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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keep the magic or he should grow up now

314 replies

Glitterfish · 04/12/2024 18:02

My DS is a lovely chatting outgoing boy but he is very innocent. He has just started secondary this year and seems to be settling in very well.

However in the last week he started mentioning Santa and asking where Elfie is. Now I thought he knew last year as he was talking about cost of his gift in advance and whether he should ask Santa or not and so assumed it was all over in terms of Santa but he was just keeping up a pretence (as kids do). He hasn't said much about Santa this year - one or 2 passing references but he was getting a bit upset yesterday and today that Elfie hadn't made an appearance yet.

What do I do?
YABU: Tell him now (and potentially ruin the magic of Christmas)
YANBU: Wait till after Christmas (although he may potentially mention something in school and face ridicule)

PS. We do have a very nice Elfie (wooden with handmade clothes so I don't mind it around :).

OP posts:
MumOfOneAllAlone · 04/12/2024 18:04

Sorry, I’d tell him before some bully decides to use it against him at school, honestly x

MuggleMe · 04/12/2024 18:04

I don't understand what retaining traditions has to do with actually believing. It's still fun to do the magical things even if you secretly or not so secretly know the truth.

JC03745 · 04/12/2024 18:05

What is Elfie??? An elf on the shelf type doll? Does he have additional needs? Maybe he is pretending to keep you happy? Hard to know, but I'd be surprised a child of that age believes a wooden door is animated and moves around the house itself.
Does he still think Santa is real also?

MuggleMe · 04/12/2024 18:05

I was still getting stockings until I got married.

Nc546888 · 04/12/2024 18:05

Secondary school? Bloody hell he’s too old for Father Christmas now. I thought all kids knew the truth by 8

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/12/2024 18:08

You think that he thinks Elfie is a real elf? I very much doubt it. He just likes the Xmas tradition. Nothing wrong with that.

Original poster
Glitterfish · 04/12/2024 18:08

JC03745 · 04/12/2024 18:05

What is Elfie??? An elf on the shelf type doll? Does he have additional needs? Maybe he is pretending to keep you happy? Hard to know, but I'd be surprised a child of that age believes a wooden door is animated and moves around the house itself.
Does he still think Santa is real also?

Yes Elfie is our version of Elf on the shelf but always hated those plastic dolls. He really seems to believe it should be here and getting up to tricks. I hope its to keep me happy but how can I be sure?

OP posts:
NotbloodyGivingupYet · 04/12/2024 18:08

Well I was still getting stockings when I was in my twenties but I knew it wasn't Santa bringing them.
Check that he knows what's what's before he's made a laughing stock at school.
Although he might just want Elfie to continue as part of Christmas tradition?

Hateam · 04/12/2024 18:09

Tell him tonight.
If it comes out in school that he still believes he will me mercilessly teased at best and possibly bullied every Christmas for years.

I'm not joking - for God's sake tell him tonight.

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 04/12/2024 18:09

Glitterfish · 04/12/2024 18:08

Yes Elfie is our version of Elf on the shelf but always hated those plastic dolls. He really seems to believe it should be here and getting up to tricks. I hope its to keep me happy but how can I be sure?

Show quote history

Talk to him?

Original poster
Glitterfish · 04/12/2024 18:09

MuggleMe · 04/12/2024 18:05

I was still getting stockings until I got married.

love that - I think we all should :)

OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 04/12/2024 18:10

Unless there are any special educational needs he must know. I mean presumably he knows the rest of his toys aren't real?

Original poster
Glitterfish · 04/12/2024 18:11

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/12/2024 18:08

You think that he thinks Elfie is a real elf? I very much doubt it. He just likes the Xmas tradition. Nothing wrong with that.

That's what I'm hoping but hate the thought of bursting his bubble jus before Christmas if he really believes

OP posts:
FluDog · 04/12/2024 18:11

DS is year 6 and still wrote a letter to Santa. I think he's more worried he won't get what he wants if he doesn't.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 04/12/2024 18:11

Glitterfish · 04/12/2024 18:08

Yes Elfie is our version of Elf on the shelf but always hated those plastic dolls. He really seems to believe it should be here and getting up to tricks. I hope its to keep me happy but how can I be sure?

Show quote history

You could ask him. Or talk about it as if you know he knows.- I'm running out of ideas if where to put him, got any ideas ds?

Original poster
Glitterfish · 04/12/2024 18:12

Littletreefrog · 04/12/2024 18:10

Unless there are any special educational needs he must know. I mean presumably he knows the rest of his toys aren't real?

No additional needs but really into Magic, other worlds etc

OP posts:
batsandeggs · 04/12/2024 18:12

Tell him, it’s definitely time. That being said you can still continue with your traditions and keeping the Christmas magic there, the two are not mutually exclusive.

Tuhlula · 04/12/2024 18:12

Carry on but make it sort of obvious that it's made up, so he can work it out himself.

Littletreefrog · 04/12/2024 18:13

Oh and my kids still get presents and stockings from Santa despite being 14 and 17 and definitely not believing in Santa. In fact DS1 told me he wasn't real when he was around 5 and I'm not sure DS2 ever thought it was anymore than a nice story I have never told either of them he isn't real I always thought it was just something kids came to realise by themselves. It is pretty obvious after all.

Zae134 · 04/12/2024 18:13

I would tell him. When my DS asked me if Santa was real, I was lucky because he already sort of knew and just needed it confirming. I told him that he was now old enough to be let into the big secret- Santa is real, but the truth is that we're all Santa. Together we create a beautiful magical time for all children, and now he gets to be part of it, he gets to be Santa too.

GotToGetDinner · 04/12/2024 18:13

I think it's very unlikely he still believes! He's likely playing along!

Neither of mine believe (yr 6 and yr 8) but they pretend they do and they have a stocking etc.. I'll never tell them there's no Santa and Santa will be visiting until they've left home (and beyond if they come home for Christmas!)

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 04/12/2024 18:13

Tuhlula · 04/12/2024 18:12

Carry on but make it sort of obvious that it's made up, so he can work it out himself.

Said it better than I did.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 04/12/2024 18:13

Hateam · 04/12/2024 18:09

Tell him tonight.
If it comes out in school that he still believes he will me mercilessly teased at best and possibly bullied every Christmas for years.

I'm not joking - for God's sake tell him tonight.

I’m literally thinking the same thing! tonight, before he mention it to his mates tomorrow x

Fenellapitstop · 04/12/2024 18:15

My youngest is 11yo and at secondary, I also have kids in their 20's. I know she doesn't believe anymore. No conversation necessary. I feign horror when she suggests 'getting things for people's stockings from father Christmas'. She tells me about how her friends don't have and elf anymore because their families don't like it, but she still likes it as she finds it part of her Christmas traditions.

I think that's what your son means maybe

TitusMoan · 04/12/2024 18:16

Ask him why Santa gives rich children more than he gives poor children. Ask him how he thinks Santa can really go around the world in one night delivering presents to everyone. Make him use his brain!!