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AIBU?

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He won't let me visit his home

579 replies

Swimminglikeaswan · 03/12/2024 13:54

Ok, will try to keep this short. Have been with a lovely guy for six months and things have been going well. He was widowed ten years ago. He also has a 35 year old daughter living at home who contributes nothing despite working full-time and shows no intention of flying the nest. We spend five nights per week together, including weekends, but only ever at my home. The two nights we don't see each other are set in stone by him.
Although i have sat in his car outside of his home when we have picked his daughter up to go to a couple of his family events, i have never been invited to visit. I have told him that i understand that it is lovely for him to have somewhere to go (my place), to chill out and have down-time, but it would be equally nice for me to be able to do the same sometimes. We have had this conversation three or four times and he always gives the excuse that the house is messy and he has decorating that he would like to get done so the place is nice for me to visit. The outside is immaculate so i don't assume the inside is terrible.
He treats me well in all other ways and i adore him, but i am sick of being expected to host and i feel that after six months there should be more transparency.
As the family now know me, i assume there is no-one else involved. The only conclusion which springs to mind is that the place is maybe like some kind of "married" shrine.
I have told him that i can't see how we could form a home-life together in the future with the very co-dependant "third wheel" in tow and, that as lovely as he is, i want a break so we can both think it out as i feel used at this point. I'm gutted.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 12/12/2024 07:17

Cyb3rg4l · 11/12/2024 21:47

And people have speculated around the relationship, the motivations, the adult daughter - all relevant to OPs question. They haven’t introduced new characters to discuss. The topic would make a great new thread though!

Ahh but interestingly the left home at 16yo and it was character building was posted supporting the op. That the adult daughter should move out.
So it was a chastisement of the new boyfriend adult daughter, that she had t left home.

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/12/2024 07:18

So it was a chastisement of the new boyfriend adult daughter, that she had not left home.

Cyb3rg4l · 12/12/2024 09:42

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/12/2024 07:17

Ahh but interestingly the left home at 16yo and it was character building was posted supporting the op. That the adult daughter should move out.
So it was a chastisement of the new boyfriend adult daughter, that she had t left home.

Ok I surrender, you can’t see the difference 😉 would still make a great new thread though!

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/12/2024 12:52

It’s not about seeing difference
essentially threads develop like conversations. Topics are linear or is permissible to introduce other topics that arise and are applied to the thread

as in leaving home at 16yo was reported to be positive and the question asked was why hadn’t the new boyfriend daughter moved out given she’s in her 30s

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