To feel a little bit sad that I won't receive Christmas presents any more?

[Wimberry]

I'm aware this is Mumsnet, so I should be happy with my massive salad and thimble of sherry at Christmas, as anything else would make me incredibly selfish and childish. But I do feel a teensy bit sad that I have ended up in a situation where I receive zero Christmas presents, not having any surprises to unwrap.

For context - no children. Mum deceased and dad is distant and buys gifts so bad they're borderline offensive, he's also pleading poverty this year (he's well off, im not a priority) so we agreed to go for a meal at some point instead. It's for the best.

Rest of the family have moved towards buying gifts for children only (and TBF there's not many, no one expects expensive gifts so I don't mind this, although obviously there's none to come to us). I have a partner who is lovely and is good in many ways but is just so, so bad at buying gifts that a few years ago we decided not to bother. It isn't weaponised incompetence, just not his thing. He doesn't expect gifts in return, he's very pragmatic - if he wants something he'd rather buy it himself and get exactly what he wants/needs so he doesn't really enjoy gifts being brought for him. Instead of a work secret santa we're donating to a food bank.

Im not (usually!) materialistic so I am surprised that this makes me feel a bit sad, any alternative ideas for making Christmas feel a bit special, as a grown up?

The present from the cat idea is brilliant - I have two and I'm sure they have exceptional present buying skills!

Go to a garden center and choose a beautiful, statement cat safe plant. XL palm or some orchids. Plus a gorgeous pot.

start a collection adding something great every year.

Add to an Amazon wish list throughout the year and ask your partner to choose you a few things off it so it’s a surprise

Oh OP I totally get this, I don't care how old I am I would be gutted to not receive anything to open at Christmas! As PPs have said, definitely get/wrap yourself some lovely stuff throughout the year which you will have forgotten about by Christmas that you can open and enjoy, and as for you and your partner could you give each other a list of say 10 things you each want and agree to buy like three or so of them? That way you still have gifts to give to each other that you actually want but can have some element of surprise as well!

I was going to suggest that as well. My husband doesn't believe in Xmas or gifts and thinks himself that he's bad at them, but giving a list should help.
OP, even if you decided to stop the gifts at some point, nothing prevents you from starting a new tradition, just for the fun of it. I guess gifts is your love language, so it's normal to feel sad.

I don't do Christmas and with the money saved, I go off on a solo trip by myself every year. I would rather that than gifts.

Buy yourself a couple of things you would really like, wrap them up, and put them under the tree.

I'm a single parent, and when my kids were younger I had no presents at christmas until I started doing this. You might feel silly the first time, but to be honest by the time christmas came I'd forgotten what I had bought, and it was a lovely surprise! 🤣

They are adults now, and it is a running joke that there is always a present under the tree with a tag that says 'to me, from me'.

No one should be completely happy until they’ve made a whole cooked chicken last a week ..

Love this thread! I will be in a similar position once my Mum is no longer here (hopefully not for many years) but friends and family generally just do kids presents and I don't have any kids, or a partner. Very much by choice, but I already buy myself stuff from the cat or from me and enjoy the joy of opening things I actually like at Christmas :)

I think there are some great ideas here for treating yourself.

I do have a DH and young children but myself and husband never buy eachother anything....instead we sometimes just buy ourselves something and then wrap that up to open. Seems a bit pointless, so I love the suggestions on this thread about doing this throughout the year and then saving til Xmas.

I do almost everything alone and for others but don’t have many presents in return either. Go treat yourself either throughout the year or in the month of December and enjoy chilling with said treats over Christmas Day and the hols. You are important so be good to yourself! Lots of folk wish they could be but can’t as too many others to see and buy for. Tell yourself it’s a good thing you don’t and gift your self lol!

@TooMuchRedMaybe
Thanks so much for that now I'm widowed Christmas isn't the fun thing it once was but I could really get lost in a jigsaw.

I get it, OP. I'm lucky in that I have a sibling who is excellent at presents. But it sucks.

Can you spend up on something for yourself? I always buy myself lots and lots a birthday present, as I'm single & rarely receive birthday presents.

