Brother-in-Law only asking DH for Sunday Lunch

[ChorltonCreamery]

Right I can accept different views.

I can anticipate some comments that DH and I are separate people and I know this and he and I have separate friends (as well as joint Ones) but I think this is different.

BiL had invited DH and SiL out for Sunday lunch in a pub to meet his new partner. I think I should be invited as well.

What do people think? I can accept different views.

Yanbu.

Is he dating a mouse? Otherwise the whole “doesnt want to overwhelm her” excuse is such BS. I met the whole damn family on my first introduction. Yes it was overwhelming but you just get on with it.

Yes he has invited his siblings, my DH and my SiL. SiL has been married for donkey’s years to a really nice guy, the BiL of my DH and the inviter.

While SiL’s husband is nice and friendly I get very irritated with him. He has no interest in doing stuff with in-laws and I think they then feel they can leave me out too to make things easier.

There is no indication that the new partner has any issues at all.

Now the bit where Mumsnet are going to jump on me, you will accuse me of hyperbole and dramatics but I am fucking bothered, really, really bothered. If she’s there so should I! Yes I am picturing a toddler stamping her foot as well, as I read that back.

Sorry!

If she’s so shy that she can’t meet everyone at once surely a casual pop in for coffee makes more sense than a meal out?

I suspect what's happened after reading your update is they have got used to the situation with your sil DH not joining in and this has created a culture whereby they disregard all partners.

Dont let the mumsnet odd bods gaslight you OP. It is odd, you just bloody invite people that are married. For godsake.

Are you hoping she (this new woman) will potentially be sn ally (unlike your current SIL’s husband)? Does this feel like another exclusion as an in law—is the sibling bond too tight and it excludes the easy couple’s camaraderie you expected?

Come on Op, it's clearly up to the BIL. And going in your subsequent posts it may be your bil sees the immaturity and isn't enamoured.

You don't have "rights" to be in anyone's company. Kind of surprised you got to adulthood not being aware of it.

Head wobble.

So yes just invited his sister and brother, and no other spouses. Seems fine to be. Had other partners been there, then maybe less so.

Oh we do have kids, so does both BiL and SiL.

I would have had no issue with them not being invited.

He's introducing her to immediate family first and in a low-key setting. Seems perfectly fine to me. SIL's partner isn't going then either? Let them get on with it.

Can’t see the problem. Why do you need to be there?

Maybe he doesn't want to invite you because of this whole stamping foot mentality? It's not remotely mature or respectful of his wishes is it?

Also you've twice said in your OP that you can take different views, so hopefully you will take the majority of views on this thread that you need to chill on this?

Just siblings so its fine

I think it’s a bit weird. The family group that this partner will be joining, assuming she sticks around, is by definition the siblings and their partners, so it doesn’t make sense for them not to all be there. Apart from anything else, if she’s apprehensive about meeting the siblings, the other in-laws are allies- fellow outsiders.

If they're all siblings then I don't see any issue with you not being invited

Agreed. He's introducing his partner to his siblings. In-laws can come later.
Might be a bit overwhelming with too many new faces.
I can see how that's a pretty reasonable thing to do.

I can't understand why anyone would be bothered about not being invited.

How come you don't have an issue with them not being invited, but you do have an issue with you not being invited?

Man meets woman. Woman is nice. Man thinks mmmmmm. Wants brother and sister to meet woman. Invites them to meet woman. The end.

I think that's weird and if I were in that situation I can't imagine my DH going - it's the fact BIL's introducing his partner but basically saying you as DH's partner aren't important enough to be included. No problems with a siblings only outing but I think this is different.

I'd be thrilled if it was acceptable for just DP to go to his family events haha.

I like them, but I struggle socially and going out with them all together is just.. a lot.

So he has invited his two siblings to be the first to meet his new partner.

I don’t see anything wrong with this. My DH isn’t invited to everything I do with my siblings.

If he invited your SIL’s partner and you were the only partner left out I could see your point. But he’s getting their vote of approval first before introducing her to the wider family.

Or the bil is introducing his siblings. They don't come as a set they are individuals.

Honestly I really do worry about peoples emotional maturity on this thread.

I get it that intellectually you have a special relationship with your siblings but emotionally I am upset.

In terms of their relationship with one another. I would say the brothers are reasonably close and they all get on they aren’t enmeshed though.

He doesn't want you there and that's his decision to make. Would you really want to be there knowing you're not wanted? I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

Strong vibes
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aql9pQ1hMwk&pp=ygUYc2hhcmsgdGFuayBmYXRoZXIgaW4gbGF3

Yeah you’re just being ridiculous and childish. Foot-stamping indeed. The world doesn’t revolve around you.