Keep the magic or he should grow up now

[Glitterfish]

My DS is a lovely chatting outgoing boy but he is very innocent. He has just started secondary this year and seems to be settling in very well.

However in the last week he started mentioning Santa and asking where Elfie is. Now I thought he knew last year as he was talking about cost of his gift in advance and whether he should ask Santa or not and so assumed it was all over in terms of Santa but he was just keeping up a pretence (as kids do). He hasn't said much about Santa this year - one or 2 passing references but he was getting a bit upset yesterday and today that Elfie hadn't made an appearance yet.

What do I do?
YABU: Tell him now (and potentially ruin the magic of Christmas)
YANBU: Wait till after Christmas (although he may potentially mention something in school and face ridicule)

PS. We do have a very nice Elfie (wooden with handmade clothes so I don't mind it around :).

i don't think 'regressed' is the right word... Kids (and society) are just in some ways nicer these days... (although no doubt lots of people will maintain that society is going to hell in a handcart)...

Regressed is exactly the right word if there are quite a few secondary school students and older primary students who believe in Santa Claus, when a generation ago, this would be unheard of.

Maybe they should have an option of science projects to explain how reindeer fly.

I'd really, really like to think you are right but I don't see any evidence of a nicer society, or nicer kids to be honest. I don't know if things are any worse but they're certainly not any better than they've always been. Kids still bully other kids. Kids commit suicide because of online abuse, gang crime and shoplifting is rife as is violence against women and girls. On top of that young adults are finding it harder to make friends or find partners than ever before. There's an unprecedented sense of isolation that used to (mostly) be the preserve of the elderly. No, I don't think society or children are any nicer - sorry.

That's easy. Elf dust 🎅

I see very little evidence of a nicer society. If anything, I think that on the whole, social media and much of the internet have contributed heavily to the increased coarsening of life for all of us, especially the young.

Couldn't agree more!

I think society as a whole has gone to hell in a handcart and a lot of that is down to social media and the internet in general.

I worked with someone who believed until she was 14 and later with someone who burst her daughter’s bubble in a really sad way when she was 12.

Agree, you need to tell him before the nasty kids do. I told my son far too early (80s when there was a fad to disabuse children of this magic) but he survived it, and still gets a stocking every Christmas. My granddaughters are just at his age, and I doubt they believe, but we go through the motions, including that little shit, Elfie.

(They go to a lovely independant school and I have no worries about bullying or ridicule either)

That's a winner for the 2024 most naive comment!

It's time he was told. He's in secondary school. Every child has to be told sometime.

I don't know what to say. I'd quit believing in Father Christmas by the age of five. Although they may pretend, I find it hard to believe that any child of eleven or twelve would retain a serious belief in Father Christmas.

I quietly told my son when just the two of us were walking the dog a couple of months before he started Secondary School. I thought he must have known, but I wasn’t certain and I didn’t want him to go to Secondary School with the risk of being bullied for mentioning Santa. He said that of course he knew, but the disappointment in his face and the shock in his voice, told me otherwise. It was a sad moment, but the right thing to do.

Given some other comments, I should add, this was in 1991.

Sadly you should tell him before someone else does.
I thought my kids believed very late - they were around 9/10 but I didn’t have to tell them…. thank goodness.

I agree. In particular, the levels of isolation and loneliness among young people seem much higher than in pre-internet / pre-social media days.

I still get a stocking now and I’m 53! Up until last year my mum always did it for me. We sadly lost her last year so now my kids (teens) do it for me!

Tell him before he gets to hear all about his naivety from school kids. Please!

Tell him the truth but maybe sugarcoat it a bit. You don’t want some mean kid taking the p out of him.
But don’t do what I did; DS was 12 (v innocent or playing along) and DD was 10 and I knew she knew FC not real so we has a little chat about which ended with me saying ‘Now maybe Father Christmas and the tooth fairy can hang out together as they’ve got all this time on their hands’ at which point DD shrieked ‘oh no! I still thought the tooth fairy was real…’
Hadn’t quite wagered on her figuring out Santa but still believing in a tiny fairy putting money under pillowcases 🫣

Well, I have no idea what you're all talking about. Obviously Santa is real.

My kids, husband and I all get Christmas stockings, we leave out a mince pie for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph plus of course a small tot of whisky, and we always get a nice thank you note in return. The ‘kids’ are in their 20s. We never encouraged them to believe in Santa but we always all played along. My granny used to say “Everybody who gives you a gift is Santa” and I rather like that - kind of spirit of Christmas rather than a guy sneaking down the chimney.

Leave him be.

one of the things I said to my DD13 last year when we went some where really magical was “it’s okay to know something but to choose to believe” and that’s how we roll in this house.

I suspect he may know Santa isn't real but wants to keep up the fun of Elfie. My Y7 Tutor Group were most disappointed I didn't have one and threatened to get one for our Form Room!

It's tough that suddenly you're expected to give up all the fun and "magic" of Christmas. Talk about what "Santa" is bringing, have a stocking on the bed or by the tree, have fun with Elfie. Just avoid the suggestion that it's anything but fun that you're organising.

Oddly I found out that my own Y7 had stopped believing in Santa but thought the Easter Bunny was real. We had never suggested that once... Said child still got a stocking and presents from Santa at 17!

What?...is Santa not real....???

🥺

I had the same problem with my son years ago. I just sat him down and explained that while Santa is real for little kiddies you get to the age where mam and Dad start buying you Christmas gifts. He wasn't at all disappointed as he knew he'd still get gifts. My fault for keeping up the pretense so well!

DS has ASD and was always very black and white - if told something he believed it unquestioningly. Aged about 9 I sneaked his pound under his pillow when he left a tooth there when I said goodnight (fed up with creeping in at night) - and he then looked and was furious with me! He found it in my pocket and accused me of pranking the tooth fairy!

Once he started secondary school I had to tell him - both about the tooth fairy and Father Christmas. He actually took it OK but I felt awful - but I don't think you can risk them getting bullied or laughed at.

I had always told my two that it wasn't magic how FC got around the world, because we all know there's no such thing. I said it was some sort of science we didn't yet understand - and we used to watch the NORAD Santa tracker. I also got them videos from PNP North Pole (the free ones) - so probably made a rod for my own back by making it too believable......

DS is now 16 and has no lasting trauma......😂

Once my son knew we continued the magic by us then all having stockings. We had pets by then too so pets and adults get stockings. We all need some magic in our lives.