DH Christmas works do and lack of comms

[menopausalminnie1]

DH out on his Christmas works do tonight. He left at noon. Said he’d be home by 5pm. Said he didn’t want to stay later as it’s a Police do and they get utterly mental.

He’s 52 years old. Got a call at 6pm to say they won’t let him leave (?) so he will be home about 8pm. Fine. I actually don’t care what time he gets home ….if he said to me it would be midnight that would be fine, but because he says 8 pm I have done things like prepare him some food, put up the Christmas tree as a nice surprise, lit some candles and I’m sitting here waiting like a numpty

It’s now 915pm and he hasn’t left the city (we have find my friend) so earliest he could be home is 11pm with ZERO comms to actually tell me this.

i can’t imagine a scenario where i say ill be home at a certain time and then do the opposite.

not a huge deal but a bit frustrating.

Its a big birthday for me tomorrow and I’m guessing he will be asleep till lunch time

This is my husband all over. If he’s out on a works do he doesn’t know when to call it a night. It’s not often though and if it’s a Christmas do I’d let it go.

11pm is sooooooo early to be home from a Christmas do!!

I totally understand where you are coming from.
If DH is going out & says I don't know what time I will be home, that's fine, I do my own thing and sort the kids.

I go out and knowing who I'm with it's either I will be home and in bed by 10 or it's gonna be a messy night, don't wait up.

DH once said I will be home at 6, messaged to say he's staying for a couple more, only another hour.
I asked if there was any point cooking dinner, he said yes.
I cooked & waited for him...he rolled in like 11pm...I went nuts.
If he had said I don't know what time I'm coming home, I wouldn't have cared, it was the fact I had cooked and waited for him I ended up tired & hangry. I did actually eat before he got home but I was waiting for him which annoyed me the most.

It's the not knowing and waiting around that's the most annoying thing.
If you know they are out for the night, you settle yourself down and do your own thing.

These days I take any outing as an it's an all nighter and if he's back before, I might be busy & he will have to reheat tea/meals.

I would assume that parents who get into that state are acceptable to you.

No. Why?

Tbh it’s not acceptable for any responsible adult with a professional job or children to use drugs and get into fights/abusive behaviour - as that’s what I’m assuming the OP means by saying “they get utterly mental”.

Although I’ll stand corrected if the OP clarifies what getting “utterly mental” means.

🙄

So was I...

Cops have such a feeling of entitlement. I've witnessed police dos on more than one occasion. They break social rules, they are bullish, arrogant, misogynistic and drunk. If you or I were to act the way they do, those very people would arrest us.

He's on a night out, leave him be - you're only sitting 'like a sap' as you say because you've put yourself in that position - even if he got in at the time he said, why would you sit and wait for someone with food and candles when they've been day drinking? You've set yourself up for failure here but reading between the lines, I think there's more to it than just lack of a text.

On a night out, have you seen coppers on a night out?

Yes, change a minor detail, not add in a milestone birthday!

Can’t say that I have, but texting what time he’s going to be in won’t change his behaviour, and he’s a grown man who can behave how he so wishes on a night out, obviously within legal parameters.

I’ve never understood partners who micromanage each other when the other is on a night out. If the person on the night out is going to get upto no good, a text message or ‘comms’ isn’t going to change that.

Jesus, read my first post.

@Kjpt140v why? I'm replying to the post you quoted me in...