Keep the magic or he should grow up now

[Glitterfish]

My DS is a lovely chatting outgoing boy but he is very innocent. He has just started secondary this year and seems to be settling in very well.

However in the last week he started mentioning Santa and asking where Elfie is. Now I thought he knew last year as he was talking about cost of his gift in advance and whether he should ask Santa or not and so assumed it was all over in terms of Santa but he was just keeping up a pretence (as kids do). He hasn't said much about Santa this year - one or 2 passing references but he was getting a bit upset yesterday and today that Elfie hadn't made an appearance yet.

What do I do?
YABU: Tell him now (and potentially ruin the magic of Christmas)
YANBU: Wait till after Christmas (although he may potentially mention something in school and face ridicule)

PS. We do have a very nice Elfie (wooden with handmade clothes so I don't mind it around :).

My two still wrote letters even though they were pretty sure of the truth, it was a case of covering all bases, just in case they were wrong!

Aww, bless him. Does he have a younger sibling or close cousins/family friends @Glitterfish?

My only sibling was so much younger than me (nearly 10 years) that I never said anything. In fact, I don’t actually remember a point when I realised about Santa. It was just a slow dawning. And I’m sure I never told my mum when I knew. I think I just didn’t want the magic to stop.

I bet he does know (subconsciously, at least) but doesn’t overly let his mind go there as he wants to cling to the magic of childhood. In the scientific world we live in, Xmas is one of the few times we get to experience magic now.

As the risk of him being teased at school is quite low, I wouldn’t say anything overt, especially before this before Xmas. But to help reduce the risk of him saying anything that might embarrass him at school or with friends, maybe start dropping hints to him. Like, “Of course, Santa isn’t a real person, he’s a magical figure”.

op - my son is the same - 12 and whether he truly believes or not, is still wanting all the christmas/santa traditions (even if his little sister is telling him Santa isnt real). I've told him not to mention Santa at school, but otherwise, I'm not taking a little bit of magic away when he's had to be a pretty brave 'big boy' to navigate going to a large secondary school after a small primary school

My three now adults never let on there was a big age difference between the first two and the youngest so letters continued to go up the chimney for many years.

I’m surprised a NT secondary school hasn’t worked it out or at least found out before now. Very unusual

Dd was late in finding out. I think she was 9 or 10. Ds worked it out himself at around 6/7

I would tell him

Isn’t the rule that you know but you pretend you don’t know for years afterwards and it makes you feel 1) embarrassed that your mum thinks you still believe but also a 2) warm and fuzzy like you did as a small child.

in Our families your get a stocking from your parents till you become a parent! Just small thoughtful things. A book, a nail varnish, a hot chocolate set etc.

I don't agree with most of the posts I've read here. Did someone tell you that Santa wasn't real? Or did you work it out yourself and just enjoy playing along? I knew he wasn't real in year 7 but I will never forget the teacher who decided to announce 'we all know Santa isn't real' when I was in year 7. I felt it was totally unnecessary and honestly don't think I have ever forgiven her for it. You do not need to sit him down and tell him. Chances are they won't even talk about it at secondary school so noone is going to bully him about it. If he is confident and outgoing then chances are also that he can play it off and pretend he was joking if it did come up in conversation and another child laughed at him.
If he asks you then you can answer him but if he doesn't ask then don't tell is my personal opinion

I've got the exact same issue with my daughter! She's in Year 7 and I thought she was playing along for her brother until she eagerly wrote her list to Santa and has been talking in a way that makes it obvious she still believes. I love the magic and how excited she is, and I don't want to spoil her Christmas (having done that with my older son).

My 18 year old believed until I told him the summer before secondary school. He still says to this day that I did the wrong thing telling him. He would never have mentioned it at school, but would have loved to be able to keep that tiny spark of hope alive, which I denied him by telling him. My daughter is very similar in personality to him, so I will be following his advice and never telling her absolutely.

I'm surprised by the number of posters who can't understand how anyone that old could still believe, one poster even called them thick! My daughter is top of all her classes, very bright and academic, she just loves Christmas and the magic.

This. Please. For his sake (Elfie? In year 8?)

I genuinely still believed in year 6, my mum had to tell me before I went to secondary school. Only child with no cousin. My eldest believed until year 6 too! Youngest is 8 next month and still believes.

OP maybe he’s just pretending he still believes?

He might just be pretending, he can still enjoy the magic of Santa and the elf even if he knows the truth.

I would tell him though considering he is in high school, it’s a shame to tell him before Christmas but if people find out he could get bullied.

Op, are you actually serious??
he’s in secondary school!

I was fully expecting your post to declare he’s 8 years old from the title.

Let’s just gather some perspective, you are babying your high school aged son. He has a magic Christmas toy called “Elfie”, you’re still peddling the Santa Claus line ( so a high school boy still believes a man from the North Pole delivers billions of presents in one night, on his sleigh, with all his reindeer flying him through the sky)

High School!

op, he will be bullied if this gets out.
And.It.Will.Never.Stop

He will literally be bullied right up until the end of year 11

I don’t see the problem. It’s unlikely that he literally believes they are real. He is probably like those people who dress up in medieval costumes and reenact historical events. Some people just really get into stuff for escapism.

I’m a grown up with grown up children. We all have Christmas stockings.I let my husband know what I’d like from Santa and Santa obliges.

I don't think at 11 your ds thinks Santa is real, he just wants to keep the magic alive.

If anything at this age I think it's even more important to maintain your traditions, it's what makes it still feel like Christmas once the believing ends.

FFS.

I was 7 when i found out that Santa or Father Christmas as we called him was fiction. Still had a stocking or in my case a carrier bag of stuff until I was in my 20's. My mum was brilliant at doing them. packs of tights, sweets, face pack, glossy magazine, and othe assorted silly little things that were just a pleasure to unwrap on Christmas morning. Belief does not matter, it was the feeling of being loved/ My mum had got me all these little treats and wrapped them up for me that was so special.

I would put money on the people saying tell him tonight for God’s sake are the same people who think it is wrong to ever let children believe in Father Christmas.

Back in the real world kids pretend they believe long after they do - just because it is nice, fun and familiar.

And kids don’t get bullied at secondary school for believing in Father Christmas because by that point they all know it’s a game and roll their eyes at us thinking they really still believe.

I find it hard to believe some of you have ever met a teenager.

I still follow NORAD Santa even though son is all grown up.

Yeah but some parents don't even try to get their kids to not spoil it for others, they actively encourage it.

I think one of my old colleagues handled it best when her son had started secondary school and she realised he still believed. Her husband took him on one side and basically said " hey, mate, I need to talk to you about Christmas. I'm sure you've probably worked out that Father Christmas is really mum and me, but your mum really loves the whole Santa claus thing, so do you think you could play along with it for her sake?" It gave him the chance to save face by nodding along with dad, saved him from problems at school, but also allowed him to enjoy the idea of it all. I'm sure he probably had doubts, but this seemed to me to be a good way to deal with it?

This. I'm amazed he's kept believing in it for so long.

Aw that's lovely!!

I was friends with a 12 year old who still believed in Santa at Secondary school. Our science teacher started a lesson with "I'm hoping you all know by now that Santa isn't real" she actually ran out of the room crying. She did get bullied but she was already being bullied about other things so I don't know if she would have been bullied for this alone if she wasn't already a target.

Id just say the elves are only for children in primary school.....