To feel a little bit sad that I won't receive Christmas presents any more?

[Wimberry]

I'm aware this is Mumsnet, so I should be happy with my massive salad and thimble of sherry at Christmas, as anything else would make me incredibly selfish and childish. But I do feel a teensy bit sad that I have ended up in a situation where I receive zero Christmas presents, not having any surprises to unwrap.

For context - no children. Mum deceased and dad is distant and buys gifts so bad they're borderline offensive, he's also pleading poverty this year (he's well off, im not a priority) so we agreed to go for a meal at some point instead. It's for the best.

Rest of the family have moved towards buying gifts for children only (and TBF there's not many, no one expects expensive gifts so I don't mind this, although obviously there's none to come to us). I have a partner who is lovely and is good in many ways but is just so, so bad at buying gifts that a few years ago we decided not to bother. It isn't weaponised incompetence, just not his thing. He doesn't expect gifts in return, he's very pragmatic - if he wants something he'd rather buy it himself and get exactly what he wants/needs so he doesn't really enjoy gifts being brought for him. Instead of a work secret santa we're donating to a food bank.

Im not (usually!) materialistic so I am surprised that this makes me feel a bit sad, any alternative ideas for making Christmas feel a bit special, as a grown up?

I’m the same OP but without a partner.

Due to a huge change in financial circumstances, I can’t afford to buy myself a gift either. It sucks.

You are not a child anymore and life isn't about receiving gifts either.
Whose to say they would be things you want either.

Yanbu

@ThisTimeNextWeekDavid ah I'm sorry to hear that. I do appreciate that I'm lucky to be able to think about buying things for myself

Doing this next year!

This is a great idea

@PassingStranger what does not being a child have to do with it? I think you need a visit from a couple of ghosts this year

Thanks OP. I do still have a parent but they are so elderly and frail, they won’t be able to buy any presents. I cannot wait for December to be over.

I send links to dh of what I want and he buys one of it. He does the same. The surprise is trying to see what I or he picks out of them all. I don’t really care for gifts really but doing this makes it very much easier for us and we always get what we want

Tell your family your problem and ask could you all start a kris Kringle. Then tell partner you want to do presents again!

Sorry OP. Could you ask your partner to buy you a fancy advent calendar like harrods tea or hotel chocolat or l'occitane or something you enjoy? I have been given one for the first time and they are so fun. I'm really loving the surprises.

For those of you who are single parents to small children. When I first started to buy myself gifts I would heavily hint at the things I would like and the Elf would deliver them to DD with wrapping bits so she could wrap them / put them in gift bags. She would keep it a secret until Christmas morning when she'd come in proudly holding her present to me 😆

I know you’ve said your friends aren’t in a Secret Santa place but might one of them be happy to be your present coordinator? I would happily do this for a friend! If you give them a list of things you’d like and a budget, they could sort it out for you. Obviously if they are all maxed out with their own prep, then that wouldn’t work. But I’d love to do it for someone I cared about.

Buy yourself something utterly fabulous. Something you wouldn't ever usually buy yourself. Wrap it up using beautiful wrapping paper and ribbon. Open it on Christmas day when you're on your own and exclaim, very loudly, 'it's just what I wanted!! However did you know Wimberry' and give yourself a big hug.

If that feels a bit too self indulgent, write the tag as though it's from your pet(s) and then you can cuddle them 😁

Could you have your DP buy each other with a small budget of for example £20 and you give him a list of 5 choices so he can’t mess it up? Then you’ll have a sort of surprise to open.

Oh, so there is hope for mine! I'm taking your idea!

I get presents for myself too (that way I won't be too disappointed whatever happens).

You've got plenty of time to get yourself something great for Christmas Day x

I take back the idea of cats being good at presents, mine has just brought in a mouse and released it in the living room!.

I'm buying from the dog instead!!!

I’d get myself some ‘mystery’ books (a lot of inde book shops do this) some posh chocolates, some skincare or equivalent and put it under the tree

This is a fantastic idea! Like buying xmas presents for your future self! I'm going to start doing this

@Wimberry

You're sad because the people who should show their love and appreciation for you won't make the effort, and you've compromised with them instead of telling them how sad it makes you feel that your feelings don't matter to them.

Your husband isn't "pragmatic". He's a selfish pillock who takes you for granted.
Your dad is selfish too.

What would their response be if you let them know how disappointed you are in them?

Ah but you see, that's not just a present, that's a course in 'how to be a good hunter' she's given you 😂 she wants you to be able to catch your own mice 😁🐁 🐭

Me too! I'm definitely doing this next year.

I was going to suggest mystery books too - our local bookshop does it as a monthly subscription but they will also do a package where you fill in a form saying what sort of things you have read and liked, and they will find similar ones that are recommended. Or you can say eg I’d like five novels from the Sunday Times bestsellers, or this year’s number one cookery book or similar.

I am glad @Wimberry that people have responded well to your thread (as MN can be a bit funny that way…) because it is such a nice part of Christmas to have a treat for yourself - and preferably a surprise!

You can buy yourself something like a mystery book subscription - I've had them from my sister as gifts before. I went for a used book one as then you get more for your money and I'm perfectly happy with secondhand books. You can pick a specific genre or mixed, and the one I had I emailed the people to give them some ideas of books and authors I liked or didn't like, what sort of thing I was looking for. Then every month I got 3 or 4 mystery books in the post, they were all wrapped up nicely in brown paper and string, they were a treat to open and see what they were, read lots of books I may never have tried otherwise, and I discovered a new series of fantasy novels I've since read the lot of through it.