To feel a little bit sad that I won't receive Christmas presents any more?

[Wimberry]

I'm aware this is Mumsnet, so I should be happy with my massive salad and thimble of sherry at Christmas, as anything else would make me incredibly selfish and childish. But I do feel a teensy bit sad that I have ended up in a situation where I receive zero Christmas presents, not having any surprises to unwrap.

For context - no children. Mum deceased and dad is distant and buys gifts so bad they're borderline offensive, he's also pleading poverty this year (he's well off, im not a priority) so we agreed to go for a meal at some point instead. It's for the best.

Rest of the family have moved towards buying gifts for children only (and TBF there's not many, no one expects expensive gifts so I don't mind this, although obviously there's none to come to us). I have a partner who is lovely and is good in many ways but is just so, so bad at buying gifts that a few years ago we decided not to bother. It isn't weaponised incompetence, just not his thing. He doesn't expect gifts in return, he's very pragmatic - if he wants something he'd rather buy it himself and get exactly what he wants/needs so he doesn't really enjoy gifts being brought for him. Instead of a work secret santa we're donating to a food bank.

Im not (usually!) materialistic so I am surprised that this makes me feel a bit sad, any alternative ideas for making Christmas feel a bit special, as a grown up?

Can you not give your partner a list of things you'd like and he can pick something? Then it's a surprise still?

I was just thinking about this the other day as in a similar situation. I think I am going to start a company for people in this situation - you send a certain amount of money and fill out a questionnaire, I pick, wrap and send you a gift. I think it is a cracking idea.

Not all kids get excited at Christmas. Some adults get excited at Christmas. Op can want to have a special Christmas even though she's not a child.

Ask your partner to get you an advent calendar. The actual calendar won't be a surprise but the contents will be.

This is what I do for birthdays. I give him a list of 10 things. He buys two or three. I dont buy him gifts as he doesnt want anything.

💐💐💐💐💐

I do the "buying myself presents through the year" thing as well. :) My immediate family, DH included are wonderful, but have zero ability to go out and get something that "Oh, Zingally will love that!" I get exactly what I ask for, nothing more, nothing less, nothing different.
This year for example, I asked my mum for a small decorative clock for the mantelpiece in our new house. But then had to link her to an EXACT one.

Throughout the year, I buy myself little bits and pieces, immediately wrap them when I get home, then put them in a box in the garage. That way I get some little almost-surprises on the day.

This is a brilliant idea😊

Hi OP, I am another one who buys for herself and wraps them, too. I try to get some personal bits, something to make as I enjoy doing that, bath smellies, chocolates, pjs books new towels or sheets, perfume and a course on something I want to make. Like others, sometimes I buy throughout the year and I am off with friends to Tunbridge Wells tomorrow so am hoping to find something I never knew I needed in the Cook shop there.

Like a PP, I'm a single mum, and I've been doing a stocking for myself, as well as for the DC, for a couple of years now; I first read about it being "a thing" on here, and now it's part of the festive season I look forward to!

Another idea I read about somewhere was a couple having a "present pot" - each time one of them saw something they'd really like, they wrote down a precise description of the item and where to buy it, and put it in the pot. Come birthdays or Christmas or whatever, the other one would read through all the bits of paper in the pot and choose one or more of the items to buy...I thought that was a great idea, you still get a lovely surprise, it's something you would definitely like and it might even be something you'd forgotten you'd put into the pot...

I'll start by saying DH isn't tight-fisted but he has ADHD and ASD. He used to buy me awful gifts. I'd be disappointed so stopped him buying for a while.
Then I thought why be miserable. I'll choose specific gifts (or get him to choose one from a list) now. We always set aside a weekday (weekends are packed) prior to Christmas and have a day out in York (my favourite city). We'll book lunch, go to the cinema later on but also go and choose gifts we'd like whilst enjoying the city. At least it feels like he takes an active part in the process.

I haven't RTFT yet but a nice advent calendar is always a good idea too
I have a brownie one and a beauty one this year

YANBU

My family do the same "we only buy presents for the children". I don't have children nor a partner, so usually I end up as the only one with no presents. For the last two years I got some Rituals shower stuff declared as a "thank you for helping" gift. It's utter shite.
This year I will order myself something wrap it up and put it under the tree. And if my family give me one more Rituals gift box, I will shove it down the throat of the person who bought it. Don't get me wrong, I like the stuff, but in measures. And I just got a box for my birthday instead of the things I had told them (when asked).

Gotta love family.

I hear you. Gifts for me are sporadic shall we say.

last year I bought myself the M&S advent calendar and really enjoyed it.
I think next year I may get an advent calendar and save it for Christmas Day!,

@housethatbuiltme I don't have high expectations for gifts, but @HarrietBond has it, really thoughtless gifts can be very unpleasant to receive. To give you an idea, my dad usually ends up providing said gift in Feb/march, because he's far too busy to bother seeing me in December. The only reason I keep in touch is because he hassles my siblings if I cut him off and it's easier to keep him at arms length really.

With my partner, it's less about him not being good a picking gifts, more that it stresses him out in a way that it's really not worth it. I do think he might be on the spectrum, if I'm honest. I am also, although I got the good at remembering details and finding niche gifts related to personal interests type of autism 😃

@PassingStranger not all children get excited at Christmas, the parents I grew up with had serious alcohol issues so Christmas was something to fear. It's ok to want to find a bit of Christmas magic as an adult, I'm sure I'm not the only person on this thread who has similar reasons! And even if not, life is tough and it's nice to find a way to have a bit of cheer!

If you feel something you feel something - telling yourself you ‘ought not to’ or are too old for it won’t make your feeling/desire go away.

i also love the suggestion above of buying oneself things throughout the year, wrapping and forgetting ! It’s brilliant

Love this idea!

I've been browsing things while dipping into the thread and have found a couple of things I think I'm going to go for - suggestion to partner of an event I've just seen at one of our favourite venues, and for myself I'm going to buy some craft sets for Xmas day. I like the idea of a new tradition of opening something I can then spend Christmas day making.
There will be some fancy chocolates too!

do you have a girlfriend who knows exactly the sort of gift you would love? If so, you could ask your partner to buy you a gift based on their suggestions.

I buy my own presents! Daft I know. I’ve given up on my other half knowing what to get me. Both my parents are gone, I have no kids and with friends it’s all about the kids.
I actually save up during the year and have a budget. It’s not huge but I got a pearl ring on promotion, a luxury diary, chocolates I really love, a book and some face cream.
Yep, I wrap them up as well. My mum was the gift giver who knew me best so while it might sound odd I write her name on the tags. Not ‘mum’ but her name. And every year I have a toast and thank her. I might be nuts but I enjoy it! Xxx

Aw that's lovely @PeggyMitchellsCameo

I always put a gift note to myself when I buy things from Amazon. You could gift wrap it as well.

If you like unexpected surprises for Christmas you could buy a series of advent calendars, beauty, gin, wine etc so you have something as a surprise everyday.

You might even suggest your DP that he get you one of three calendars, and you'll buy the other two, so you get some lovely surprise presents from him without him having to stress.

@Wimberry My pets always manage to steal my credit card and order me lovely presents 😉

What a fabulous idea!

Nothing says ‘I love you, and want to buy you a thoughtful gift’ more than an obviously unwanted raffle prize - where you can still see where the ticket was attached.

The only message that sends is I felt obliged, and had a rummage at the back of a junk drawer, and think this still might be in date. Makes you feel sooo special!

Although tbf my kids have chosen some spectacularly awful gifts in the past as toddlers - but it was at least done with thought and love, and normally there would be a very long complicated reason as to why they bought it!