick.
I need suggestions of how to work on the foundations, and in stages, and I've had lots of good ones on this thread.

I hear ya.

I love my 50s.

I feel so fucking good.

And gorgeous.

Such brilliant advice on here .

OK, here you go, have this for free:

Stop eating shite carbs. That means no chips, white bread, cakes, chocs.
Exercise 3ish times per week, lightly if you can't be arsed.
Give up booze.