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He won't let me visit his home

579 replies

Swimminglikeaswan · 03/12/2024 13:54

Ok, will try to keep this short. Have been with a lovely guy for six months and things have been going well. He was widowed ten years ago. He also has a 35 year old daughter living at home who contributes nothing despite working full-time and shows no intention of flying the nest. We spend five nights per week together, including weekends, but only ever at my home. The two nights we don't see each other are set in stone by him.
Although i have sat in his car outside of his home when we have picked his daughter up to go to a couple of his family events, i have never been invited to visit. I have told him that i understand that it is lovely for him to have somewhere to go (my place), to chill out and have down-time, but it would be equally nice for me to be able to do the same sometimes. We have had this conversation three or four times and he always gives the excuse that the house is messy and he has decorating that he would like to get done so the place is nice for me to visit. The outside is immaculate so i don't assume the inside is terrible.
He treats me well in all other ways and i adore him, but i am sick of being expected to host and i feel that after six months there should be more transparency.
As the family now know me, i assume there is no-one else involved. The only conclusion which springs to mind is that the place is maybe like some kind of "married" shrine.
I have told him that i can't see how we could form a home-life together in the future with the very co-dependant "third wheel" in tow and, that as lovely as he is, i want a break so we can both think it out as i feel used at this point. I'm gutted.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:27

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Blimeyohreillythatsourgovernment · 04/12/2024 20:28

Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:18

He was doing the pushing

That’s …..deeply flummoxing.

Well, it has been a bewildering read. So God only knows how bewildering you must feel living this. Not sure what else to say other than….sending you every good vibe and all the very best.

SpryCat · 04/12/2024 20:28

I hope you’ve been able to rest today @Swimminglikeaswan

Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:30

SpryCat · 04/12/2024 20:28

I hope you’ve been able to rest today @Swimminglikeaswan

I have thank you. Feeling a lot better today! X

OP posts:
Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:31

Blimeyohreillythatsourgovernment · 04/12/2024 20:28

That’s …..deeply flummoxing.

Well, it has been a bewildering read. So God only knows how bewildering you must feel living this. Not sure what else to say other than….sending you every good vibe and all the very best.

Thank you X

OP posts:
Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:32

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Am responding although you don't dignify a response. Read the posts

OP posts:
Manypaws · 04/12/2024 20:33

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Oh here we go

Plastictrees · 04/12/2024 20:34

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Have you been drinking? I can barely comprehend this word salad.

Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:36

Manypaws · 04/12/2024 20:33

Oh here we go

Wonder if they're on whatever they were last night? Red flags all the way here!

OP posts:
Manypaws · 04/12/2024 20:37

@Swimminglikeaswan must be hardened to it as that's two nights in a row, scary stuff

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:37

Plastictrees · 04/12/2024 20:34

Have you been drinking? I can barely comprehend this word salad.

And yet, you posted?You don’t know if it’s New York or New Year but you know you don’t like it. Or salad. Or words. Or word salad.

browneyes77 · 04/12/2024 20:38

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Jesus Christ. Give it a rest.

You’re talking bollocks and clearly have zero reading comprehension skills.

SpryCat · 04/12/2024 20:38

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Is it a full moon tonight?

Sennelier1 · 04/12/2024 20:39

Imho 6 months of dating between responable adults with loads of life-experience and well over the age of puppy-love, seems a reasonable time to start talking future. And yes that includes being invited to each-other's place. Meeting the family but not welcome in his house is a big red flag. Well, it would be to me.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:39

Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:36

Wonder if they're on whatever they were last night? Red flags all the way here!

Edited

Not all posts need to be affirmative of your 6mth dating dilemma
You're being unreasonable.

Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:40

SpryCat · 04/12/2024 20:38

Is it a full moon tonight?

If it is, it was last night too! Whatever they're on, i don't want any. Isn't it a shame there's always one nutjob!

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:40

SpryCat · 04/12/2024 20:38

Is it a full moon tonight?

You forgot to ask am I on glue? Or are you okay,hun?

browneyes77 · 04/12/2024 20:41

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:37

And yet, you posted?You don’t know if it’s New York or New Year but you know you don’t like it. Or salad. Or words. Or word salad.

What fucking drugs are you actually on? 🤣🤣

Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:41

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:40

You forgot to ask am I on glue? Or are you okay,hun?

You're making a fool of yourself

OP posts:
Manypaws · 04/12/2024 20:41

I think the answers are clear

SpryCat · 04/12/2024 20:42

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:40

You forgot to ask am I on glue? Or are you okay,hun?

Sorry for being so rude, have you forgot to take your meds today?

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:42

Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:40

If it is, it was last night too! Whatever they're on, i don't want any. Isn't it a shame there's always one nutjob!

Nut job? I wouldn’t call you that..It is a pejorative term. I do think you’re unreasonable p. Very

keepingsanity · 04/12/2024 20:43

I dated a guy for 3 months who wouldn't let me go to his. He had a good job in a corporate company, well presented and immaculate car.

He admitted his house was very outdated and he hadn't done basic maintenance (tap broken on the bathroom sink and not worked for years, leak in ceiling plastered over and not decorated etc ) It was very off putting at 3 months but in the end I dumped him because he didn't want to have sex - far too many issues brewing there for me.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:43

SpryCat · 04/12/2024 20:42

Sorry for being so rude, have you forgot to take your meds today?

And the Glue, I mean if we are doing cliches might as well get in there
Forgot to take meds? Pejorative. Same category as nut job I’m afraid

Swimminglikeaswan · 04/12/2024 20:43

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