To feel a little bit sad that I won't receive Christmas presents any more?

[Wimberry]

I'm aware this is Mumsnet, so I should be happy with my massive salad and thimble of sherry at Christmas, as anything else would make me incredibly selfish and childish. But I do feel a teensy bit sad that I have ended up in a situation where I receive zero Christmas presents, not having any surprises to unwrap.

For context - no children. Mum deceased and dad is distant and buys gifts so bad they're borderline offensive, he's also pleading poverty this year (he's well off, im not a priority) so we agreed to go for a meal at some point instead. It's for the best.

Rest of the family have moved towards buying gifts for children only (and TBF there's not many, no one expects expensive gifts so I don't mind this, although obviously there's none to come to us). I have a partner who is lovely and is good in many ways but is just so, so bad at buying gifts that a few years ago we decided not to bother. It isn't weaponised incompetence, just not his thing. He doesn't expect gifts in return, he's very pragmatic - if he wants something he'd rather buy it himself and get exactly what he wants/needs so he doesn't really enjoy gifts being brought for him. Instead of a work secret santa we're donating to a food bank.

Im not (usually!) materialistic so I am surprised that this makes me feel a bit sad, any alternative ideas for making Christmas feel a bit special, as a grown up?

Can you amd partner go away somewhere as a gift to yourselves?

I buy myself presents through the year and wrap them, by the time Christmas comes I've forgotten what they are, books, nice box of chocolates, tickets to theatre shows, nice hand cream etc things I see on offer during the year and like but don't need there and then.

Once DD is grown and no longer spending Christmas at home I fully intend to jet off somewhere warm for Christmas and laze by a pool.

YANBU. I'm sorry you feel sad about it, I hope some posters have some ideas for you to help make your Christmas feel more special.

Tell your partner you want a present....send him a selection of things you'd like and ask him to buy you one so it's somewhat of a surprise.

Do you have a group of girlfriends? Could you suggest a secret Santa with them?

I understand this. I literally as the song says "buy myself flowers" now without needing a reason.

Its more than just presents isn't it-it's the thought behind it etc..but yes plan a lovely day and buy nice foods etc and buy yourself some treats and enjoy 😍

Buy yourself a gift, something special that makes you happy. That's what I would do. Something fabulous to wear, or something delicious to eat, a new book by an author you love, some luxurious bath oils.

Buy yourself a gift or treat yourself to a spa, your partner might be feeling the same way so you could go away for the weekend.

This is what I have done this year for myself. I know it's a bit late for this year, but it's worth considering for next year. FWIW I do know how you feel.

I'm sorry OP, it sucks. I am definitely the 'magic maker' for my fam & friends, and I get a few gifts but most are completely thoughtless and it used to bug me because I put loads of time/effort/money into everyone else's!

As of this year, I'm doing my own stocking (I do a minimum of 10 a year, including all immediate family, and remind my DM and DS every year to pick some bits for mine, but last year they forgot AGAIN so I'm doing my own from now on!) and filling it with treats I know I'll love. It's been really therapeutic letting myself pick 'splurge' items I wouldn't normally buy myself. Is this something you can do?

Alternatively a friend has used one of those 'pay an amount and we'll choose a gift for you!' Sites and was quite impressed x

Tell your partner you want a stocking, set a limit for the cost and you sort him one out. The budget and stressing it's small things takes the pressure off and see what he comes up with.

Ah, going away isn't an option, we have pets and although sitters/boarding at Christmas isn't impossible it's a bit tricky so would only go that route if it was a very fancy occasion.

I quite like the idea of buying little things during the year, it shuts sort of bring back the surprise element, especially with peri brain fog!

This is one of the best ideas I have ever heard, and I will be doing it next year. Thank you.

Also I'm genuinely surprised at how nice you lot have been about this, I've been chiding myself for caring about it when I feel I'm 'old enough to know better'!

My hubby has ASD and does not like surprises because he will not hide his honesty if he doesn’t like the gift. So, instead we are very open to each other about what gifts we want. I tell him ‘buy me this please’ and vice versa. That way, there is no disappointment and we all get a pressie.
Would your partner be up for that?

I buy presents for myself too. Usually a jigsaw puzzle, my favourite expensive chocolates and a book. Those are always the best presents I get and sometimes the only.

You're never too old for something you want!

Give your partner a list of five specific things you would like and tell him you would like to receive at least one on Christmas Day wrapped in nice paper.

I have no family, so no presents for me, baby too young, and no partner/ babys dad never met him. So I buy for myself from my son. I have a little stash for Christmas from my boy haha. It does make me feel sad, but no one else is going to do it so its either buy for myself, or feel sad AND have nothing. Tell your partner it means something to you even if it isn't his thing. We all compromise in a relationship on all kinds of different things. Its hardly a hardship for him to get a gift or two is it 🙄

My DH is also rubbish at giving gifts, and long ago we decided, to his relief, not to bother, either of us.

I don't miss gifts, I actually feel kind of sad when I do get gifts, as I feel badly for those who have nothing at Xmas ( and throughout the year of course) but Xmas brings so much sadness to so many people.

Our DC prefer money to spend on what they would like, we have no other family.
Friends long ago put their foot down on exchanging gifts.

I can only suggest that you and your DP/DH choose to do something that you both would really like to do; choice up to you and your financial situation.

Or get yourself something you'd really like, something again, big or small, and "say" it's from your DH/DP who would get you that if he was any good at taking a broad hint!
My mum used to buy something she'd like, wrap it up the way she wanted it to look, put it under the tree from my dad :)

This is where a fabulous and expensive advent calendar comes in handy. At least there’s the element of surprise!

Buy yourself some mystery boxes - you can het skincare, make up etc. Amazon also do them. You could get yourself some treats too and save them until Christmas day. For next year I would buy yourself 1 thing every month, wrap it up and put it away, you'll have forgotten what it is by Xmas:)

Could you suggest a wider family secret santa now the children in the family are mostly grown up? My family switched to this model when most of the cousins had aged out of receiving Christmas gifts, and it means there’s a reason for the annual get together to continue when the gift exchange for the children didn’t need to happen any more.

Another thing I’ve seen in different hobby subreddits (like r/fountainpens and r/jigsawpuzzles is a secret Santa in those communities, so maybe you have a similar hobby that has a group whose secret Santa you can join year?

For your partner you could keep an Amazon wish list when you see something you like over the year and he could pick from that? That way it’s still a bit of a surprise but the gifts are things you want.

I buy myself presents through the year and wrap them, by the time Christmas comes I've forgotten what they are, books, nice box of chocolates, tickets to theatre shows, nice hand cream etc things I see on offer during the year and like but don't need there and then.

This is a genius idea! I'm definitely doing this over the next year.

I get it, I don’t think it’s childish at all.

It is not too late to buy yourself a fancy advent calendar!

Or to say to your partner “I really would like to have something to open on Christmas Day. Please choose one of these three things (give Amazon links) and wrap it”

My husband was awful at present buying when we met, a few years of very specific gift lists and he’s now good at it and even goes off list successfully.

@Wimberry, can you send your partner a list of options? I tell my wife what to buy me every year!