To feel a little bit sad that I won't receive Christmas presents any more?

[Wimberry]

I'm aware this is Mumsnet, so I should be happy with my massive salad and thimble of sherry at Christmas, as anything else would make me incredibly selfish and childish. But I do feel a teensy bit sad that I have ended up in a situation where I receive zero Christmas presents, not having any surprises to unwrap.

For context - no children. Mum deceased and dad is distant and buys gifts so bad they're borderline offensive, he's also pleading poverty this year (he's well off, im not a priority) so we agreed to go for a meal at some point instead. It's for the best.

Rest of the family have moved towards buying gifts for children only (and TBF there's not many, no one expects expensive gifts so I don't mind this, although obviously there's none to come to us). I have a partner who is lovely and is good in many ways but is just so, so bad at buying gifts that a few years ago we decided not to bother. It isn't weaponised incompetence, just not his thing. He doesn't expect gifts in return, he's very pragmatic - if he wants something he'd rather buy it himself and get exactly what he wants/needs so he doesn't really enjoy gifts being brought for him. Instead of a work secret santa we're donating to a food bank.

Im not (usually!) materialistic so I am surprised that this makes me feel a bit sad, any alternative ideas for making Christmas feel a bit special, as a grown up?

Not at all unreasonable to be sad about it but you need to write him a list of things you'd like to receive. My DH is incredibly generous but does go off piste when buying gifts if not directed! He gives me a list too , thankfully because I apart from very boring things, I wouldn't have a clue! Hope you have a Merry Christmas

It's a bit late for this year as I don't think much has gone into the sales (although definitely worth a Google) but next year treat yourself to a fancy advent calendar so you've got a month's worth of presents. The beauty ones are very boujee but you could go food, wine, cocktails etc.

What a fab idea

I get myself a subscription to a magazine I really like every year. Then each month I get a nice surprise through the door (and it works out quite a bit cheaper). If you time it right they sometimes offer gift boxes if you are in first 100 to subscribe - win/win!

Go and treat yourself to a load of things you would not usually. When you buy presents you often spend more than you mean to.
so pick something really good and buy it x

One idea might be to suggest to your partner that you start a new Christmas tradition of inexpensive gifts, but with a theme. My DH and I don't go big on Valentine's Day, but decided years ago we'd just do token gifts. He always gets a book of poetry from me, and I get a gift that is heart shaped or decorated with a heart (I've had key rings, make up bags, earrings, socks....).

Perhaps your partner would be up for e.g. getting a nice new Christmas tree decoration every year, or a book and box of chocolates.... You could explain you like the idea of exchanging presents at Christmas but it doesn't have to be over the top, and maybe having a theme for him to go with would help cut down the choices and research if that's stressful for him. But still gives you some scope for surprises!

I have family but their present giving isn’t the best so I buy myself things I see that I really like when I’m shopping for them and wrap them up. It reduces the resentment and I find it amusing.

YANBU! DH and I tend not to do big presents these days for the same reasons as your DH. But we do buy each other about 6 to 10 surprises - but all just cheap and fun things to unwrap. He will go to a charity shop and get me some books - having no clue what they're about or if I've read them - one year was the second or third one in the 50 Shades series which wasn't so great 😄but I've had some lovely ones. Other things will be unusual packets of crisps, handcream, bottles of something to drink, or chocs - as well as socks, of course!

The kids help me disguise some of DHs as he likes to feel things and guess what they are - it's loads of fun when we manage to fool him....

DH also wanted a cheap work watch so the kids (teens) have gone halves on a £20 one from Amazon.

DDad sends me a (small) cheque. DMil comes to us and buys me a calendar, other things like slippers, gardening things, bottle of wine, and gives me money (she's amazing).

The main thing is to have things to open on the day! We do stockings with the kids first thing, then the rest of the presents once MIL arrives later in the morning (and into the afternoon). DH and I open a few surprises first thing and the others in the second round. I would be really sad not to open anything - it doesn't have to be expensive or even really thoughtful, but wrapped up presents are just essential......😁

Train your DH - 10 things for less than £50 the lot? And wrapped!

Start now for next birthday and next Christmas. Buy yourself nice special treat items and wrap as you go. I’m doing this from now on after terrible Xmas last year and milestone birthday. Too late for this year though so as I realised that once again I’m probably not going to get decent gifts from extended family I’ve done a hamper style gift for myself, my partner, my adult child and the pets this year. It’s all wrapped up as I go and contains stuff for the pets, snack type food, hot choc, board games, really nice books I’m looking forward to reading, puzzle books and other various things. All the gifts are for all of us to share but there’s a couple of books I’m really looking forward to. I’ve always done a present from the Christmas tree since my child was a toddler (I was on a budget so he’s get his stocking from Father Christmas, something very tiny from me and the Christmas tree would usually give us something we needed). In recent years the Christmas tree present has usually been a nice jigsaw and usually the best present I get so I have just expanded that idea for this year to see how it goes.

maybe try the same for you and your dp this year. Maybe chocs, jigsaw, nice soap, calendar and things for your pets. There’s still a few weeks to go . Even though I know what I’ve bought now it’s all wrapped I don’t even know which gift is which so will be a bit of a surprise on the day.

