Brother-in-Law only asking DH for Sunday Lunch

[ChorltonCreamery]

Right I can accept different views.

I can anticipate some comments that DH and I are separate people and I know this and he and I have separate friends (as well as joint Ones) but I think this is different.

BiL had invited DH and SiL out for Sunday lunch in a pub to meet his new partner. I think I should be invited as well.

What do people think? I can accept different views.

You are being really weird about this.

But why on this occasion? Surely this is the occasion you're most likely to be excluded from. Your BIL and his new partner want her to meet his siblings. You are not one of his siblings.

There's plenty of time for you to meet her later.

I wasn’t invited to meet my sisters new partner when my parents were. I just happened to turn up at my moms while they were there a couple of weeks later. I wouldn’t read too much into it. If it’s siblings and partner meeting the wives/parents/partners at the same time might be overwhelming and he wants to keep it simple. If it’s DH, sibling, siblings partner and new partner that’s not fair

If it's his bro and sis for one lunch to introduce a partner to the family gently for a first meeting I'd let it go.

I'd ask how it went and expect to be included the 2nd outting

Honestly I get you're disappointed you won't get to meet her but I think your reaction is excessive .' Really fucking annoyed'
Can you pinpoint why? Do you desperately wish to meet her or would you just really want a night out? I think it would help you if you could identify exactly why you're so invested in meeting this person.

But you weren’t invited. You don’t even need to understand why! Although most of us seem to ‘get it’.

You seriously need to get over it.

Why?

I have to say you sound a bit batshit
If it works out with BIL and his new person, then I'm sure you will meet her in time.
This time it is siblings with the new person, you will have a chance in tine

OP, perhaps due to previous wrongs related to that wedding, you are now overreacting to this.

This man wants his girlfriend to meet his siblings. That seems fine. Perhaps she doesn't want to meet siblings+partners. Perhaps GF's happier meeting the 2 sibllings, rather than the 2 siblings+2 siblings in law. You are reading way too much into this at this stage. Just let your dh get on with meeting her and forget about it.

You sound such hard work. Your husband is allowed to singing with his siblings wi th out you. And I can see after your behaviour on this thread why the BIL doesn’t want you at the first meeting. Jesus.

This was your brother-in-law's thing. He wanted to introduce his GF to his siblings first. There are plenty of reasons why he might choose to do it that way. Or maybe no reason at all. Ultimately it was up to him. I'm sure you'll meet her eventually.

This just sounds like a big case of FOMO and an inflated sense of self. Being married to someone does not make you on par with them within their family. You shouldn't be thinking you are just as important to your BIL as his actual siblings are. That's crazy.

I don't think that she thinks that she is just as important to her BIL as his actual siblings. She does think that she should be just as important or even more important to her DH and that he should want her there.

What her DH wants is neither here nor there. Why would her DH think she should be there anyway? This is about siblings.

DH hasn't organised the lunch. It's not for him to decide who should attend. It's one lunch. There will be plenty of time for them all to get together another time. It is not a race.

My sister and I did stuff without her partner all the time. Loads of times I wouldn't have even thought to include him. We socialised all together sometimes too but including him was never the default.

Yep, they could have. But they don't want to, and your seeming refusal to accept your husband as a person without you clinging to him.. Maybe that's something to do with it 🤷‍♂️

Thank you, because I thought I'd confused myself for a minute there.

You sound difficult OP.

You say the inlaws are not unpleasant people, yet you're calling them names on here.

If you find SIL's husband annoying, that won't have gone unnoticed by your SIL and may be part of the exclusion.

That aside, it's a siblings event.

As @Nanny0gg suggested, invite them to yours.
If they turn down the invitation, then you know it's you.

Your BIL is allowed to do things with his own brother without you. It’s really that simple.

What do people think? I can accept different views.

Well apparently you can’t!

OP what do you think is going to happen if your husband has a lunch alone with his siblings and his brother's new partner? How will this negatively affect your life - don't be so clingy and possessive. Your husband is different things to different people, I'm certain his siblings see him as a person in his own right, not just one half of a couple that means you always have to be included. If you have form for making things all about you, as you are doing here, I can kind of see why you are not invited!

Maybe you're not very good company? Maybe you put people on edge? Your dogged insistence over this does suggest you're quite intense. If he relented and said fine she can come it's not worth the aggro would you be shameless enough to actually attend knowing you weren't welcome and that everybody at the lunch knew?

I've just thought, maybe his intention was to exclude the sister's partner. If what you say is true he sounds like a dickhead.
He didn't want him there but it would look too obvious or hurtful if you were invited but not him. So he just said that it's family only. To save sister/bf's feelings?

Right so yiur BIL who organised it has children from a previous marriage - can’t you see them that taking to slowly introducing her piecemeal to people is the best approach here and one of those is just meeting his siblings

an perfectly reasonable and logical approach albeit not the only one he could have chosen but a valid one nevertheless

so why does it really bother you - she is there to meet them for the first time and it is presumably wanting to be fairly low-key hence the people who are invited