Keep the magic or he should grow up now

[Glitterfish]

My DS is a lovely chatting outgoing boy but he is very innocent. He has just started secondary this year and seems to be settling in very well.

However in the last week he started mentioning Santa and asking where Elfie is. Now I thought he knew last year as he was talking about cost of his gift in advance and whether he should ask Santa or not and so assumed it was all over in terms of Santa but he was just keeping up a pretence (as kids do). He hasn't said much about Santa this year - one or 2 passing references but he was getting a bit upset yesterday and today that Elfie hadn't made an appearance yet.

What do I do?
YABU: Tell him now (and potentially ruin the magic of Christmas)
YANBU: Wait till after Christmas (although he may potentially mention something in school and face ridicule)

PS. We do have a very nice Elfie (wooden with handmade clothes so I don't mind it around :).

Tell him now. I had a year 7 pupil who found out in class during a lesson and he was visibly distraught that everybody else knew Santa wasn't real. He looked to me to confirm that they weren't winding him up. It was brutal and he looked very upset and very embarrassed. Also, just in case anybody wonders - it wasn't done on purpose to embarrass him.

Please don’t sit him down and tell him. He probably knows anyway and just enjoys the tradition, so why ruin it? Him discussing it at school then getting bullied is very unlikely. Let him be a kid at home.

My teen GC still put out a pillow case.... but they do know it is their parents who fill them!!!

I was worried about being i this situation so despite hints like you got last year. I just mentioned in June whilst driving somewhere about how I enjoy playing Santa at xmas. DS was shocked I had admitted it but it was out in the air and no confusion. If you decide not to tell him this Christmas id recommend this!

My mum was so miserable about Christmas and took every opportunity to tell us what a chore it was that she told me (oldest of 3) that she would only do stockings until my youngest DB stopped believing. My other brother and I threatened youngest DB with violence if he told her he didn't believe. My mum thought she had a 14 year old who believed and we still got the begrudged stockings. That's the spirit of Christmas right there!

So.... how do you actually tell a child this? I've not had to cross the bridge but do you just say "you know it's just a fun pretend thing, don't you?" and leave them to it??

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Same here. And I’m 47.

We have always ‘believed’ even though both my girls clearly knew by aged 10, there is an unspoken agreement in our home that we all believe in Father Christmas.

There is enough reality out there in the real world. It’s okay to let them have magic in their own homes 🎅

I wouldn't tell my child. I can't remember when I knew but I would have hated my parents telling me.

There's not much magic in the world, let him believe if he still does. I'd still do all the Xmas traditions you've always done, why not?

If needed, I'd go down the route of lots of people don't believe so best not to mention at school that you do. So if he doesn't, but wants to hang on to it you've given him an out.

Why can’t you just keep doing it? Doesn’t mean he actuallg believes. Feels a bit depressing to stop cold turkey.

you carry on the Christmas traditions eg stocking, once the child knows about FC. If you did elf, then I suppose at least you could get him out as a decoration or do something with him

Ah come on , he knows already. He just enjoys the traditions. We've never done the elf thing (mine were older when it started) but we still have the "has he been yet?!" at sparrowfart on Christmas morning and mine are teens and 20s

Of course they don't. 10 or 11 is very common in my view.

This.

We have never done an elf but my last year of primary DC is on his last year of Father Christmas.
We haven't properly discussed it but he knows really. He said 'are you going to put that in your basket ' when looking at things.

Like most kids this age, it's more about hoping than fully believing.

I've just smiled and said 'what do you think ' type answers to his comments..

I think it's best he just works it out for himself. I have told him whatever he thinks he's not to influence his little sister.

You could also say he's maybe best not to mention the elf at school. He probably still just wants to see what you come up with.

This is the best idea, giving him that responsibility tells him that it is a make believe, but gives him a way to acknowledge this and accept it.

I agree - @Glitterfish, you need to urgently make sure that he knows not to talk about believing in Santa/the Elf etc to his friends and at school. He would be teased/bullied unmercifully.

No harm though in continuing your traditions at home for as long as he wants to. 'Santa' still delivers piles of presents to our house and my kids are in their 20s. They still get a stocking too. They have known since long before they left primary school that Santa isn't real...

Maybe he is carrying it on in case you don't provide any presents!

Hopefully he already knows and is just playing along but if he truly doesn't then I think it's kinder to tell him because he absolutely will get bullied if his classmates find out. My brother had a friend who wasn't the brightest lad and he believed in santa still at secondary school.He was really upset when he found out and was humiliated by the other boys (and furious at his parents for lying!).

I asked my son just before he started secondary if we needed to have a chat about Santa - he just laughed and said no Mum, I’ve known for ages and that was that. We’ve never mentioned it again and still do stockings, and put a mince pie and a baileys out for Santa though!

I think both of my kids chose to carry on believing because they like the fun of it all. Ds obviously kept it going for his younger sister. She is now at secondary but still talks to me about it as if it's all real. A few years ago we had lots of chats about when everyone at school was saying it wasn't real and she concluded that magic is real as long as you chose to believe in it. She has also suggested some outrageously expensive gifts in the last few years and given me a sly look saying it wouldn't cost me anything because the elves would make it. They know but they like to go along with it.

Tell him asap! He should have been told before he started secondary school.

If they believe in a magic man with magical reindeer that flies around the world in 1 night with enough presents for 100s of millions of kids and has a mince pie and a sherry at each house when they are in 13 years old they must be thick.

Why are earth people think it's hard to still believe people still believe in God or Allah or Krishna or the Buddha or.... Unless they are all right millions of adults still believe something made up.

He’s magic, isn’t he? Same reason he can knock back umpteen thousand nice warming tots of whisky or brandy just in the U.K., and not get too pissed to drive the sleigh.
BTW I have it on good authority that he leaves any offerings of milk (cold milk on a midwinter night FGS!) for the neighbourhood cats.

My ds is the same age and still likes the elf etc. He probably does know the truth, but likes the tradition and fun of it all. I’ve got no intention of telling him because he more than likely knows. But it’s sweet how he’s still excited for Christmas. He’s talking to his younger sister about Father Christmas etc. why spoil the fun.