Brother-in-Law only asking DH for Sunday Lunch

[ChorltonCreamery]

Right I can accept different views.

I can anticipate some comments that DH and I are separate people and I know this and he and I have separate friends (as well as joint Ones) but I think this is different.

BiL had invited DH and SiL out for Sunday lunch in a pub to meet his new partner. I think I should be invited as well.

What do people think? I can accept different views.

I think it’s interesting how differently families/people operate. It wouldn’t occur to me to do what you’re describing. I’ve always done ‘meet the siblings’ with serious partners, as have my siblings.

Not saying your suggested way is wrong, to be clear. Just that it wouldn’t be mine.

YANBU. Similar has happened to me except DH didn't know until he got there that the only family member not invited was me. At least I now know what they think of me and have no expectations for future events

Bit stressed out by the MN acronyms in this context - I'm sure it makes sense in your head but a BIL can either be your husband's brother, your husband's sister's husband, or your own sister's husband etc.

But I particularly don't understand this bit: "If she’s there so should I!" -- Who do you mean by "she" here? The new girlfriend? Well of course she's there, that's the point, she's the one being introduced to the family. Your DH's brother isn't exactly going to throw a special lunch just to introduce his siblings to each other, is he?

But no it's not weird for siblings to get together without partners.

If your sister-in-law's husband had been invited and not you, you would have grounds for being disappointed but as your husband's brother has only asked his siblings, I'd accept it. It's a first meet. If the relationship continues you will meet the new girl soon enough.

Don't be upset about it, it's really not a big deal in this instance.

In the UK we, too, are familiar with the social unit, but I think you’re right that it’s to mask not asking the BIL to attend. Thus the social unit is trumped.

Different views - no problem, you are not joined at the hip.
I'd let it go this time.

I can't see what's unreasonable about having your siblings meet a new partner.
You and the rest of the family can meet her later.

My thoughts exactly.

From the bil point of view, maybe he thinks that meeting family (siblings) is a ‘big step’ for showing this is a serious relationship, and inviting their spouses on top might be overwhelming for his new partner. That is a lot of family to meet and engage with at one time, I think it’s not a bad thing to stagger meeting people when starting to blend into a new family. I can see why you’re a bit annoyed but I can see it from the other side more.

It's a bit odd.
If it was just 3 siblings going out on their own then that's perfectly normal.
But introducing a new partner to your siblings without including the siblings' long term partners is not particularly nice.
Perhaps BIL ( the one organising the meal, with the new partner) doesn't actually like you OP and he doesn't like the SIL's partner either. Or he doesn't like one of you two but it would be really awkward to invite one and not the other.
Maybe he wants to impress his partner with the nicest (to him) members of the family?

it's weird that you think married couples can't be invited to things separately. My DH has 3 siblings and they occasionally go out together without their partners. I think it's nice that they still get on well enough with each other to do this.
Do you have a problem with siblings who are married/have partners having a WhatsApp chat too?

Me and my siblings meet for drinks/coffee/lunch all the time. We don't bring our partners.
Equally there are times where we all meet together with partners.

This seems like such a non-event. He has invited his brother out for lunch, its really nothing more than that.

So do you suspect that you are not invited to make it easier not to invite your SIL’s husband?

I don't think it's that bigger a deal, well it wouldn't be for us.

Being an adult and introducing new partners to the family can feel like a lot. I think my sister introduced her boyfriend to my brother and his wife first before the rest of us, she justified by saying didn't want to bring him along to a family party where there might some drinking and that to be the first time he met us all. I was introduced pretty swiftly after and now he joins in with us all when we see him.

I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 6 months and sadly I think he will meet my parents for the first time at a funeral next Monday, I don't think my siblings will bat an eyelid apart from they will all be on the phone to my mum to see what she thinks.

Yes I do think you’re being unreasonable op. Your husbands brother wants his siblings to meet his new girlfriend. You are extended family, not a sibling, he’s clearly not ready for that yet.
I would have absolutely no issue with this if I was in your shoes. I’d just meet them at a later date if the relationship continued

This really is dramatic 🤦🏾‍♀️. If the she you're referring to is his sister, then you're beyond dramatic.
Why does it matter more that 'she' is there, than his brother being there? Are you jealous of his relationship with his sister?

Its perfectly okay for siblings to meet up with one another without partners. I don't see the issue. I'm sure you'll meet the partner when they're ready to open it out to a wider group.

It looks like he inviting her to his siblings first right? Why is it bothering you so much? Yes it would be nice to be invited and I could see you being upset if he invited other spouses and excluded you but it looks like he wants to introduce her to his siblings first. Not what I would do but it's his choice.

Focus on why it bothers you so much, it's not worth it. And please don't be that person who insisted that your DH doesn't go unless you're invited and make it a "me or him" situation.

It wouldn't be an issue for me. I do things with my siblings without my OH all the time (we have been happily married and together for over 20 years). Some things he comes to others he doesn't. It depends on what we're doing.

I just can’t see the issue. I meet with my siblings without my DH. He sees his DS without me. Sometimes we do stuff all together.

I'm in the US too, and I completely agree with this. He wanted to introduce her to his siblings first. 🤷‍♀️

If he had invited several couples and then invited the OP's husband but not the OP, that would be rude. This I wouldn't give a second thought.

I’m trying to I understand why you are upset.
Do you have brothers and sisters?

Maybe this is your opportunity op, if you look at it differently. If she stays around it is perfectly reasonable of you to get very upset if they try to settle into a pattern of having bils partner and not you along. I’d say to dh let me know what you think of her and make sure you say to Bil that if he’s going to be having his partner along in the future then yours had better be invited!

Who being there bothers you @ChorltonCreamery the new partner? Because surely the whole point of the meal is for her to meet his siblings in a low key way which is fine it is his choice. Isn’t the whole point of the lunch that