Keep the magic or he should grow up now

[Glitterfish]

My DS is a lovely chatting outgoing boy but he is very innocent. He has just started secondary this year and seems to be settling in very well.

However in the last week he started mentioning Santa and asking where Elfie is. Now I thought he knew last year as he was talking about cost of his gift in advance and whether he should ask Santa or not and so assumed it was all over in terms of Santa but he was just keeping up a pretence (as kids do). He hasn't said much about Santa this year - one or 2 passing references but he was getting a bit upset yesterday and today that Elfie hadn't made an appearance yet.

What do I do?
YABU: Tell him now (and potentially ruin the magic of Christmas)
YANBU: Wait till after Christmas (although he may potentially mention something in school and face ridicule)

PS. We do have a very nice Elfie (wooden with handmade clothes so I don't mind it around :).

Kids don't talk about Santa in secondary. You never ruin the magic, they work it out themselves. I've never told mine or been told.

This is what I'd like to do if I was sure he really knew and wouldn't be bullied or teased. I love the magic

Crikes! Your not wanting to sugar the pill. By all means have a conversation that father Christmas doesn't exist but don't make him feel guilty because he's getting presents!

Well it's not "absolute nonesense" is it. It's one thing to keep up the pretence at home, that's fine and a bit of innocent fun. But if a child of 11 goes to school really believing in Father Christmas his life will potentially (and most probably) be made hell. Children can be very cruel and we're talking about kids going into puberty where bullying can have lasting consequences. I know what I'd rather do for my son but obviously with care and kindness.

I've told my 11 about the elf this year and making less of a thing about santa. She does have mild special needs. Santa, i don't want to crush her about so gradual process. She doubted aged 3 but I promised her it was true. Her younger sister is 8 and was told about the elf at school.

Like others say, get good old Elfie out and involve Ds in suggesting things he should do.

We still do stockings for everyone and I still sneak dhs stuff into his for a surprise on Xmas morning. Knowing doesn’t mean you need to stop the game.
I still make a wish when I blow out birthday candles but I don’t think I ever genuinely “believed” in wishing.

They don't talk about it because they don't believe it.

A kid that still believes might talk about it. But as bullying never happens in secondary school, I'm sure it'll be fine.

All the adults still get stocking in our family 😁i’ve explained to the DC that santa only
comes to children, but that it’s nice to get a stocking so grownups get them for each other too. Hopefully they’ll be able to let go of the idea of santa when the time comes without worrying they’ll lose out on stockings!

It may be that your DS has twigged but is worried about losing the magic. It might be worth talking ‘generally’ about christmas traditions to your DS, emphasising how magical and fun it all is and showing that you, as an adult, still find Christmas exciting.

If it seems like he genuinely has no clue, though, please do tell him - don’t let it come from some kid at school who will make him feel like shit for believing it.

(also, is it just me or do kids seem to believe in santa for far longer these days than when we were young? I knew from about 6 or 7 and that was in the mid 90s - a child who believed in santa age 11 would be unheard of! not saying this is a good or bad thing, just an observation - i wonder why this is?)

Keep the magic alive. He probably already knows.

Please tell him before a kid at school does.

Tbh I don’t feel Christmas lost its magic for us :-

I explained at a young age to mine that parents bought the big presents and Father Christmas dealt with the stocking. That way he understood if one of his friends didn’t get much for Christmas it wasn’t because they were bad it was all down to what their parents were able to afford.

My 11 year old knows, but he plays along. I wont say either way, but he sussed it. I think I pretended for a few years to my parents I believed so as not to spoil christmas. Maybe just make it obvious, tell him elf magic stops at 11 but he can move him with you for fun. With regards to santa, his friends will tell him anyway, so he will know, or suspect.

Kids don't talk about Santa in secondary. You never ruin the magic, they work it out themselves. I've never told mine or been told.

Of course they don't, as none of them believe it, but if he's getting upset that "Elfie" hasn't made an appearance, I wouldn't be risking it.

My mum said to me the other day “you believed til your were about 12 didn’t you?”
I had to break the news to her that I worked out in primary school he didn’t exist but I didn’t have the heart to break it to her (plus I thought it might mean I got less gifts!)

People really ought to give kids more credit, they aren’t stupid.

I’m of the opinion that you tell a child in the summer time before they start secondary school - if you genuinely think they still believe in all honesty most kids are just going along with it at that point though.

@YourRubyBeaker This is what my DM did because she thought I must know and was just pretending, either that or she worried I would get laughed at. She was right. One girl in my class at secondary did still believe and was made fun of.

And no, to all the slightly incredulous posters, I did not have "additional needs". I was the youngest in the family by a long margin and my elder sisters very much wanted to keep the magic going. Hence, whenever I started to wonder how it could possibly work they would invent or speculate upon a possible explanation. Towards the end of my belief in Santa we had a very specific mythology which allowed for the fact that there were numerous Santas, the presents were actually bought by family and friends who sent them to Santa for him to deliver, his transport changed depending on weather conditions and other weird and wonderful stuff!

I was somewhat disappointed when my own DD had firm doubts at only six.

But, OP, I do agree with others. Tell him without delay. If you don't he will get found out and possibly humiliated before the end of term.

Some really dramatic responses on here 😂

He knows op. He knows. He's trying to spare your feelings!
Why not do elfie? It's part of the spirit/fun of Christmas. I would continue it until he's about 25.
Enjoy😆

I get a stocking and I just turned 56.

I'm guessing he knows, but just really loves the fuzzy feeling some people, me included, get from Christmas.

Disclaimer I'm not outwardly twee, you certainly wouldn't know from looking at me that I secretly believe Christmas to still be a bit magical.

Can you just get him involved in the tradition? So ask him what would be funny for Elfie to do tonight, and he can help you with it.

You could even get him involved in putting together a stocking for his dad/the cat etc?

Older kids can absolutely still love "the magic" of Christmas without actually believing in the magic.

It’s probably just become a Christmas tradition for him nothing wrong with that I’m nearly 35 and my DH’s Christmas tradition for me is to get me a new pair of grinch slippers.

That mythology makes even less sense than the traditional Santa 🤣

Ps I think a lot of adults still love Christmas in a fairly childish way - you only have to look at how crazy some people go about their baby's first Christmas, when the baby can't even hold it's own head up 🤣🤣

Dd was in year 8 (last year) and said her English teacher said “you’re all old enough to know Father Christmas wasn’t real”. Most of the class were “outraged” and told her she must be on the naughty list. They were very much united in their “belief” and no bullying occurred.

I still get my grown men children a stocking and always will! I got my youngests gf a stocking last year and she was thrilled because she'd never had one before, wtf
Keep the magic alive ✨️ 💛

If you google 'letter to explain santa isn't real' there are lots of sweet options. Maybe that would be a good way to do it?
I think it's really unusual to still believe at this age, do his friends still believe?