I understand. I love giving and receiving gifts and if there are a few duds, so what.

Are you giving presents to children in your family but not receiving anything in return - if so, that’s unfair. Obviously you shouldn’t give your receive but in our family, any person with no children gets a gift too. As in I wouldn’t expect someone to give to my children without a little gift in turn if there are no children in their house.

Maybe your DO and yourself could do gifts - each give the other a list of three items and you pick one from the list and buy.

YANBU, it would make me sad too.

Personally I would set myself a budget for December and use it to buy myself a few really luxurious, special things as a seasonal treat. You deserve that, even if they aren’t surprises.

YANBU at all OP

I also get the bit about your dad buying awful presents

one Xmas - our last Xmas together as it happens - all my ex bought me was knickers !! That’s literally all! How stupid and disappointing!!

I buy myself something for Christmas - something I would normally think ‘that’s a bit extravagant, I don’t need that’. I’m also into the idea of Advent calendars (not the chocolate variety) - I buy them for my adult children, and have had them bought for me, and also bought for myself. My interest is knitting, so have had a couple of yarn ones, so there is something on the needles for Christmas. Often these are marketed early in the year so by the time it’s arrived you’ve almost forgotten about it! Whatever you enjoy, there’s one for you

When my lovely husband was alive, we would go shopping together near Christmas. If I saw something I liked, I would perhaps say ‘that’s lovely, shall I wait outside the shop’? He always managed to surprise me with a few extra little gifts as well. He worked so hard for our family, and had very little time to himself, so he certainly wasn’t thoughtless - just needed a prompt sometimes.

Since being widowed, I have bought little bits and pieces for myself over time, as a PP said, and wrapped them up for a Christmas ‘surprise’.

I’m in the same position OP, and in terms of presents I (like others in the thread) buy myself a treat that I’d feel guilty about if I just bought it without it being Christmas. Quite often some tickets for something way ahead of time, and maybe buy myself some vinyl. Could and and partner buy each other tickets or something? I think it’s less of the present thing and more of a magical Christmas thing for me (Christmas was always a bit of a nothing as a kid) so I try to make things as festive as possible in other ways!

I so love this idea!! I’m totally doing it next year!

Why not go into a local jewellers or bookstore etc and pick out 3 things you like.
Write them on a piece of paper and ask the sales assistant to pick one out and gift wrap it whilst you pop out. Pay by card and don’t look at your bill until after Christmas.

This way you’ll have a surprise gift and you know you’ll like it.

I'm in a similar position, and am another one who buys gifts for myself though the year. I also go away for a Christmas weekend in early December with my daughter, where we go to the Christmas markets, see a light trail, do a bit of Christmas shopping for others and buy a small gift to/from each other... As we're shopping together it's not a surprise, but the weekend away and time together is the real present if you see what I mean.

OP, I've felt very similar for similar reason. I am absolutely on team treat yo 'self as far as festive presents go - for the past couple of years I've bought myself some 'bits' to have something nice to open. Often a set of things, like a hamper or make-up set, or a book I really want. This year I also got myself experience stuff like theatre tickets too so I'd have lovely things for Jan and Feb when it's really miserable.

Honestly, after the first year of feeling a bit weird about it, it was great - far better to have treats I actually wanted than another round of useless presents from folks who don't know me this well, which feels very wasteful. I am a good and thoughtful present-buyer and it always felt a bit sad not to have that reciprocated. Now I get to use my talent on myself :)

It's not strange or needy to want to be treated well, and if no-one else will, then you should treat yourself that way (in fact, even if there are folks around, you should still treat yourself with love and snacks).

I was just thinking that!

The best solution is to do what a lot of us do OP and get yourself some (lots of) nice things to open on the day!
I get DH to wrap them (always looks like he's used a blindfold and his feet...) and then pretend I have amnesia when I open them.
I've received some really offensive 'useful' shit in the past and it needed to stop (e.g a duster and tea bags from PILs, some second hand bricks from DH, a pastry brush...I could go on 😬), so I don't have that issue anymore at least!
I feel for you though, sometimes a surprise gift would be bloody lovely!