Lunch with another woman

[Lyingisnotok]

NC for this.

My partner has a female friend. She has a long term partner. DP and her have known each other a couple of years. We have been in a relationship for over a year and are moving in together.

During the first few months of our relationship I didn’t meet her but was fine with them being friends. They went on a pre booked holiday together (twin room). He checked if it was ok for him to go and I was fine with it. No worries at all. Honestly trust him and felt genuinely fine about it.

A couple of months ago I finally met her, along with her partner and few others. She flirted with my DP a lot (ridiculous hair twirling, giggling, dominated his time - if you had looked in without knowing us all you’d assume they were together).

She largely ignored me. Made no effort at all. She responded to my attempts at conversation with her but then shut them down. Her partner and I exchanged a couple of glances as if to say ‘are you ok with this?’.

After that I calmly asked DP if he could only meet her when me and her partner are there as it felt uncomfortable for me the thought of her flirting with him without me there. I trust him not to take it anywhere but it just felt uncomfortable. He was a bit annoyed thinking I didn’t trust him but did agree as he could see my view.

I then found out recently he’d met her for lunch alone. I found out because he’d let something slip and so I asked and he answered. He wouldn’t lie directly but has lied through omission I think.

I was upset. He got cross. He doesn’t think I should make this request of him, he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong.

AIBU?

You’re not unreasonable for being upset that he kept his lunch date with her from you but you are being unreasonable for asking him to not meet her without you in the first place. This is controlling behaviour and means you don’t trust him.

Her flirty behaviour is disrespectful but personally if my boyfriend of one year asked me not to meet a male friend irrespective of the friendship being two years or less, I would have told him to “kick rocks”. His reaction to you being upset clearly shows he doesn’t want to be controlled or told what he can or can’t do. I hope you guys manage to work things out but you might want to put this one back in the sea OP.

Twin room? Really?

So you trust him. Then what is the issue? People are going to flirt with him, you can't always be there.

He shouldn’t have to hide seeing a friend from you.
you’re so wrong in this. “I trust him but..” means that you don’t trust him.
youre clearly wrong for eachother. Set him free

I agree trust your instincts,I think this is a no no,it will end up eating you up,I bet she loved that ignoring you and making you feel uncomfortable.Let her have him he's not worth mind you when it comes to.it she probably won't want him. Most of us have been there and know how you feel it's going to be hard but not as hard as thinking he's with her.I wonder what her boyfriend thinks ?

One partner ca'not tell the other partner who they can and cannot see it 7s controlling behaviour you said he known this friend longer then he known you if u pysh you will end up single so either say ok n leave it or say no n leave relationship

Listen to your gut.
His friend is behaving as your rival. He is loving the pick me dances.

You must feel some mistrust towards him, otherwise you wouldn't have asked him not to meet her 1:1

You say her behaviour made you feel uncomfortable - and from what you described it seems that was her intention. While it's difficult to lay down the law with another adult you need to explain to your partner how bad her behaviour makes you feel. He's probably loving the attention he's getting from 2 women. He needs to be a real grown up now and make efforts to accommodate and prioritise your needs if you are his partner. If he cannot compromise on this, then he's not much of a partner.

Yes she should have made an effort to get to know you BUT it’s a two way thing and requesting they don’t meet without a chaperone/supervisor isn’t going to do anything to ingratiate you with her. Their friendship pre-dates your relationship if they wanted it to be more than friends they’ve had the opportunity.

As for the twin room, perfectly reasonable. If you’re going on a holiday having separate rooms pushes the price up A LOT. My best friend (male) and I went to Florida a few months ago and shared a twin room. We managed not to jump into bed together.

since then his girlfriend, who he’s been with for 6 months has developed an issue with our friendship and now we only get to hang out with her too or at work. It’s irritating, I have no issues hanging out with her sometimes but there are times when I just want to chill with my friend or chat about things that I don’t want to share with a relative stranger. The fact she doesn’t trust me/him/us doesn’t make me
more willing to share personal details with her. She’s a lovely person and I’ve helped him plan amazing treats for the two of them but I do get irritated that in our 40’s we have to be chaperoned to hang out. So I can understand why he might not volunteer the information upfront. It’s easier to ask for forgiveness after that battle it out before and not get permission

I don't buy what most people are saying.
Most people wouldn't allow a hotel stay in the same room!!
The strictly curse etc.
It's wrong on so many levels.
Would he be happy with you staying with a male colleague in a hotel room together?

As far as I can gather, the Strictly ‘curse’ is no more than the statistical likelihood of two people, who may be averagely dissatisfied in their relationships, and not helped by minor celebrity status, flung together solo for 12 hours a day in an intense situation where one is teaching, one is learning, and the activity requires both emotional and extreme physical proximity all the time.

So your partner and his friend are carrying on this mutual ego trip with each other, neither honest platonic friendship or full on relationship, but a half way point that meets their needs to be attractive to each other, yet not a couple, for whatever reason; and are expecting their partners to play along? I'm sorry, but I'd not be entertaining that for a minute.

💯 %

This!!