Oh and I meant to say one of the tags on the presents in the hamper style box is from mother Christmas to me saying well done on all my hard work this Christmas 🤣

There used to be a lovely initiative where you did secret santas for strangers! Could you Google and see if there is something similar? Xxx also your first sentence made me laugh out loud! For every lovely person on Mumsnet there is always one arsehole that tells you to suck it up and just get on with whatever it is you've come on here to talk about.

There is more than one kind of sad. Does it depress you or is it more a wistfulness - what the Portuguese would call saudade? The latter can be relished in its strange way. But if it is the former I'd concur with other posters - give yourself a treat in the form of an artefact or experience you'd enjoy. My circumstances are such that I can only expect one present nowadays. But already I have attended the Christmas lunch of a society I belong to, next weekend I am going on a scenic journey on a special train, and I've got a couple of shows lined up for early in the new year. Any ideas here?

But as to Christmas itself, all I want on the day is the precious hush that always descends, and which is such a good atmosphere to write in, and after that enough alcohol to bring on a mild, pleasant haze - which in its turn stimulates my saudade.

I always get a little something for myself..

I'm a bit late coming to this and haven't RTFT but just wanted to say that a couple of female colleagues and I realised we were in a similar position in this way and now each buy each other something. We don't know each other that well - we don't socialise outside of the office - so it tends to be generic middle aged women type gifts but, nonetheless, it is something someone has taken time to chose for me.

I understand it OP. Tell your partner you want a present, you can make it a tradition from now on. Do you have Secret Santa at work or maybe you could sign up online to participate? There are plenty of exchanges going on, if you're on Reddit they are currently receiving registrations for a gift exchange for those that missed the registration date for their Secret Santa. Use a christmas collage app to make themed collages or make a christmas slideshow with music you like to feel the mood and definitely start the gift giving tradition with your partner. Once we're older we need to create this magic for ourselves, but it doesn't mean it's impossible.

I buy myself gifts OP. I actually give myself a decent budget and buy things I think are lovely. Always a posh diary with my initials on, this year I’ve excelled myself and spent a few hundred quid on some jewellery I liked, a book to read on my Christmas break. A posher candle than I buy throughout the year, etc, etc..

No shame here, I’ve done this since I divorced.

Hello,

I also don’t tend to receive a Christmas gift so what I do instead is order myself a mystery box from a brand that I like. For example, Charlotte Tilbury, and then when I receive the box the contents are still a surprise to me!

See it for what it is, commercialism run wild & an attempt to buoy the economy. If you’d like something for yourself, get it. At least you won’t be disappointed.

I know you’ve decided to do that but I also buy myself a present or two - one that is something to do eg a craft like you mentioned and one that is some clothes that are more expensive than I’d usually buy. I started as it was from my parents when they were unable to buy for me and then I continued once they were gone.

This is a lovely thread with lovely suggestions; I hope you get something nice OP.

Would you not feel comfortable buying some presents for yourself and then just asking your partner to wrap them. Or maybe consider an advent calendar next year, you can get lots of different ones so should be able to find one that caters to your taste. That way you would get a little treat every day for the month of December? You could then reuse the advent calendar the following year and buy stuff for your partner to fill it with giving you a surprise.

I treat myself to a mystery box now and again of makeup and skincare products. I'm not too focused on specific brands so it let's me try different things to see what I might like.

A gift set is nice and has the element of opening gifts - I like beauty ones but also a food hamper or box of scented candles or selection of perfumes.

A gift list for your partner to pick from perhaps from one shop to keep it simple. I would like eg a few books picked out from a list of 30 I haven’t read or something like that.

Oh this is such a good idea. I would genuinely forget what was inside in each of the packages. A book, a bikini, a packet of seeds, some yarn for a project. I could end up with such a pile of gifts. When I go Christmas shopping I usually do end up with something for me.

I'm also wishing I'd done this and think I'll do it next year. I'm forever seeing things and not getting them as they're extravagant/unnecessary, and then forgetting what they were when asked about Christmas/birthday by DH. Also it spreads the cost!

Why not go into a local jewellers or bookstore etc and pick out 3 things you like.
Write them on a piece of paper and ask the sales assistant to pick one out and gift wrap it whilst you pop out. Pay by card and don’t look at your bill until after Christmas.

This way you’ll have a surprise gift and you know you’ll like it.

This is a great idea from @Eyresandgraces - and I bet the sales assistant will be delighted to make a choice for you. Think I might give this a go!