Brother-in-Law only asking DH for Sunday Lunch

[ChorltonCreamery]

Right I can accept different views.

I can anticipate some comments that DH and I are separate people and I know this and he and I have separate friends (as well as joint Ones) but I think this is different.

BiL had invited DH and SiL out for Sunday lunch in a pub to meet his new partner. I think I should be invited as well.

What do people think? I can accept different views.

YANBU, I think it’s weird that you aren’t invited. It just seems like such a normal and natural thing that you would invite your siblings and their spouses to meet your new partner.

The only thing I can think of is maybe the new partner is cripplingly shy or anxious meeting new people and BIL is trying to keep it to a minimum? But even that would be an odd situation.

So they are all siblings? It’s not clear from your post.

Well is it: three siblings (two brothers and a sister) or two brothers and one wife?

I think if its three siblings thats fine, if weird. Like he doesn’t consider you important enough to invite. If the other SIL is married in that is terrible.

But either way its rude and weird. Its a pub lunch not a visit to Buckingham palace. How fussy snd precious of him to exclude you.

I thought it was strange at first as I thought he had invited just your DH to his home for Sunday lunch. However I see he has just invited his two siblings for a meal out, its not that strange in that case. Maybe she's shy and he doesn't want to overwhelm her.

Do you have DC? If so, perhaps he just invited your DH because he wants it to be a childfree event?

If they're all siblings then I don't see any issue with you not being invited.

BIL is perfectly entitled to just invite his siblings.

Does SIL have a partner?

I couldn’t get wound up over this tbh.

He's inviting his siblings. Seems normal to me.

I think it's weird - if I was inviting my brother to a meal to meet my new partner, I wouldn't dream of not inviting his fiancee as well!

I don't really see a huge problem with him introducing his partner to his siblings? Especially if they might be nervous to meet the family! I'm sure you can meet at a later date?

I think a siblings only get together is fine but BIL's partner is going to be there so, yes, you should have been invited

If it's one brother, inviting his brother and sister to meet his new partner I think that's fine. The new partner can spend some time getting to know the brother and sister, before being introduced to their partners.

Totally normal, he probably doesn't want to overwhelm the partner by meeting tonnes of folk all at once.

Can you clarify if he invited just his sibs?

This is my thought. He is introducing her to the family but doing it so it’s not overwhelming.

imagine her meeting the WHOLE family at once - could be very overwhelming.

I think it’s sweet actually, he is introducing her to just his siblings first, then will probably introduce her to you next time

Is It a case of all spouses or none? I could get behind it being a bit much to be put up for inspection against siblings and partners all in one go!

I’m somewhat introverted and it could be less pressured to meet the siblings or each of the couples separately. If it had to be an all at once thing then maybe come to a family party or BBQ or something like that, informal, mingling opportunities could be easier than to be sat at dinner table on display.

X post with @Autumn38. What she said 😆

I think it’s fine for him to introduce her to a smaller number of people at first. She may be shy and he’s trying not to make it overwhelming for her.

It's a bit odd. Expecting his brother to welcome his new partner into the family while being spectacularly unwelcoming to his.

Does he have form for this or is there a backstory?

So he want to meet up with his siblings to introduce them to his new partner - what’s wrong with that? I would be pretty miffed if my husband got annoyed if I wanted to spend time with my siblings and I would never begrudge him time alone with his either. I guess it will be less overwhelming for the new partner to meet a small group of people at first.

Not inviting someone to one event is not 'being spectacularly unwelcoming'. 🫣

It's a siblings event - I'm totally fine with this. I was (and am) very close to my siblings and this is something that we do frequently. We also have "all hands'" events to.

Your DH's siblings have a special bond. Be happy that they get on as opposed to being estranged or having running disputes.

If no other partners are going then fair enough.

I don't buy the not overwhelming her theory.... surely no one is such a delicate flower that they can't cope with meeting one extra adult?